Liking older men

[AspieChris]

co-workers are a no-no to me, regardless of age.

I once had 2 ex-girlfriends, 1 ex-fiancee, and a secret new girlfriend, all working together in the same office as me.

I don’t recommend dating people at work, but at least there’s something to talk about at dinner.

 

[Tom]

To me, as long as its kept between consenting adults, love is what matters most. But do be aware big age differences usually mean one will hit old age and death long before the other and can lead to lengthy caregiver situations.

As for me, I went for the strong woman, but just one for life. And dogs. It's ok to love lots of dogs.

 

[Dagan]

I'm 47, and to add something extra to this conversation. If I were to find out some gal half my age was after me, it will probably make me feel really odd because I have a daughter exactly half my age. It's a whole dynamic set of thoughts that give a creepy kind of feeling "to me." I'm not saying that it isn't possible to work out for whomever else. I just wanted to point out a perspective that is different than others have shared.

Also, just for the sake of sharing because I'm not sure if it's something that we on the spectrum deal with (across the board, if you will), but I am not very good at determining ages of folks past a certain point..??? I have a lot of trouble deciphering ages from about 25 to 50 years old. I mean, I am horrible at guessing to the degree that, when I do start dating attempts again, I hope it's cleared up for me someway easier than being rude and having to ask. Oops.

 

[AspieChris]

I'm 47, and to add something extra to this conversation. If I were to find out some gal half my age was after me, it will probably make me feel really odd because I have a daughter exactly half my age. It's a whole dynamic set of thoughts that give a creepy kind of feeling "to me." I'm not saying that it isn't possible to work out for whomever else. I just wanted to point out a perspective that is different than others have shared.

Also, just for the sake of sharing because I'm not sure if it's something that we on the spectrum deal with (across the board, if you will), but I am not very good at determining ages of folks past a certain point..??? I have a lot of trouble deciphering ages from about 25 to 50 years old. I mean, I am horrible at guessing to the degree that, when I do start dating attempts again, I hope it's cleared up for me someway easier than being rude and having to ask. Oops.

My trick is to just tell women that look really young, like 22 when they’re obviously much older. They’re either flattered or just laugh.

With men, I just avoid the subject. Dudes don’t share much personal stuff anyway

 

[Rodafina]

My trick is to just tell women that look really young, like 22 when they’re obviously much older. They’re either flattered or just laugh.

I never understood this behavior. People say that to me in a tone that suggests they are making a complement, but I don't understand it. I always just say, "Okay," and try to change the subject. I wonder if people laugh because they are uncomfortable and don't know how to respond.

 

[AspieChris]

I wonder if people laugh because they are uncomfortable and don't know how to respond.

Nope.

Women are very often insecure about getting old, fat, etc. They usually avoid talking about how much of their youthful good looks have faded. I have NEVER understood why they care but I have learned that they do. They laugh because it’s nice to be lied to.

I know. Lied to? Happy about it? She knows I’m lying. I know I’m lying. She knows that I know I’m lying. And that makes her laugh?

Life for me has been a collection of arbitrary rules that make no sense. It’s like talking my way out of a speeding ticket every day when I leave my house and go to work.

 

[Rodafina]

I know. Lied to? Happy about it? She knows I’m lying. I know I’m lying. She knows that I know I’m lying. And that makes her laugh?

 

[NDR2]

I dated a much older woman when I was 19. 14 years older. It was fine in the beginning, as new relationships usually are. But after a year or so, what I learned is this:

I was a very mature 19. She was a relatively immature 33. We fit at first. However she was basically done ‘growing up’ and I still had growing up to do. A year later, I had matured enough that we didn’t fit very well. Had I met her when I was 21 and she was 35, we never would’ve dated because I was simply more grown up and responsible. No offense to her, but we happened upon eachother in a moment in time where we were equally developed. When I matured a little, the things I thought were cute became annoying.

It was a good experience for me, except the horrible fights near the end.

That’s part of the problem for me. It’s said that younger people often like older people because they’re more mature. I probably don’t act too mature.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Nope.

Women are very often insecure about getting old, fat, etc. They usually avoid talking about how much of their youthful good looks have faded. I have NEVER understood why they care but I have learned that they do. They laugh because it’s nice to be lied to.

I know. Lied to? Happy about it? She knows I’m lying. I know I’m lying. She knows that I know I’m lying. And that makes her laugh?

Life for me has been a collection of arbitrary rules that make no sense. It’s like talking my way out of a speeding ticket every day when I leave my house and go to work.

I think the fact that you would take the time to lie (or kid), without wanting something, shows more care than people who don't. It's still a way of saying she's worth addressing as a person. And the idea that someone could flatter her like that might be enough, if there is nothing else.

 

[AspieChris]

I think the fact that you would take the time to lie (or kid), without wanting something, shows more care than people who don't. It's still a way of saying she's worth addressing as a person. And the idea that someone could flatter her like that might be enough, if there is nothing else.

I agree.

People just want to be acknowledged. Even if it’s just a lighthearted joke. Learning how to tell when to be serious vs being comical has been one of the most difficult life lessons I have had to learn.

 

[Rodafina]

Learning how to tell when to be serious vs being comical has been one of the most difficult life lessons I have had to learn

Learning when others are being serious versus being comical is currently one of the most difficult lessons I am learning.

I feel like I don’t always have to understand the humor, I just have to understand that they are being humorous. This has been very difficult for me.

 

[AspieChris]

I feel like I don’t always have to understand the humor, I just have to understand that they are being humorous.

Great point. You just made me realize that what I’m doing is recognizing when others are meaning to be funny and I just reply with a very convincing but fake laugh. The part that sucks is that sometimes their joke is very damaging to me and I have to swallow that pain, pretending to laugh along with them.

The worst is when someone in a position of authority is joking but looks very serious and telling me that I’m in a lot of trouble. I actually had a police officer joking with me (but I couldn’t tell), put me in handcuffs and say that I had a warrant for my arrest. He thought it was hilarious, but I still have nightmares about going to jail.

 

[chincey_james]

I can recognize humor fairly easily (I think), but I can't always recognize the intentions behind that humor. Are they using humor to express a deep truth (annoyance/dislike of me), or are they just having fun (expressing affection)? That's what confuses me.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I have a friend in her early thirties who likes older men. She hangs out with us, our ages range from 47 right through to 60. I am 57.