Life with asperger's syndrome is a hell. Please im begging you. I need your help.

[AspieDenmark]

Hello my name is Aleksander and im 18 years old. I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome not many years ago and i feel like my life has been a hell since ive hit puberty.

Every day my brain has to work on overload because with asperger's syndrome your social skills are extremely terrible and all that overload everyday, the last couple of years has also lead me to a depression.

Almost every day i feel like killing myself because of Asperger's syndrome. My whole life is affected by it.

Everytime somebody says something that isnt in my interest, my brain will lock it up and i will keep the thought going for days. My psychiatrist also explained that Aspies has a problem with that, and they tend to lock thoughts up that has affected them.

I also have a terrible problem with forgive and forget. Its so hard to forgive people because if they called a ''normal'' person ugly, it will be 10 times hardere for a person with asperger's syndrome so really what normal people go through, will be 10 times hardere with asperger's syndrome.

Im really sorry for my terrible english but im begging for some guidance and tips for how you get through your day. Im really desperate because every day i feel like im sinking down a whole that is growing deeper and deeper.

Aleksander

 

[Andy R]

Hi Aleksander. Welcome

First of all well done for getting a diagnosis so early in life. Please don't hurt yourself. You are among friends here. Everything you mention above I have been through and feel in my life.

Despite this I have been quite successful in my life and you can be too.

Asperger's diagnosis provides answers to how you can engineer your environment so you are not overloaded. Once you are able to do this you will find great focus and be really good at what you choose to do.

Oh, and please don't apologise for your English, it is excellent and something you should be proud of

 

[MoCoffee]

Hi Aleksander, please don't give up. You are right that those of us with Autism Spectrum Disorders tend to hold on to and obsess over things longer than most people, but we have to remind ourselves that it's the disorder in our thinking that's the real problem. As hard as it is, we have to learn to let go. I'm 56 years old and it took until my diagnosis last summer to understand this. It's so hard for us to function in the NT world, and definitely harder for men because we women seem to be able to blend in a little better. Come here and talk to us when you are having a bad time. We absolutely understand what you're dealing with.

 

[Turk]

Hi Aleksander and welcome,
Arming yourself with all the knowledge you can, is your best defence against the effects of Aspergers. This site is full of Aspies who have overcome, managed their symptoms and are living functional lives. Read through the forums, see the pain others have experienced, and draw from it that you are not alone, and together we have the strength to overcome. Dont give up, as youve only just got here, and we will be all the lesser for not getting to know you.
Cheers
Turk

 

[Keith]

Welcome, Aleksander.

I too obsess about things to an unnecessary extent. I still obsess about things that happened several years ago, even when they weren't that serious. I also get stressed out sometimes, but I let it all out at bedtime and feel better the next morning. Prayer also helps me. I also try to justify what's stressing me, figure out why it exists (inconveniences, embarrasments, and disappointments are the usual cause for me), then I can just mock them.

 

[nowwhat]

Yeah life with AS is hard, but don't give up hope. You'll be surrounded by people who don't understand you, but we do know what you're going through and hope you visit often. Everyone here is very nice. Do some reading, and you'll see that a lot of us sound a lot like you. Hope we can somehow ease your way.

 

[ghoulbler]

I'm not the best at giving advice when it comes to dealing with having Asperger's because I am still trying hard to figure that out myself, but I do hope you stick around these forums. It helps a lot. This website is one of my safe places and everyone is quite nice.

 

[AspieDenmark]

Thank you so much guys. You make me feel like im not alone in this and thats a big thing for me. Can you help me with something else? I got a couple of online friends and there is alot of times where they missunderstands me or i missunderstands them because of my AS but how do i explain to them that i have AS without them thinking im a maniac because they dont know what it is.

 

[rollerskate]

Maybe someone else has had success with that route and can comment on it, but personally I've found it's easier to not mention it except on a need to know basis. Partially because it is so hard to explain, partially because it's either stigmatized or not believed in at all. Far better to try to learn to cope and stick to people who just appreciate you for you. The right people won't have that hard of a time understanding you once they get to know you. A label is just that, a label. It explains nothing, and it doesn't identify you as a unique individual.

