1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Featured My birthday is coming up , and I'm already depressed.

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by SimplyWandering, Sep 2, 2020.

  1. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    249
    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2018
    Karma:
    +513
    Every year I have a birthday, and constantly have to wonder if anyone will send praise (Happy birthday) or If i will receive nothing at all. I know Ill get a call from my mom atleast.

    Im fine with receiving no praise, but it's uncomfortable being alone or acknowledged by others when they haven't talked to me in forever... last year i just slept it off. Thought i would have reconnected with people this year, but with the pandemic, it has been even less.


    People tell me it gets easier being alone as you get older ... they lied.

    This year has been brought to you in part by the Letter "D" for DepressameStreet.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 8
  2. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    549
    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2010
    Karma:
    +850
    Best wishes for your birthday SW! :)
     
  3. Ezra

    Ezra Relax, it's just chaos.

    Messages:
    1,958
    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2014
    Karma:
    +2,655
    People don't remember others birthdays unless Facebook or similar reminds them.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Sarah S

    Sarah S Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,290
    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2018
    Karma:
    +1,641
    For me personally i dont even care about my birthdays / Big holidays etc... I stopped a LOOONG time ago and not that many remembered me this year either SO :rolleyes: Im however grateful that even in here i got a few congratulations :)

    It actually do get easier with time to learn how to be alone (i know it has for me ) BUT of course you also need to have this in you to be a lone wolf :rolleyes:

    Either way i understand youre frustration as i get thru that EVERY birthday and big holiday since MANY years back :( (hence i dont celibate either of them anymore )
     
    • Like Like x 2
  5. RESleight

    RESleight Active Member

    Messages:
    345
    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2018
    Karma:
    +76
    "DepressameStreet" Cloudy days...sweeping the, sun away...

    I know how that can be sleeping troubles away. There are so many who feel as you do. Especially due to this mass hysteria isolating everyone from each other even further. The consequences of this are far reaching, unfortunately. Hopefully you will feel better.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  6. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    557
    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2020
    Karma:
    +910
    Happy Birthday to you, if you are a social being and need external validation to feel ok it’s hard, I’m in your camp and currently exploring hypersensitivity as I soo am, I live alone and friendships are tricky so I am others here can be your on love be friends, yo are not alone be, nearly endedy post with a X and then realised how wrong that is
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  7. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    557
    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2020
    Karma:
    +910
    Apologies typo alert line not love how telling!!
     
  8. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    34,757
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Karma:
    +25,203
    TLDR

    "Regardless of whether birthday depression arises from the specific date of your birthday, or is an ongoing experience associated with chronic depression, it is significant and can increase feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and other negative emotions, possibly evolving into a depressive episode. This is why it's important to take birthday depression seriously and approach it with kindness and understanding."
    Birthday Depression Is Real: Here’s Why You Don’t Have To Feel Ashamed | Betterhelp


    "Anyone can experience birthday depression. Some of the people who more commonly experience birthday depression include:

    People with Depression or Those with a Family History of Depression
    People with Anxiety
    Introverts
    People with Mental or Physical Illness"

    "...a few of the reasons why some people may feel down around their birthday...
    Denial about Your Age
    Societal Expectations and Pressure
    A Feeling of Failure
    Expectations to Have an "Epic" Birthday
    Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
    Not Having Many Friends
    Existential Crisis
    Not Feeling Loved and Important
    Nostalgia
    Birthday Milestones


    Article goes into some detail on each of the bolded points
    and suggests ways to deal with the negative feelings.
    Birthday Depression Is Real: Here’s Why You Don’t Have To Feel Ashamed | Betterhelp





     
    • Informative Informative x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

    Messages:
    295
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2019
    Karma:
    +522
    NTs often interpret ND behavior as "Leave me alone."

    I have often found that if I want other people to wish me a happy birthday, I have to wish them the same thing. And every other holiday that comes along. Otherwise they forget I exist. They need repeated contact or they assume you aren't interested. You may need to fake a smile even if you are depressed. If they still ignore you after you've called them up and sent FB messages over the months - or years - you are better off without them in your life. Time to move on.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
  10. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    557
    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2020
    Karma:
    +910
  11. Bro'Freak

    Bro'Freak Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    639
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2015
    Karma:
    +1,129
    Birthday wishes to you SW, I tend not to dwell on such tbh. I'm sure you'll have texts from people you know in RL & I think we can all agree that no ones counting this year owing to COVID (I'm not saying it doesn't matter). Shame we can't do that with our age this year :)
     
  12. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    249
    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2018
    Karma:
    +513
    Thanks for all the well wishes. Thanks Tree, was interesting read and definitely can relate. I don't have too many friends and i cycle through. I am a complainer and people clearly dont like that, who would... yet here i am. :oops:
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  13. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    261
    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +190
    When is your birthday?
    Mines next week and I don't celebrate it.
    Sorry that you slept off your birthday last year, that is very sad.
    If you tell me when it is, I will send you a happy birthday greeting.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  14. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    249
    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2018
    Karma:
    +513
    October 16th, i guess not that close but i was preparing myself. How do you "not celebrate" it? I guess by not celebrating you are technically celebrating lol, am i making any sense? :rolleyes:
     
  15. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    261
    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +190
    I don't acknowledge it, treat it like Christmas, just another day.
    I will put a reminder on my app and so long as my phone keeps working hopefully I will get a reminder and send you a greeting.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  16. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,956
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2017
    Karma:
    +10,631
    I used to get depressed for my birthday because I would compare myself to other people my age and I would feel lacking. One year I changed my birthday on social media to see how many of my friends actually remembered my birthday, as a test. One year I blew up because my sister just texted “yay” and that was that.

    I let go of all that. I have unique challenges so it’s unfair to compare myself to others my age. And it’s the thought that counts when people congratulate me. And to be fair, I rely on social media for most birthdays these days too. I don’t really celebrate my birthday these days, but when the day comes I like to make a list of what I have accomplished and what I am good at, instead of dwelling.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  17. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    261
    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +190
    I changed my birthday on Facebook so no one would notice it. I have my true birthday as I am doing a fundraiser but I did tell my friends not to put a greeting on my wall.
    You sound like you are getting more positive.
     
  18. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    672
    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2018
    Karma:
    +931
    Yes. I use a diary and each year I transfer the bdays in to my new diary. For me it's important because it helps people know I am thinking of them and care about them.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  19. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    672
    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2018
    Karma:
    +931
    I've done that before too :/

    Good. You're absolutely right and I try to do that too - though I don't always succeed. We are unique people, individuals - we all are, even NTs.

    That is a lovely way to celebrate :)
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  20. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,956
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2017
    Karma:
    +10,631
    Hey, I guess years of therapy paid off ;) I make an effort to look at the positives and not compare myself to others, but it’s still hard sometimes.
     
    • Like Like x 1