• Feeling isolated? You're not alone.

    Join 20,000+ people who understand exactly how your day went. Whether you're newly diagnosed, self-identified, or supporting someone you love – this is a space where you don't have to explain yourself.

    Join the Conversation → It's free, anonymous, and supportive.

    As a member, you'll get:

    • A community that actually gets it – no judgment, no explanations needed
    • Private forums for sensitive topics (hidden from search engines)
    • Real-time chat with others who share your experiences
    • Your own blog to document your journey

    You've found your people. Create your free account

Love

It's a big world, there is someone out there looking for someone like you. Have patience, my wife was older than you when we started dating.
 
Erin said:
I just wondered if other Aspies feel things so intensely like I do.
Click to expand...

I think that far from the unfeeling stereotype many Aspies feel too much, so much so that we can only express the extremes. I think we feel on a much larger scale and small changes are less perceptible both to ourselves and others.
 
I felt like that a bit when I was younger, I think it was hormones mostly. Anyways, only when I stopped looking did I find someone When we found each other it was intense and hot and awesome.
Fast forward 17 years and now things are tough. The relationship got tired, old, and we rarely speak anymore. A lot of the time I wish I was single, but don't know if I'd manage single. I'm missing a lot of life skills, and I think that's something my wife HATES about me. I do what I can and hold a job, but I will never be the man she wants me to be.
 
@Major Tom This was helpful and at the same time I hope you can either have a change of tides in your relationship or gain confidence in what you ARE good at
 
@Major Tom Its encouraging to me that you say you might be missing some life skills but you still found someone
And I agree there is definitely a lust aspect to it for me as well, if I can be so blunt
 
I am definitely missing life skills, like bill paying and budgeting etc.
Hang in there, you seem very well spoken and pretty, I'm sure there's someone out there that would love to have you at their side!
 
Yes, I feel trying to find someone to be important to myself; many are content with being single because it gives them more freedom to do what they want when they want and not have to consider conflicts of interest and schedules.

I however long for a romantic companionship. It gives me something to do and generally makes me happier to interact with that person and also gives me someone to talk to about my hobbies/interests if they share the same things I do. I may not get married (too expensive, and divorce is even moreso plus it's stressful, have first hand experience as my parents are currently going through one after being married a tad over 23 years) and I'm thankfully Childfree so any other important nonsensical responsibilities such as that go out the window for me and I'm totally fine with that.
 
Isadoorian said:
Yes, I feel trying to find someone to be important to myself; many are content with being single because it gives them more freedom to do what they want when they want and not have to consider conflicts of interest and schedules.
Click to expand...
Finding a partner in a romantic sense was never important to me.
Desire was not there and when I did date it was more of a friendly fun thing.
Emotional connection for me is almost impossible. At least at the level needed to have a good
relationship.
I am one of those that as quoted above: want the freedom to do what I want when I want it without
consideration of conflicts with another.
I never lived with anyone except blood related family until I was in my 50's and it is not a romantic partnership.
But now my family are all deceased and so are his. So we both agreed we wanted someone to be with in our older years instead of living alone.
But, sometimes it feels like a weight to always take into consideration someone else and not able
to just do as I want.
 
It's super important to me, I adore love as a whole but at the same time i can't really do it.. It's so conflicting, If i commit i feel like i'm suffocating instantly for some reason and it's sorta ruining my life and stopping me from ever trying despite the fact i'd love to, I don't think i'll ever give up trying but i'd need to find someone with extreme patience and understanding and take it slow, But overall yes it's important to me
 
Love is very important to me. And also a person to understand me and hopefully compensate for my flaws. I know this is a stupid thing but I will not take out the trash. So when I went from living at home to moving in with my husband (we didn't move in together after getting married for several months. I would just visit him on weekends). I made sure he would always take out the trash.

Anyway, I found him by doing my hobby (I was playing Diablo 3) and so we found each other through mutual interests. I would pursue your interests either in person or online via a community or chat room. Maybe even a dating site? I don't know which are good ones to recommend though.
 
I always thought, since young, that finding that true love was extremely important. I had a somewhat fairy tale outlook perhaps and things I read could seep deep inside. Thinking on its relation to autism, my speculation would be that it wasn't autism that gave me that deep need, but that it came from my natural personality and that autism just molded it somewhat in form. I think that because interaction with other Aspies seems to indicate a very wide variation. Some are like me, others are quite opposite, some in between.

What I would say sounds like a platitude, but isn't meant that way. I trully believe it. Never give up your dream and never give up because it is never too late. You can find that person at 30 at 40 at 50 and even beyond. People can remain interesting and attractive throughout life.

But its not an easy search. My own opinion is it is better to wait for the right one, the one you have no doubt about then to settle for less.

I did find mine btw. :) Just the right mixture of Galadriel and Goldberry (if you are familiar with Tolkien :D).
 
Major Tom said:
I am definitely missing life skills, like bill paying and budgeting etc.
Hang in there, you seem very well spoken and pretty, I'm sure there's someone out there that would love to have you at their side!
Click to expand...


Major Tom,

Maybe taking a course, even just a basic math or finance course at a local community college, could be helpful for you possibly so that you can build yourself to become more self-sufficient. And then, get a tutor too.

This seems a bit of a stretch, but not out of the question. You can go to one of those tutoring centers (such as Huntingdon Learning Center or Kumon) that normally helps students with standardized tests and building math skills. But instead of being a kid, you are an adult who wants to improve their general math skills.
 
Last edited:
I feel like I'm at the point where I feel making a connection with someone is important, especially since I've been so reclusive for a number of years.

I'm not sure though whether that connection is falling in love and marrying someone, or just finding a pal to talk about things like sports to.

Either way, my confidence is so low that I don't have courage to get to know anyone just for a simple friendship. I have had a crush on some lady for a while, but alas, I don't think she'll be interested in me so I feel kinda stuck.
 
I've been with the same person for almost 2 years and I find myself happier with him than without.

But... It is super hard, he's neurotypical and i am not. Sometimes i want him around, and sometimes I just want to do the things i want to do... He's definitely more understanding then other people i know.
 
I went through many "romantic interests" in my lifetime. I got told many times "I love you like a brother", "Why ruin a perfectly good friendship" and my favorite "You are a strange little man" before I met my wife. Guess my point is don't give up on yourself, There is someone out there for everyone. Sometimes it just takes time to find them.
 
I also really desire love but i think it's for an reason that i need to overcome myself...I want someone to love and love me because i have difficult times being able to love myself just as much and that's something i need to work on.
 
There is a difference between giving up and accepting reality. I am going to die alone. Nobody can meet my standards, and even if there was someone that could then they'd probably consider me too difficult to deal with.

That does not mean I give up, and do not try or have completely thrown all effort out of the window and will now live like a dirty smelly hermit. But I have accepted that we are dealing with an extremely unlikely situation.

Find some other things to do... things to build on your own. You don't want to wake up at 60 and realize you've wasted your entire life waiting and hoping for something that was never in the cards. I am not saying it's not going to happen... but why not accept the possibility that it won't? The world is not exactly overflowing with responsible individuals suitable for long term relationships. You are going to have to realize it's a crapshoot and adjust your expectations based on that. And naturally, you are going to have to put in a large amount of effort if you ever want to have a chance of meeting the right person. Prince Charming is most likely not going to crawl into your life through the chimney looking for milk and cookies.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom