My Aversion to Partying at College, and Why I'm Beginning to Doubt Myself

[KwiSpen]

My Dad talks a big game when it comes to partying in college. Ever since I started thinking about schools to go to, he always remarked on the college partying culture and how he took full advantage of it, in not as nice terms as I have put here. Anyway, I promised myself that I wouldn't partake in parties or alcohol, so I wouldn't brag about my exploits as he did.

I'm at a lovely college right now. Unfortunately, the partying culture is pretty intense, at least on my scale. I have only attended one party in the three semesters I've been here. The one party was a disaster: I didn't drink, of course, but I brought home and nursed my very drunk friend until his friend, trained in first aid, came to the dorm. I was disgusted by the display.

Fast forward a year and I live across the hall from a frequently partying room. Like clockwork, every Friday at 5 pm, the music starts, and the students come over. It makes me think that I should be there, since it seems to be the place to be. I shake off the feeling pretty quickly usually, but it came back in a big way last night.

I was at an executive board meeting for one of my clubs when the two senior members start talking about procedures, they're Residence Hall Coordinators, and the topic turns to partying, drinking, and hookups. This conversation goes on for an hour and a half, with me just patiently listening to all of the gossip, the inner workings of a social event, and who they've hooked up with and where. It's also probably worth mentioning here that I have never kissed a girl or had a girlfriend, let alone hooked up.

I don't know why, but I've begun to doubt whether or not I've taken a wrong stance. They seem to reflect upon their experiences with a combination of glee, nostalgia, and deadpan. Almost like "Yeah, this **** happens, but I'm glad it does to you too because college." I was scared shitless that they would ask me stuff, thank God they didn't. But if this were to come up again, should I have something to talk about? Should I put myself out there more? Am I doing something wrong?

 

[The Penguin]

I never attended parties when I was in college. Even during school trips, I would stay in the hotel alone as parties are very boring for me.

 

[Naturalist]

For what it's worth, anyone who thinks that socializing in that context is "fun" is pathetic. Parties like that are, as you have sensed, quite dangerous, and anyone who tries to coerce or pressure you into participating in it as a "part of the college experience" is committing the equivalent of hazing. Are you paying the astronomical tuition for an education, or for four years of utter irresponsibility? You are absolutely correct in your intuition, my friend. The people who look back fondly on that experience probably aren't recalling it correctly, because who can recall anything accurately when they were trashed the whole time? I prefer to remain sober and alert, so that my memories are intact.

I never had any use for the party culture. I had a roommate my sophomore year who kicked me out of MY OWN DORM room when I had pneumonia, because she wanted to blast music and drink liquor with her friends. Well, that came to an abrupt halt when the RA found me shivering and half asleep in a corner of the hall, as far from the noise as possible. How stupid she was to think no one would notice...

 

[AGXStarseed]

For what it's worth, anyone who thinks that socializing in that context is "fun" is pathetic. Parties like that are, as you have sensed, quite dangerous, and anyone who tries to coerce or pressure you into participating in it as a "part of the college experience" is committing the equivalent of hazing. Are you paying the astronomical tuition for an education, or for four years of utter irresponsibility? You are absolutely correct in your intuition, my friend. The people who look back fondly on that experience probably aren't recalling it correctly, because who can recall anything accurately when they were trashed the whole time? I prefer to remain sober and alert, so that my memories are intact.

I never had any use for the party culture. I had a roommate my sophomore year who kicked me out of MY OWN DORM room when I had pneumonia, because she wanted to blast music and drink liquor with her friends. Well, that came to an abrupt halt when the RA found me shivering and half asleep in a corner of the hall, as far from the noise as possible. How stupid she was to think no one would notice...

What happened to your roommate after that incident?

 

[Balkan1996]

Look, those guys are probably 'party-freaks', they have their ways and enjoy certain things and that's why they talk about it so nostalgically. If you recall all your bad experiences in life, you'd probably laugh at most of them.

Now, there's nothing wrong with enjoying parties every once in a while. Ask yourself what do you really want, why do you want to go to parties? To meet a potential mate? If that's the case - you should go. If there's some other reason like to gain popularity or whatever - just don't. Think about what's good for your psych.
Don't pretend to be stupid and don't do the things you don't like just because everyone wants you to do. Find a mature girl like yourself and run for your life.

From personal experience, I hate parties. I'm a bit younger than you so I suppose you're even more mature than me. When I go there, I try my best to meet new people, gain social experience and to make things more interesting. I hate those 'hedonistic' ways, but it's a social must. Usually, I'm just bored as hell, but it's definitely worth a shot!

Naturalist explained it thoroughly and well.

 

[On the Inside]

I saved like a squirrel to pay my way through college, and worked while I attended, so I should have been very serious and protective of myself and my "experience".

Unfortunately my first two years were largely wasted attending a small private school with a "party animal" culture. To try to fit in, I attended a party once in a while, and spent time at the hangout bar down the street.

I couldn't understand how other students were able to get through school that way, but obviously they did. I stopped doing that when I found that I was starting to go down the tubes. I never felt comfortable in that environment.

I'm sure there were other students who were more serious, but my social limitations curtailed any searching out for more like-minded individuals. Maybe you could find a different group of people. If you are not comfortable with the partying, I wouldn't try harder to fit in, doesn't seem worth it.

