Liking older men

[Hylian]

Does anyone here my age (early 20s) like older men? I feel weird about it? but I like a guy in his 40s and I can't really talk to anyone about it and I don't know what to do about it...

 

[Hylian]

Advice from older people is also OK, to clarify, I'm just particularly curious about how people my age or people who liked older men when they were my age handle this. The guy is also a coworker, and I just feel weird because I know my family and coworkers wouldn't like it if they knew I liked him.

 

[elgat0verde]

In the end the person who likes him is you

Don't think of what others may think if it's your feelings dude

You're not breaking any laws or anything with having a crush on someone older

 

[Hylian]

In the end the person who likes him is you

Don't think of what others may think if it's your feelings dude

You're not breaking any laws or anything with having a crush on someone older

True. I just get nervous thinking about it because I have noticeable autism and everyone knows I have autism. I feel like he'd never like me back and if anyone knew I liked him they'd greatly discourage it, and even if he did like me back he would probably discourage it because of that too. Like that's fine but that also sucks.

 

[elgat0verde]

You autism doesn't define you dude

Remember you HAVE autism you ARE NOT autism

If he doesn't like you then he wasn't mean to be part of your life that way (you may make a new friend)

If he does, where's the problem in that dude?

Maybe I'm being a bit blunt... But in the end you can't define your life's choices on everyone else's opinions but your own dude

Like... Ohhh what are people gonna say? Well who has the crush everyone around you or you?

Unless he's married or is some kind of creeper (not talking badly about him) who cares about who YOU decide to be with?

Could be the best thing that ever happened to you dude... Or the best friend you've ever had

Don't let other people's opinions define you dude

You are who you are and you like who you like...

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Does anyone here my age (early 20s) like older men? I feel weird about it? but I like a guy in his 40s and I can't really talk to anyone about it and I don't know what to do about it...

I mind of like, I do not like older men but sometimes I see more sense and wisdom in older men.
In terms of they can be quite knowledge and are not really like too stuck in the digital age.
And have lived and experienced a lit so may have sound wisdom to offer or at least help you be kinder to yourself or understand your pain or any growing pains you may have experienced
But I kind of like a younger appearance but they may not always be an issue.
But age is no barrier to love. Sometimes different ages work well together.

 

[kenaij]

You are an adult. The only thing that matters is that you like him, and maybe he likes you back. Like others have said. It should not matter what other people think of it. Eventhou I understand you care.
I think the hardest part in this is that he is your co-worker. That is a far more annoying obstacle than your age difference or whether or not he also likes man (but maybe you already know the answer to that).
Try to get a little more in contact with him at work. If possible do some work related things as pairs. See if you actually connect on that level. After that you`ll have to figure out whether or not the risk of losing face and having to deal with dissapointment is worth a potential relationship with this man.
Best of luck, it is not an easy situation.

 

[Ursus Chainus]

I am attracted to people outside of my external experience. Different age or culture. My wife is 6 years older than me and was born in Vietnam.

She shares much of my internal experience as she is on the spectrum. I adore women on the spectrum.

I actually like people on the spectrum in general.

I think it is ok to like what you like! Just don’t put anyone on a pedestal. Don’t think age brings wisdom. I do foolish things all of the time.

 

[Rodafina]

Two consenting adults is the most important thing to start with. But there is a difference between liking someone (sounds one-sided) and having a growing relationship with someone where there is mutual affection and similar maturity levels. Infatuation with an older person is more simple than actually having a relationship with one.

 

[Neri]

I had a lot of children to someone who was twice my age when I met him. I was only 16 and a homeless, situationally-mute autist. We made music and babies together. I love my children but I don't think he, the dad, was interested in me for the right reasons. The power differential was too great.

If he is interested in you, make sure he respects you as a person, before you leap into anything.

Age can be less of an issue if there is true respect and affection.

The guy I'm with now is 6 years older and we get each other a lot more than me and my kids dad. He (,my kid's dad) was like a generation older than me. Closer to my mum's age than mine. The guy I'm with now has my same generation memories like fashion and music and so much we can reminisce about growing up in a similar era, but the main thing is that he loves me and accepts me and gets me. He's also an Autist.
I think that matter more than age. Treating each other like someone who you care about and enjoy being with.

