Lonely

[Joshua the Writer]

I hope you feel better about yourself soon.

 

[100skerls]

I feel the same. But not at the moment. It’s a cycle. I’m lonely so I try to find people to relate to, then I find myself in a situation I don’t understand, I get hurt, and then I retreat until I recover enough to start feeling optimistic enough to want to try again. Currently I’m in the recovery phase, and I don’t feel lonely in this phase because if I did I’d want to meet people.

I sort of don’t trust myself when it comes to meeting people, I can’t read subtle innuendos and I have a really hard time finally extricating myself from a situation once I’ve realized what’s going on (Roundabout way of saying I can’t tell when people are flirting with me). Maybe it’s just that I’m always hoping they are actually into wildlife or rocks or whatever and I’ll actually make a friend. I don’t know how to talk to people who don’t talk to me first. I’ve made very few female friends (or real friends at all) because of this. And I’ve since moved away from them. It seems like it’s just luck when it comes to finding people who are like me and who want to be friends as much as I do. I probably don’t try hard enough but as far as autistic clubs or whatever, there is none of that that I know of where I live.

 

[100skerls]

But I can say the most success I had was when I was involved in clubs pertaining to my interests. I found a valuable friend when I was a volunteer gardener (she was almost certainly autistic) and got a sense of community when I was involved in an animal rights organization because once a week I’d have dinner with a small group for the animal rights organization and once a week I’d do gardening and got to socialize and see my friend.

 

[100skerls]

It is frustrating and you’re so right that NT’s often have a lot of hidden meaning in what they say and because this is how they function they are impossible to understand and its very frustrating if they think there is hidden meaning in something we say or do when there is none.

 

[grommet]

i definitely understand where you're coming from, but for me one of the reasons i like to be by myself is that i have had bad experiences with people in the past. i haven't had any real life friends in years. yes, there are times when i wish i could be around people (mostly autistics). i have nothing against NTs, its just that i don't like the negative attitude or ableist like mannerisms that some of them give to us autistics. i do wish that people would stop looking at us suspiciously when it comes to stimming and the like. and another thing, I'm awfully sorry about you and your breakup. i wish you nothing but the best!!!

Thank you for saying something about my breakup.

I have two friends left. They are not autistic but still very good friends. When I do not have them I will be alone. I can be alone quite a lot and it is okay but I have not been around other autistic people enough, I need that feeling of being normal, of home. It is exhausting being different and being judged everyday by NTs who think I am strange. Last week my doctor, my GP, said during my appointment that I am the strangest person she has ever met in her life. That hurt me deeply and I do not think she had the right to speak to me that way. She is very nice and friendly with me, also very honest and until now that has been a good thing but I think she should have kept that thought to herself. I am not strange. I make sense if you understand things the way I do.

This is a silly example but for years all my NT friends were in terrible debt, buying things they didn't really care about or need and continuing to buy things even when they knew that had too much debt. It worried them but they didn't stop spending. I on the otherhand had no debt. I didn't care about fashion or traveling or concerts and I didn't drink alcohol at bars so I didn't spend the money they did. But people say I am the strange one.

Just now I do not feel like trying to understand them or making them understand me. I want to be with my own people where I do not have to explain. Aspies, for the most part, make sense to other aspies. I want that for a while.

I am sorry for the bad experiences you have had. I think that may be true for most of us. It is for me. It is my fault that I do not socialize well and seem to upset people but it is not something I can change unless I follow a script and memorize rules of behaviour. Then I am not being honest and I am working hard at something all the time, which is tiring and it is all so I can fit in better with people I do not really understand or can share things with.

 

[grommet]

you need to see a therapist !this isn’t just autism ,it is autism and anxiety , go to the resources section on this forum and look at suicide hotline’s ,talk !to somebody on one of them .

You have given me something to think about. These last few weeks I have been thinking about counseling.

 

[grommet]

Therapy isn’t always necessary. I feel this way most of the time in public and know it’s because I don’t have anyone with me for company. If I had company, (which is rare) I wouldn’t think as much about those around me than if I was alone in my head. Loneliness can have us overthinking which can lead to anxiety issues.

I do not understand the last sentence you wrote. You wrote it clearly and I know it makes sense but I still can't understand it. It is a limitation I am having. I do not know how loneliness can lead to overthinking. They must be related somehow but I cannot make that connection just now. Thank you for the interesting thought.

 

[hardrockandmetalguy]

Thank you for saying something about my breakup.

