I think it's great that you're taking steps to improve your life, such as volunteering at two community gardens. I'm glad you enjoy it. I understand your need to avoid parks and meetup groups because you get triggered there. However, do you know there is proven therapy available to eliminate your triggers?
The psychological term for triggers is conditioned emotional response. When you encounter situations similar to harmful situations in the past, it automatically triggers the distressing emotions you previously felt. You brain is basically telling you, "You've encountered this situation previously. It's harmful. Avoid it!" While this is beneficial in situations that are truly harmful, it can make you quite unhappy when it occurs frequently in situations where the only harm is the emotions you experience.
CBT + exposure therapy, which involves seeking out situations that trigger you while thinking about the situation differently, can gradually reduce the intensity of the emotions you feel in those situations. Eventually, your brain will stop reacting negatively, which can allow you to enjoy being around people and places that currently trigger you. Understanding and seeing that you're not a helpless victim of other people's actions but can take steps to undo the damage other's caused can be liberating and make your life so much better than it is now.
