My birthday is coming up , and I'm already depressed.

[Bolletje]

Good. You're absolutely right and I try to do that too - though I don't always succeed. We are unique people, individuals - we all are, even NTs.

As hard as we try though, trying to compare sneaks up on everyone. Sometimes I even put myself down for stuff I never even wanted. Like having a family or being married.

 

[Rectify]

I haven't given up celebrating my birthdays but for many years I've liked to keep them low-key...progressively. I had parties when I was a kid. As an adult I think the only parties I've had were for 21st and a shared 30th with someone else.

Since then I like to have morning tea or dinner at home with whoever I live with. Having said that, though, I do like to know that my family remember me otherwise I think I could feel sad or depressed. You know a phone call, an sms, a card. I thinking knowing what you want for the day, your expectations, and for others to have some idea of that is probably the thing to aim for so you feel satisfied with how things go.

Re. I don't expect presents and I only buy them for people when I happen to see something that stands out for them. I don't like to buy things I'm not sure about because we are all drowning in too much stuff right now and I worry about environmental impacts. I also don't like people to give me presents I don't like, want or need for that same reason. Though I try not to tell them that

 

[Rectify]

As hard as we try though, trying to compare sneaks up on everyone. Sometimes I even put myself down for stuff I never even wanted. Like having a family or being married.

Yes, comparison is a nasty bedfellow. It's really an ongoing job to not to compare.

It's like how I keep falling into the pattern of trying to be someone I'm not...i.e. trying to live a non-autistic life. I do it subconsciously and then after a few weeks (or months) I'm exhausted, frazzled and disappointed because things aren't working out and then...I realise what I've done (again!). I think it's because I didn't know for so many years and so I was always living like that, always 'trying'. Anyway, that's a bit off-topic. Sorry.