 

[Hylian]

Two consenting adults is the most important thing to start with. But there is a difference between liking someone (sounds one-sided) and having a growing relationship with someone where there is mutual affection and similar maturity levels. Infatuation with an older person is more simple than actually having a relationship with one.

I have a crush on him, but there's a possibility that he likes me back. He seems kind of BAP or Aspie though, and can be super awkward around me, so I can never really tell and I'm too afraid to ask. He's also a supervisor (not MY supervisor at all, but one for another department) which complicates things more. I also don't think our maturity levels are the same, I don't really act my age, I act like 12-14 from what others say. That's why I mentioned that my autism complicates it, because everyone views me as functioning way younger than I am.

 

[Rodafina]

I have a crush on him, but there's a possibility that he likes me back. He seems kind of BAP or Aspie though, and can be super awkward around me, so I can never really tell and I'm too afraid to ask. He's also a supervisor (not MY supervisor at all, but one for another department) which complicates things more. I also don't think our maturity levels are the same, I don't really act my age, I act like 12-14 from what others say. That's why I mentioned that my autism complicates it, because everyone views me as functioning way younger than I am.

This sounds like a setup for a potential power imbalance. That can lead to an unhealthy dynamic in a relationship.

I agree with the point made by @kenaij that romantic interest in someone that you work with adds layers of complication.

 

[Forest Cat]

God I feel so old now. Older men, in their 40s... I'll just go and change batteries in my hearing aid, sharpen my walking stick and chase some kids off my lawn. I just have to get someone to help me out of this chair first

 

[Rodafina]

God I feel so old now. Older men, in their 40s... I'll just go oil my hearing aid, sharpen my walking stick and chase some kids off my lawn.

I’m right there with you. I realized that I am in the “older woman“ category for this thread.

 

[Forest Cat]

I’m right there with you. I realized that I am in the “older woman“ category for this thread.

Do you want to help me chase kids off the lawn? It can be a lot of fun.

 

[Hylian]

God I feel so old now. Older men, in their 40s... I'll just go and change batteries in my hearing aid, sharpen my walking stick and chase some kids off my lawn. I just have to get someone to help me out of this chair first

Sorry. He's just "older" compared to me. I mean, he's old enough to be my dad, so that's definitely "older". lol

 

[Judge]

God I feel so old now. Older men, in their 40s... I'll just go and change batteries in my hearing aid, sharpen my walking stick and chase some kids off my lawn. I just have to get someone to help me out of this chair first

Haven't you heard? The forties are now preteen! So I must be in my late twenties. <Insert-Klingon-Growl>

As for "dog years", don't even go there.

 

[NDR2]

I’m a man in my early 50’s and I find women in their early 20’s most attractive. It does seem that not too many of them are interested in me - not even in becoming friends.

 

[Bobsterkitty]

Advice from older people is also OK, to clarify, I'm just particularly curious about how people my age or people who liked older men when they were my age handle this. The guy is also a coworker, and I just feel weird because I know my family and coworkers wouldn't like it if they knew I liked him.

Hey there, I am *now* "older," but once was your age. My age bracket throughout life is -7 to +28. The -7 was more disastrous and did not last; that one listened to their superficial peers, and I got bored; strangely, their parents were okay with our brief stint. My ND partner of 2+ decades is +19 years. There are advantages, such as never having to worry about having kids. Snip snip right after we got married, all good. Interests have been true interests, not anything forced on us by society. Negative? As we got older, the energy gap became more pronounced. My advice? Go one step at a time, and keep monitoring your feelings and attitudes and their behavior toward you. You two are writing that story, nobody else. Now, I just read the rest of what I am quoting - co-workers are a no-no to me, regardless of age.

 

[AspieChris]

I dated a much older woman when I was 19. 14 years older. It was fine in the beginning, as new relationships usually are. But after a year or so, what I learned is this:

I was a very mature 19. She was a relatively immature 33. We fit at first. However she was basically done ‘growing up’ and I still had growing up to do. A year later, I had matured enough that we didn’t fit very well. Had I met her when I was 21 and she was 35, we never would’ve dated because I was simply more grown up and responsible. No offense to her, but we happened upon eachother in a moment in time where we were equally developed. When I matured a little, the things I thought were cute became annoying.

It was a good experience for me, except the horrible fights near the end.