I've seen that the most with my five year old son. A lot of people won't take the time to get to know him, notice things like his melt downs and sometimes demanding behavior, and are highly critical of him. Then others seem perfectly capable of overlooking it and seeing how intelligent he is, how hard he tries to be well mannered, empathetic, and loving. He seems to have this built in radar for the right people, and will do things like give a random stranger a hug or strike up a conversation with them, only for me to find he picked just the right person to do that with. They don't have to know about his issues. They appreciate him for him.

 

[AspieDenmark]

Maybe someone else has had success with that route and can comment on it, but personally I've found it's easier to not mention it except on a need to know basis. Partially because it is so hard to explain, partially because it's either stigmatized or not believed in at all. Far better to try to learn to cope and stick to people who just appreciate you for you. The right people won't have that hard of a time understanding you once they get to know you. A label is just that, a label. It explains nothing, and it doesn't identify you as a unique individual.

I've seen that the most with my five year old son. A lot of people won't take the time to get to know him, notice things like his melt downs and sometimes demanding behavior, and are highly critical of him. Then others seem perfectly capable of overlooking it and seeing how intelligent he is, how hard he tries to be well mannered, empathetic, and loving. He seems to have this built in radar for the right people, and will do things like give a random stranger a hug or strike up a conversation with them, only for me to find he picked just the right person to do that with. They don't have to know about his issues. They appreciate him for him.

Thank you so much for the insight. I dont think most people will understand it because when people hear Autism, they think ''retarded'' so i might aswell just drop their contact if they ask too much

Anyways! you are a beautiful person and i wish the best luck for you and your amazing son. Keep strong.

 

[paulb]

Thank you so much for the insight. I dont think most people will understand it because when people hear Autism, they think ''retarded'' so i might aswell just drop their contact if they ask too much

Anyways! you are a beautiful person and i wish the best luck for you and your amazing son. Keep strong.

If your online friends sometimes misunderstand your comments it might be best for the time being not to mention the asperger to them especially if your having good conversations with them. Let them get to know you well enough so they realize that some of your 'off' comments are not meant to hurt anyone especially them. Talking online to strangers can be scary in many ways. Since it is hard for us aspie's to talk in person, the online experience for us is helpful for our health. Don't over analyze their comments either.
Eventually you can explain to them why you come up with unusual comments.
You live in a fun loving country, lucky you. Alexander

 

[Ste11aeres]

In my experience, life often gets a lot better after one leaves the teenage years behind.

 

[rollerskate]

In my experience, life often gets a lot better after one leaves the teenage years behind.

AMEN

 

[Tarragon]

I am 40 and newly diagnosed (officially through the doctor). I am exactly in the same boat as you in wondering whether to tell people or not. As my circle of friends is only 5, it's easier for me(!). These people have known me for a long time and have no problem with the way I am. I know it is difficult for you (been there, same sentiment) but I am really happy that you have the chance of many more years of knowledge about the way you think. I made so many bad decisions and choices because I was operating in the dark.

I really hope you stick around aspie central, and get to know the people here. It's a fantastic place to meet other people who understand what it's like. I've been here a while now, and it has helped me enormously

As for telling people or not, all I can say from my own experience is that while it may push some people away, it won't push others. And these are the people worth having around you anyway.

 

[Autism]

Hello my name is Aleksander and im 18 years old. I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome not many years ago and i feel like my life has been a hell since ive hit puberty.

Every day my brain has to work on overload because with asperger's syndrome your social skills are extremely terrible and all that overload everyday, the last couple of years has also lead me to a depression.

Almost every day i feel like killing myself because of Asperger's syndrome. My whole life is affected by it.

Everytime somebody says something that isnt in my interest, my brain will lock it up and i will keep the thought going for days. My psychiatrist also explained that Aspies has a problem with that, and they tend to lock thoughts up that has affected them.

I also have a terrible problem with forgive and forget. Its so hard to forgive people because if they called a ''normal'' person ugly, it will be 10 times hardere for a person with asperger's syndrome so really what normal people go through, will be 10 times hardere with asperger's syndrome.

Im really sorry for my terrible english but im begging for some guidance and tips for how you get through your day. Im really desperate because every day i feel like im sinking down a whole that is growing deeper and deeper.

Aleksander

You are at the threshold of a great future and I welcome you this group, newbie myself. I think the problem with an early diagnosis is the fact that you are being forced to live your life according to that diagnosis. That could hurt you more than do you good.

