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More socially isolated than ever before.

Markness

Markness

Wondering Soul
V.I.P Member
I have become more socially isolated than ever before. I don’t have any social groups that I can attend get-togethers for, most of my friends in person are too busy with their jobs as well as families, my siblings both work full time as well as have their own families, it’s the same with my cousins, and I don’t have a bond with anyone at work because they have no time for me. I really slipped through the cracks and I don’t know if I can ever catch up.
 
It's difficult to be isolated and feel like being on the outside of everything, I hope you find something that works for you.
 
Hey dude

I am on your same boat but I enjoy my solitude

What I can recommend is opening a bit, at least a tid bit and see where it takes you, yes, you may get rejected by some people but someone out there will accept you as you are.

If you are more comfortable with online interactions and you find them as fulfilling as interactions in real life you could try slowly

Slowly is a penpal app that lets you connect with other people from around the world by exchanging letters

It has worked for me so far...

You can also use a webpage called meetup where you can browse meetings of people with your same interests

All in all, I know it sucks to be alone... please don't take this as me being judgmental because I am not being judgmental or telling you how to live your life

I am offering advice as someone who has been in very similar situations as yours, believ me I have been there and have felt that crushing desperation of loneliness and I have felt that crushing desperation of feeling... well... not liked

I grew up relentlessly bullied and mocked all my life by everyone who ever was in my life

With that said dude, please, try to find your inner love

That has helped me A LOT in overcoming all these situations that my silly little brain puts me in, I am little by little and VERY RECENTLY learned to tell my brain to shut it

When a negative thought comes I just try and turn it around and it has been helping so far

Once you find your inner worth and your inner love, things will come to you naturally it has worked for me lately, so I can tell you from experience that learning to love yourself helps

Where to start? Well do a small act of self love, as small as it may be dude, it can be just eating your favorite candy bar and telling yourself: "This is to me from me because I love me"

I know it's hard to say but say it even if it feels like a lie, lie to yourself and little by little you'll start believing.

Again i've been there dude, i've felt that, I know how it is to be completely alone and isolated from the world because you're different, I know how it is to wear a mask EVERY SINGLE DAY to be liked by people by fear of rejection... just... please try this little thing and see if it works

If it doesn't it doesn't mean that you will never love yourself dude, you just need to find something that works for you

only you can save yourself dude

I wish you success in your journey if you decide to start it, it's up to you in the end dude...

i don't wish luck because luck is random and sucess is a sure shot

keep shining, star
 
Markness said:
I really slipped through the cracks and I don’t know if I can ever catch up.
Click to expand...

Maybe it's not something that has to be "caught up on" though. Maybe it's like the ocean: low tides and high tides. Even neurotypical people encounter low tides in their social lives. It's easy to compare yourself to others and feel "behind" somehow, but yours sounds like a very human experience to me. Here's hoping your high tide gets here sooner rather later!
 
It is part of the adult world, to carve out a space for oneself. Think of the best of you and pursuing that into the future. And be centered, be self-focused, except to protect others, rather than comparing yourself to other's aspirational bubbles. Live in the present. The past is prologue and the future is being written. Scary, I know, and your social isolation I understand. My mind taking it as trauma that I have just dealt with in the past year. But I hope you will think deep and hard about what it will take to make yourself the person you want a relationship with. And one with future potential. Your therapist may help you with such goal setting. I hope your aspirational bubble is big enough to rise to the level of shy but confident in themselves. Unlike magnets, in human affairs, like attracts like. Think about how you have been recently: Do you like the type of person that would find you attractive?
 
I really think the best thing you could do for yourself is to join an autism focused support group. You need to meet other people who are going through similar things as you. Texas is a big state and Austin is close by. There surely should be some sort of autism support group you could get in touch with.
 
I've lived pretty much lived in near-isolation since 2006, when my mother passed away.

Yet I still find that in general, solitude trumps loneliness. "Making lemonade from life's lemons."
 
Judge said:
I've lived pretty much lived in near-isolation since 2006, when my mother passed away.

Yet I still find that in general, solitude trumps loneliness. "Making lemonade from life's lemons."
Click to expand...
My retirement went into effect 2 weeks after my wife passed away. The idea was to have more time together. So I too am more isolated than ever. Before, I had family and work or school. My extended family has diminished, and no one lives physically close. My sons are both adults now. One lives several states away.

Like Judge, I value solitude. I just didn't expect so much of it so suddenly. But I am finding my special interests are keeping me so busy I wonder how I ever had time to work.

One of my interests was how I met my wife. I wasn't expecting that. Our common interest was the thing that got us interacting. I don't start conversations with strangers. Had we randomly met somewhere, we would have not likely ever interacted.
 
I have used Meet Up before and my experiences with it were disappointing. The fact I don’t smoke and drink tends to immediately dash any chances of making new connections.
 
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Markness said:
I have become more socially isolated than ever before. I don’t have any social groups that I can attend get-togethers for, most of my friends in person are too busy with their jobs as well as families, my siblings both work full time as well as have their own families, it’s the same with my cousins, and I don’t have a bond with anyone at work because they have no time for me. I really slipped through the cracks and I don’t know if I can ever catch up.
Click to expand...
Friends (in person), siblings, cousins: "...too busy with their jobs as well as families..." and co-workers: "...they have no time for me"

Are you making excuses in order to avoid some difficult thing?
You have siblings and cousins.

Are you saying none of them would put aside 30 mins. a week, to meet with you, if you told them:

"I have become more socially isolated than ever before and I feel I really need periodic time with you, even just 30 mins a week, to feel connected."

When you read that suggestion just now, what thought did you have that made it sound like a bad suggestion?
 
Lightswitch411 said:
Friends (in person), siblings, cousins: "...too busy with their jobs as well as families..." and co-workers: "...they have no time for me"

Are you making excuses in order to avoid some difficult thing?
You have siblings and cousins.
Click to expand...
No, I am not making excuses. I have reached out to my cousins and they tend to say they can’t visit or go along with me somewhere because they already have their own commitments. Some don’t even visit each other and it doesn’t help that many of them don’t live near each other. My siblings are constantly sending group text messages about their outings with their families and especially what their children are doing. My siblings also don’t live close by either. The way you are talking makes it seem like you think my siblings and cousins are NPCs in a video game.
 
Markness said:
I’ve attended two social events with this group and both were disappointing.
Click to expand...

Would you like to tell us how was that so?

Sometimes not every event or type of event works for everyone.

And sometimes depending on who shows up, how many show up, and the venue / event, experiences can vary significantly, even within the same group.
 
VictorR said:
Would you like to tell us how was that so?

Sometimes not every event or type of event works for everyone.

And sometimes depending on who shows up, how many show up, and the venue / event, experiences can vary significantly, even within the same group.
Click to expand...
The first time was due to being the only person in their 20’s at the event. Everyone else was 40+ and I felt like I couldn’t join in. I was also disappointed there were no female members.

The second time was disappointing because I felt like I had nothing to show in regards to personal success because everyone else was surpassing me in terms of career as well as having a romantic relationship.
 
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Markness said:
The first time was due to being the only person in their 20’s at the event. Everyone else was 40+ and I felt like I couldn’t join in. I was also disappointed there were no female members.

The second time was disappointing because I felt like I had nothing to show in regards to personal success because everyone else was surpassing me in terms of career as well as having a romantic relationship.
Click to expand...
You might find now you have more in common with this kind of group, now that you're 35. You're closer to a 40-year-old than you are to a 25-year-old.
 
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