I have two friends left. They are not autistic but still very good friends. When I do not have them I will be alone. I can be alone quite a lot and it is okay but I have not been around other autistic people enough, I need that feeling of being normal, of home. It is exhausting being different and being judged everyday by NTs who think I am strange. Last week my doctor, my GP, said during my appointment that I am the strangest person she has ever met in her life. That hurt me deeply and I do not think she had the right to speak to me that way. She is very nice and friendly with me, also very honest and until now that has been a good thing but I think she should have kept that thought to herself. I am not strange. I make sense if you understand things the way I do.

This is a silly example but for years all my NT friends were in terrible debt, buying things they didn't really care about or need and continuing to buy things even when they knew that had too much debt. It worried them but they didn't stop spending. I on the otherhand had no debt. I didn't care about fashion or traveling or concerts and I didn't drink alcohol at bars so I didn't spend the money they did. But people say I am the strange one.

Just now I do not feel like trying to understand them or making them understand me. I want to be with my own people where I do not have to explain. Aspies, for the most part, make sense to other aspies. I want that for a while.

I am sorry for the bad experiences you have had. I think that may be true for most of us. It is for me. It is my fault that I do not socialize well and seem to upset people but it is not something I can change unless I follow a script and memorize rules of behaviour. Then I am not being honest and I am working hard at something all the time, which is tiring and it is all so I can fit in better with people I do not really understand or can share things with.

i don't think you're strange (from what I've seen from you so far) and thank you for your positive feedback. now as for your NT friends, I'm glad that you have some (2 as you mentioned) and i hope all still goes well. now, i can relate to you about not being into fashion, concerts and traveling. i don't drink (or smoke) at all because i am not into that stuff. apparently most people around my age are into the things you and i mentioned and i don't fit in with most of my demographic. i would love to make friends with both Aspies and NTs but i seem to do a bit better with Aspies but not all of them, after all, all aspies or everyone is different. but most people around my age i don't know about. i'm sure there are some good NTs that would accept us but those people are very limited. okay, i must stop commenting here.

 

[Streetwise]

I do not understand the last sentence you wrote. You wrote it clearly and I know it makes sense but I still can't understand it. It is a limitation I am having. I do not know how loneliness can lead to overthinking. They must be related somehow but I cannot make that connection just now. Thank you for the interesting thought.

over thinking is just thinking too much may I ask is English your first language ?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I get lonely too. The problem I have is speaking to people to keep them interested. They say "How was your day?" which I hate BTW and I say "it is fine" or "its good" then a few small words back and forth and it is over. Every time that is the end of talking. Then I see others talk to them and they both go on and on. I do accept it but it often makes me feel lonely.

 

[grommet]

over thinking is just thinking too much may I ask is English your first language ?

Yes you may. English is my first language.

 

[Streetwise]

Yes you may. English is my first language.

do you find it easier to communicate in pictures or emojis or gifs .The latter works for me as the movement seems to stimulate communication .

 

[grommet]

do you find it easier to communicate in pictures or emojis or gifs .The latter works for me as the movement seems to stimulate communication .

Thank you for asking. No, I do not. I do best with words. I am mostly confused when people use gifs and I cannot understand emojis at all except for the obvious ones like smiley face. I thought they might be like pictographs hieroglyphs but very confusing. When I see them I do not try to decipher them anymore.

That is good you found something that helps you.

 

[grommet]

I hope you feel better about yourself soon.

Thank you. I want to apologize for not knowing earlier you had written to me. It is difficult for me to follow what is happening in the thread in real time.

I think I may be feeling a little better. It is nice to talk with my aspie people here like yourself. Right now it feels like one day at a time while I sort out my feelings.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

Thank you. I want to apologize for not knowing earlier you had written to me. It is difficult for me to follow what is happening in the thread in real time.

I think I may be feeling a little better. It is nice to talk with my aspie people here like yourself. Right now it feels like one day at a time while I sort out my feelings.

You're welcome. I'm glad you are progressing.

 

[Streetwise]

Thank you for asking. No, I do not. I do best with words. I am mostly confused when people use gifs and I cannot understand emojis at all except for the obvious ones like smiley face. I thought they might be like pictographs hieroglyphs but very confusing. When I see them I do not try to decipher them anymore.

That is good you found something that helps you.

it doesn’t help as much as I may be conveying to you just slightly more

 

[the_tortoise]

It is my fault that I do not socialize well and seem to upset people

It is not your fault.

It always takes two people to make communication/social interaction work and you aren’t having difficulty on purpose.