Try changing your perspective and look at every challenge a little differently.
For instance: your social skills are not terrible, you merely have a different set of social skills. Everything in our society is pre programmed and we are being told what it means to interact with others in "normal" ways. I for one resent these false labels, because we are being forced to interact positively with negative people. Einstein could easily identify that oxymoron.
What we are being told as normal social skills are actually not normal at all. We are being forced to greet people whose guts we hate, that supposedly is normal, nope it is abnormal.We are supposed to act against our instinct in order to be called normal.

Do you see where I am going with this? Whenever you notice that people will converse about interests that do not concern you try to get out of that situation right away, smile, don't even have to look at them and excuse yourself with an urgent matter that needs your attention: which is the truth: the urgent matter being that you need to guard your own mental health and that is it.

You are right, Aspies are much more prone having difficulties to digest the ugliness of other people, very tough to deal with indeed. Do not force yourself to forgive and forget, again that is supposedly something that we "have to do".
When that thought process strikes you just think: the only thing I have to do is pay taxes and die, leave it at that. You do not have to forgive and forget.

You are sinking into the hole, the muck of the traps of the NORMAL people when in fact it is the other way around. They love calling themselves normal and you abnormal, because it gives them instant victory. I find that most autistic people are far superior to any of those NORMAL people and they do not like it a bit.

Try to completely side steer these negative people and their negative influences.

Rejoice in yourself being an Aspie, be proud of the fact that you have many sets of skills these people could never acquire.

I am sure you are familiar with the plight of the Russian people, poor as dirt, having to fight for food for daily survival, forced to live in economy that treats everyone equal, however that equality exists only at a very low level, a level that any uneducated fool could easily attain.

That is exactly the same situation that autistic people are in, do you see the correlations? We are being forced to live in a society in which we are supposed to treat everyone equal, even if that means that we will be neglected, that our talents will be squashed.

True freedom lies within, and in the believe of our own talents. Do not let others squash your talents. You are on the autistic spectrum and that is a position that many people not only understand, but they are actually jealous of. I really mean it, as you grow up you will learn that more and more.

 

[epath13]

I'm in my 30s and it's still challenging. Now at least I finally realized that not all my symptoms were caused by Asperger's but some of them were caused by so-called complicated migraines, where symptoms can include from confusion and brain fog, to vertigo and hallucinations (plenty of different fun symptoms ) beside the point, what helped me tremendously early on is meditation and breathing techniques. I tried pretty much any technique that came along and picked the one that worked. Another thing: routine. No matter how much I might hate it sometimes, it is a life-saver. Meditation can help with the "stuck" brain, it teaches you to focus on one thing, while shaking all the emotions off (I call it getting into "the zone") and then just do your best from there. Another thing is: it's important to work though the anxiety of being certain type of person or doing things in a certain way. It's important to learn to accept yourself as you are each day. You might say, "it's hard", but in reality it's not hard or easy, it's just the way it is. You take on a challenge every day and you find your way through it. And one more thing, if a counselor is useless and gives you sh*t like, "it's normal behavior, thoughts, feelings for people on the spectrum" instead of offering solutions - scrap him or her, find another one.

 

[WWellen]

Thank you so much guys. You make me feel like im not alone in this and thats a big thing for me. Can you help me with something else? I got a couple of online friends and there is alot of times where they missunderstands me or i missunderstands them because of my AS but how do i explain to them that i have AS without them thinking im a maniac because they dont know what it is.

Aspergers and autism is something more and more people are aware of, I bet if you shared this privately with those you felt comfortable with they would probably tell you they know someone who is on the spectrum. I really believe true friends are quick to understand and won't think you are a maniac . It will probably help them understand why you say and do the things you do. Don't give up and if you can find a behavior group or social group led by a professional that can help you navigate the world of asperger syndrome! Don't give up!!

 

[gouldgrl]

Thank you so much guys. You make me feel like im not alone in this and thats a big thing for me. Can you help me with something else? I got a couple of online friends and there is alot of times where they missunderstands me or i missunderstands them because of my AS but how do i explain to them that i have AS without them thinking im a maniac because they dont know what it is.

One of the things I remind myself of on a regular basis is that misunderstandings happen--even when people don't have AS. So don't fall into the trap of thinking that every misunderstanding is necessarily your fault or the result of Asperger's. For this reason, I would advise against informing other people about your placement on the Autism Spectrum. It can end up being a default excuse for everything.