I switched to a large public university after two years, and it was refreshing to be so anonymous. I lived off campus and I never even had to socialize! I made some friends in some classes, but I mainly kept to myself. I still had difficulty with college, but it was because of my own limitations.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I went to one party during all my years in college, my first semester as a freshman, and I never had any desire to attend another. And that party wasn't even the typical "frat" party...it was a party for an academic fraternity for pre-med students (which I was considering at the time). Got my fill that one evening, and I was done with parties.

There are calmer social groups that still have fun activities together. In my case, I found a church campus ministry group that I enjoyed (mostly because I started dating a guy that was part of the group). Check around with different campus ministries--many of them don't require that you be part of that church in order to attend their get-togethers. In my experience, they tend to be very open. There are also academic fraternities, or organizations built around specific interests, hobby groups and such. Check with professors for your favorite classes, even if those classes aren't necessarily in your major.

 

[Jennifer T]

I think it's AWESOME that you have an aversion to partying. I am the mom of a son with ASD...probably on the Spectrum myself I worked full-time while I was in college. I still found time to be a female version of "Frank the Tank"...horribly embarrassing moments of my life. Partying can have horrific consequences. I'll feel especially blessed if my son feels the same way about partying as you do.

P.S. As an adult...the most successful people I know have an aversion to partying...and far less regrets

 

[Naturalist]

What happened to your roommate after that incident?

She had to appear before the social violations judiciary board, because I wrote a deposition stating what happened. I didn't find out what her punishment was, because they also gave me a new room... and I had no desire to retain her acquaintance!

 

[AGXStarseed]

She had to appear before the social violations judiciary board, because I wrote a deposition stating what happened. I didn't find out what her punishment was, because they also gave me a new room... and I had no desire to retain her acquaintance!

That's good at least that you got your own room.

 

[Tia Maria]

Kwispen, I agree with everyone who has posted that it is AWESOME that you have an aversion to partying on campus! Of course I am a middle aged Aunt now, but I can tell you that I did do some partying when I attended college MANY years ago. I will be so bold as to tell you that I was even in the "popular" crowd although I was always a 'good' girl & was NOT into the 'hook up' culture - of course it was NOT prevalent back then as it is today - but I was very pretty, dated & was pursued by many young men. I tell all that not to boast but to be honest, & to further let you know that it is all totally OVER RATED! Do not worry about it. Sure it was fun at the time. Even a lot of fun. BUT it is a few fleeting years that go by quickly, & then everyone leaves the insulated & spoiled cocoon of 'college' & heads out into the real world. In the real world, partying, drinking, getting drunk, hooking up & One night stands are not highly valued. They are even detrimental to having a satisfying & successful life. Popularity will be based more on knowledge & intelligence, decent communication skills & even being likable (including nice) than good looks etc... So when all these same people (i.e.; kids) grow up - in just a few years by the way! - they will be working, looking for solid people to form life bonds & have families with .... etc... How popular someone was, or how much fun they had, back in college will soon enough be a long forgotten memory. The fact is that college is an investment. It's expensive, & intended to obtain an education. My ONLY regret would be that I did not spend more time focused on expanding my knowledge, studying & doing things that truly invested in my future. Things turned out fine for me, but I know I could have reached higher heights career-wise had I been focused on the truly important things & wasted less of what is valuable (& expensive) time. You are probably more mature than most of your college peers. And people disrespecting their bodies & spirits with casual hook-ups is kind of disgusting as well as extremely devaluing. You are worth more than that. And there is so much more to life, & love. In my opinion your Dad's attitude is unfortunate, & I think you are wise and mature to desire a different path. Most parents today would be advising the exact same thing .... including my old (very popular) college friends (male & female) who want their own kids to limit any partying, study, study, study & stay focused. Try to find a like minded friend or two to do things together, & explore interests & hobbies outside of & away from the partying culture. In the end, it's truly nothing but a waste of time & loss of brain cells! Also, forget the hook ups. Wait to meet a good person with whom you can have a friendship & healthy relationship. Stay confident, & stay the course. I assure you will look back & be glad you did. And I promise you - you are missing out on nothing!

 

[Pyrola]

It's pretty bad when your best experiences in life involve losing your good judgement and hanging out with people that wouldn't converse or sleep with you so freely if they weren't impaired with alcohol themselves. Not to mention all the nasty diseases you could accrue. College is for academics, so I think your current stance on parties is spot on. Keep being sensible!

 

[KwiSpen]

Hello everyone. In case you are still following this thread, I have some news. I have found a happy medium. I am able to attend alone, and chat with people there. I still don't drink, but I do find it relaxing once the nervousness wears off. Thanks everyone.

 

[The Penguin]

Hello everyone. In case you are still following this thread, I have some news. I have found a happy medium. I am able to attend alone, and chat with people there. I still don't drink, but I do find it relaxing once the nervousness wears off. Thanks everyone.

It nice hearing from someone can enjoy themselves without drinking. This is stuff you don't hear from people often.

 

[Explosition_Rooster]

Hello everyone. In case you are still following this thread, I have some news. I have found a happy medium. I am able to attend alone, and chat with people there. I still don't drink, but I do find it relaxing once the nervousness wears off. Thanks everyone.

Well that's good to hear!