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mom and brother wouldn't stop playing with my stim toys

fern_77

fern_77

Active Member
V.I.P Member
yesterday when i was doing the dishwasher, i noticed that my mom and brother were playing with my stim toys that i had left on the kitchen table. i was nervous about asking them to stop playing with them, because i knew my mom would give me a hard time about it, but i asked anyway. i don't remember my exact wording, but it was something along the lines of "could you guys please stop playing with those?"

my mom asked me why and i told her that it was because they belonged to me and that i didn't want them to just be using my fidgets without asking me. she told me that that was what they were for (to use) and said that me asking them to stop using them because they belong to me is something a toddler would do

i said that i knew that my fidgets were to use and i wouldn't mind my mom and brother using them if they had asked and i had said yes, but that hadn't happened, they had just started using them. i also asked her to please not compare me to a toddler and said that if i just picked up and started using her phone without asking she'd be annoyed

my brother pointed out that phones have sensitive information on them and i told him that the reason i used my mom's phone as an example wasn't because it can have sensitive information on it, but because it's something that's important to her, like how my fidgets are important to me

my mom said she'd put it down in a minute and then both her and my brother kept playing with the stim toys and not putting them down. i said that i knew she was still playing with it to try to prove a point about how annoying it is when i say "in a minute" and then take a while to do something, but that her doing that was just spiteful because my taking a while to do things wasn't even the topic of our conversation. when i asked her again to put it down she said in a minute again and when i asked her for a third time she once again expressed her annoyance about my asking her to do so but put it down, then took the stim toy from my brother and put it down as well
 
I think that was deliberately being rude and the same as not affording you privacy. But it is also a learning moment in not leaving your private things around to be messed with by others.
 
Welcome. Are they on the autism spectrum? It's not unusual to have other family members with this. I believe my mom has it, and my daughter has it. I am not sure if my ex suffers from it.
 
Your family was indeed being rude and insensitive. I am apalled that your mother would act in this way. Her isistance that only toddlers act the way you did was pure gaslighting. She was caught being rude and was attempting to diminish her behavior by trying to make yours look worse.

On the surface though her poor behavior was fairly minor. Bhtter to just let it go and decide to never leave your things lieing around again.
 
fern_77 said:
yesterday when i was doing the dishwasher, i noticed that my mom and brother were playing with my stim toys that i had left on the kitchen table. i was nervous about asking them to stop playing with them, because i knew my mom would give me a hard time about it, but i asked anyway. i don't remember my exact wording, but it was something along the lines of "could you guys please stop playing with those?"

my mom asked me why and i told her that it was because they belonged to me and that i didn't want them to just be using my fidgets without asking me. she told me that that was what they were for (to use) and said that me asking them to stop using them because they belong to me is something a toddler would do

i said that i knew that my fidgets were to use and i wouldn't mind my mom and brother using them if they had asked and i had said yes, but that hadn't happened, they had just started using them. i also asked her to please not compare me to a toddler and said that if i just picked up and started using her phone without asking she'd be annoyed

my brother pointed out that phones have sensitive information on them and i told him that the reason i used my mom's phone as an example wasn't because it can have sensitive information on it, but because it's something that's important to her, like how my fidgets are important to me

my mom said she'd put it down in a minute and then both her and my brother kept playing with the stim toys and not putting them down. i said that i knew she was still playing with it to try to prove a point about how annoying it is when i say "in a minute" and then take a while to do something, but that her doing that was just spiteful because my taking a while to do things wasn't even the topic of our conversation. when i asked her again to put it down she said in a minute again and when i asked her for a third time she once again expressed her annoyance about my asking her to do so but put it down, then took the stim toy from my brother and put it down as well
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Get the impression that they don’t understand the connection that you have with your stim toy. They think it’s a toy that can be played without understanding what it does for you. Not sure how to deal with this situation but I know that it can be difficult and distressing. Your mom was wrong to do this to you.
 
I'm with you on this. Saying something like, "stop playing with that, that's mine!" sounds a bit selfish, but taking someone's things without asking is just rude.
Logically, there's nothing wrong with playing with your toys if you're not playing with them; it's not exactly hurting you (assuming they're not hurting the toys either). But again, it's only polite to ask first. It's not hard to ask, "hey, could I play with this?" first.
 
Aspychata said:
Welcome. Are they on the autism spectrum? It's not unusual to have other family members with this. I believe my mom has it, and my daughter has it. I am not sure if my ex suffers from it.
Click to expand...
That's what I thought.
I grew up living with my grandparents and as an adult when I was still living in the family home with my nan, my mum sometimes visited my nan during the day whilst I was working and she would help herself to nail varnish from a draw in my bedroom. I did explain that if she had asked me before hand then I would let her use some and leve it out for her, instead I just ended up getting cross with my mum and my mum never seemed to learn.
 
My mom seem to have zero disregard for my personal Items. My ex who is bipolar, also can have zero regard for my personal itrms.
 
Welcome fern_77.

I had problems like that growing up too. My parents thought it was okay for my sibs to go in my room and take my things and that I was wrong to object.

I get it. They should have asked you first.
 
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