My meltdowns not violent, but if i am in school i will just shut down, stare at the wall and refuse to do any work
I don't know what program you plan to be in but based on my experience in post-secondary, generally speaking, nobody is going to kick up any fuss if you walk out in the middle of a lecture (as in, walk out and take a break before you hit meltdown point) unless they have control issues or you're being really disruptive as you leave.
Nobody expects you to ask for permission to leave a classroom or lecture hall -- you just go. If there is some sort of discussion or group activity happening you can excuse yourself politely (e.g. "Sorry, I just need to step out for a minute -- be right back" or "Sorry, I'm not feeling well and I think I need to [go home/go get some water/whatever else fits with the time period you may be gone for and/or what you actually need to do]".
It does depend on the program, the specific professor, the institution, and the size of the class to some extent.....but it's not like high school. Nobody is there to police your attendance or try to make you do the required coursework -- you're responsible for yourself, which comes with the freedom to cut yourself some slack when you need it and to breathe easy knowing nobody will freak out if you have a bad day and shut down. (Except your parents, I suppose, if they remain very involved in your life and insist on overseeing your schoolwork and being told everything about your days...)
If you are taking classes in the humanities/arts your classes would probably be mostly lectures (except for exam days) -- required reading and writing papers and all the other "work" gets done mostly, or entirely, during your own time outside of class.
Depending on your program of study and what post-secondary institution you attend, many classes don't even have attendance requirements. (These tend to be the classes where lecture material is identical to what's covered in required readings and there is no practical/lab component -- although my biology professor made it clear from the beginning that none of our grade would be based on our attendance of lectures.)
Most (I would hope all) post-secondary institutions have a disability services office that provides various supports to students with disabilities (all kinds of disabilities -- physical, sensory, developmental, specific learning disabilities, psychological/mental health difficulties).....
Part of what they do is to set up reasonable accomodations for students that require them. Based on the documentation you provide them and on discussion with you, they sort out what you need that the school can provide and then communicate with your instructors to let them know about your situation and whatever accomodations you require. (To do this they often require a recent diagnosis or re-evaluation, and sometimes recent psychoeducational testing -- usually no older than around 5 years. But they may be able to help arrange that kind of testing or re-evaluation, or at least guide/refer people to other resources. Also,
very important: they typically require that you register with the disability services office in advance of your first semester -- often many months in advance, so t's something a person should look into early, if there's even the tiniest, remotest chance they'd ever need accomodations)
One of the accomodations the disability services officed in post-secondary schools typically provides is note-takers for those who (for whatever reason....perhaps being overwhelmed and shut down would be a qualifying reason?) may not be able to effectively take notes. (I was offered one because I have ADHD).
You also could ask to take audio recordings of your lectures (even without being registered with the disability services office a lot of professors would be fine with this as long as you ask permission and explain that you have difficulty with note-taking) if you are worried about spacing out and missing stuff.
If it is the school environment that stressed you out, you might consider looking for degree programs offered via distance ed. I understand that distance education has a bad reputation in a lot of people's minds, but at least in Canada legitimate degree programs offered by well-respected schools do exist....maybe that is the case in other countries, too.
(i cannot get half hour breaks and a room by myself in the real world,
That might not be true.
If you find a vocation you can excel at where breaks would not be completley impractical, and can demonstrate you are a valuable employee who does/will do good work, you might get those breaks as reasonable accomodations without issue.
You might even find a job (or multiple jobs) where half hour breaks by yourself in a quiet room are sort of built in and you don't have to ask for accomodations at all. A job where you work independently most or all of the time, and in a setting where you have your own office might be one example.
Or, if you could come up with suitable self-employment, you could determine your own working environment and schedule (of course, again you still have to choose the right kind of employment -- working for yourself doensn't automatically guarantee any particular kind of flexibility or environment, you'd have to find the right kind of work).
People may tell you that nobody looks out for anybody else in the real world, nobody will want to accomodate you.....and it's true that a lot of times people don't/won't (probably the majority of times, unfortunately), but it's not true that it never happens at all. There is hope.
For calming strategies, it depends on the source of your stress/anxiety. Prevention is usually the best solution....sometimes that just means minimizing sources of stress. Sometimes it means building a routine of activities that are relaxing or help you let off steam or express yourself or meet your sensory needs. Sometimes it means learning breathing exercises or meditation to do when your stress level starts rising.
