Love

[Erin]

How important is finding love/a soul mate to any others on the spectrum? It is so important to me I feel, that if I continue to get nothing I don't want to live

 

[Fino]

I felt that way when I was between the ages of 16 and 23, and I believed the only thing that mattered was romantic love.

Have you experienced it much yet?

That usually helps get rid of that idea.

 

[Erin]

I haven't experienced it where it was a mutual interest - I am 37 and my desire feels so intense and I have had only disappointment. I can't help thinking it will just be more of the same.... thank-you for talking

 

[tlc]

I felt that way when I was between the ages of 16 and 23, and I believed the only thing that mattered was romantic love.

Have you experienced it much yet?

That usually helps get rid of that idea.

I totally agree with this. It was important to me in my late teens and 20s. But after all the turmoil it has caused in my life, I'm done with it. I don't even feel the desire to be with anyone anymore. I'm feeling noticeably older and I want to accomplish things for myself that I haven't been able to do with my resources going toward tending others.

 

[guitarandtattoos]

@Erin It's as important as you make it out to be. It use to be a big deal when i actually found someone but also as it stands my family has completely abandoned me my GF is the only support and social interaction I have.

Do you have anyone else in your life? I understand wanting a partner. I spent a lot of time alone and being the best person i could be so i could have a healthy relationship. After i put all the work in to being better and my family left me she just popped into my life.

I just think to find quality people you have to be a vulnerable person and you have to communicate healthy with your every experience and tbh when you're with someone your every choice has to put the other person into consideration. It not about just you anymore.

 

[Erin]

It has always been important to me, since about 16 years old. I just wondered if other Aspies feel things so intensely like I do. And it bothers me when anyone tells me that it shouldn't matter, because I've tried to push it aside but it matters to me.
I got rejected sort of by someone recently. But they were flirtatious at one point. I'm frustrated with how I am percieved as attractive in general but that has zero reflection on what my love life is actually like.
I really appreciate your input

 

[tlc]

Most people I've dated have said I'm very attractive. But everything else has to work out too. I know many very attractive people but me and them would never work out together. I just don't believe in flirting if you have no intention of following through, I don't like to see people do that.

 

[guitarandtattoos]

It has always been important to me, since about 16 years old. I just wondered if other Aspies feel things so intensely like I do. And it bothers me when anyone tells me that it shouldn't matter, because I've tried to push it aside but it matters to me.
I got rejected sort of by someone recently. But they were flirtatious at one point. I'm frustrated with how I am percieved as attractive in general but that has zero reflection on what my love life is actually like.
I really appreciate your input

@Erin I'm a firm believer in love is greatest force in the universe. It doesn't have to be romantic per se but it is a choice that you have to make to hold in your heart towards others. The world would be such a greater place if we gave more smiles, laughs and spent quality time with others. Even if you have no-one adopt this mentality and you will be a happier person.

As far as your experience of rejection that's tough i was in a similar situation with a best friend, she would come on to me plain as day, we'd talk on the phone for hours together, she'd tell what she wanted to do with me.. and she'd even show me nude pictures of her.. I asked her if she wanted to date and she rejected the offer and it broke our friendship completely.

Sure, you're a pretty woman but that's not all you have to offer; offer some time, fun, conversation and understanding to others and everything will work out alright.

 

[Erin]

I know there's a lot more to it than looks. My feeling is, I am somehow lacking in a social way and so it doesn't matter what I look like, because I can't seem to connect with someone anyway...
Flirting with no intention isn't as fun anyway I find, you only want to do it with someone you like

 

[Erin]

@Erin I'm a firm believer in love is greatest force in the universe. It doesn't have to be romantic per se but it is a choice that you have to make to hold in your heart towards others. The world would be such a greater place if we gave more smiles, laughs and spent quality time with others. Even if you have no-one adopt this mentality and you will be a happier person.

As far as your experience of rejection that's tough i was in a similar situation with a best friend, she would come on to me plain as day, we'd talk on the phone for hours together, she'd tell what she wanted to do with me.. and she'd even show me nude pictures of her.. I asked her if she wanted to date and she rejected the offer and it broke our friendship completely.

Sure, you're a pretty woman but that's not all you have to offer; offer some time, fun, conversation and understanding to others and everything will work out alright.

 

[Erin]

Do you have any idea at all why this friend acted this way? Did you ever find someone where you mutually cared for each other?

 

[guitarandtattoos]

@Erin

I know there's a lot more to it than looks. My feeling is, I am somehow lacking in a social way and so it doesn't matter what I look like, because I can't seem to connect with someone anyway...
Flirting with no intention isn't as fun anyway I find, you only want to do it with someone you like

There's a lot of people on this earth and without a doubt there is someone more awkward than you. My GF is also extremely awkward and eccentric in ways that i am. I'm not sure if you have some ideal man in mind but if you do you should throw it out the window. As long as this person respects you and is willing to understand you that's what matters and where love will form. anything else is frills and thrills and you'll only get hurt in the end.

Do you have any idea at all why this friend acted this way? Did you ever find someone where you mutually cared for each other?

Not really, maybe she liked the attention.Maybe it was some type of karma, I've been a jackass to women in the past, who knows but there's always a lesson to learn.

Yeah, my current GF mutually care we actually met in a loneliness support chat room. Learning more about her we've had similar awful childhoods, un involved families, we both deal with similar issues. Maybe you should look for someone with similar life problems as you. Where's a better place to start then with someone who already gets you?

 

[Erin]

@guitarandtattoos it could have been the attention girls love that but too bad she kind of led you on, that feels painful. But I have been in both positions, the one being rejected and the one doing the rejecting - I hate both

 

[Hollow Horse]

I'm hardly sociopathic but I'm pretty indifferent to the emotions of others.

So that makes relationships nigh-on impossible.

And my bed is for me.

 

[Fino]

I have had someone behave the same way and they eventually explained it, saying that they just wanted to feel wanted and told sad stories about feeling unwanted in the past.

 

[Erin]

I feel like this person from recently just enjoyed the attention and ego boost

 

[guitarandtattoos]

@guitarandtattoos it could have been the attention girls love that but too bad she kind of led you on, that feels painful. But I have been in both positions, the one being rejected and the one doing the rejecting - I hate both

@Erin I've also been the one rejecting. Although this story is a bit more personal and id rather not share publicly. But, I'd say placing or expecting all your happiness in another person doesn't allow enough space for an reciprocal feeling to come forth. It's best to always have your own happiness, your own hobbies and your own little life even if its not much. You have to be happy and stable with alone or else how can you be able to maintain anything with anyone else? Having a partner is double the work. Essentially there may be some cons if you aren't in a place to be able to do your part. In the meantime i hope this forum offers a bit of support.

 

[Erin]

@tlc I do find that kind of sad, like the way you had to give up

 

[Fino]

I don't read "giving up" in anything he said. He, and I, lost interest and shifted priorities, is what I'm getting from his posts.

 

[guitarandtattoos]

Are you really 25 though? You talk a lot older...

@Erin Yes, I'm really 25. I appreciate that. For me, i think that I've just had to change so much about me. I've not always been the guy i am today, I haven't always felt the way i feel or think the way i do. Part of it is because i always want to be the best person i can be now, a lot of it was from personal mistakes or just painful situations in life. Aging is a strange thing but if we don't change how much have we really grown?