just got diagnosed with asperger syndrome and i don't know how to feel

[Hestetyven]

i have always struggled with social interaction and i always prefer to do things alone, however i could always manage to interact with other's and seem "normal." the last few months it got more tiresome to interact with others which affected several aspects of my life, and everytime i would make a mistake i would blame myself more which made it worse. I would push myself harder because i though that i only struggle because of my own shortcomings, and i needed to pull myself up by the bootstraps. Things got so bad that i ended up taking a break from school, even though i was close to finishing and getting ready for university. I then spent several months taking a program that helps with mental health while i waited for my opportunity to talk with a psychiatrist. Then i had several appointments and then psychiatrist talked with my family and came to the conclusion that i had asperger syndrome. There were suspicions when i was younger that i had a form of autism, but they did not dig deeper into it. Having only been diagnosed for a couple of days the diagnosis does not really feel real to me, i feel like i fooled the psychiatrist into giving me the daignoses so i had an excuse to why i had problems. So i would not have to acknowledge how much of a failure i am and instead blame it on something else. I don't know where to go from here, because i am not "normal", but i also don't feel like i fit in with aspergers syndrome, i am just kinda there. I don't really belong to any group, i think there is no place where i can fit in.

p.s. i am almost 21 years old. turning 21 this june

 

[tree]

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! It takes time for a diagnosis to settle in when one is expecting it, but to get it when one isn't necessarily looking may take a longer period to process. Of course, diagnoses are subjective, but perhaps when you're ready you might want to do some reading about the spectrum and others' experiences on it and that might help you get a better idea of how you wish to proceed - whether on your own, with various types of support (professional, informal, and peer) etc.

 

[Outdated]

Hi and welcome to the forums. Most of us don't ever really know "how we feel" until well after the event has passed and we have had time to process it properly, that's a common trait with autistic people.

As for who you are now, that's exactly the same as who you were yesterday. Who you might be in the future is entirely up to you. Read some of our stories and feel free to question or contribute, talking to people here is the best way to learn what you need to know.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Labels do not mean that much you are still you, so just keep being you.

 

[The Pandector]

I can recommend feeling relieved. I spent an entire lifetime wondering and worrying what the heck was wrong with me. Never ever ever was at peace with myself, angry at myself for being too stupid to figure it out. Which was more turmoil because it was often pretty clear that I was ‘smarter’ than others, so I couldn’t help but believe that many of my problems were at least partially due to other people’s issues.

Now, I have no doubt that many of my problems are partially due to the people around me. I wasn’t smart enough to figure it out because it’s not something you arrive at by simple introspection. No reason to flog myself; I was born this way. And yes, in many ways I am demonstrably smarter than most others.

I still fret and worry about life, still have trouble getting through it. But I am relieved to know that there is nothing I can do about being autistic; I no longer need to fix myself. That removes a huge burden of guilt and lets me just concentrate on getting through the day.

I recommend a huge sigh of relief before going after life armed with this critical information.

 

[Shamar]

I can tell you from personal experience that getting diagnosed (especially unexpectedly) is a bit of a shock. Spend a few days adjusting yourself, getting used to the idea, and learning about autism. As others have said (and more will), getting an autism diagnosis does not change who you are. What it does is give you an explanation for your life, answer some (many) questions, and gives you perspective. You no longer have to mask and pretend to be normal. Most here will agree that is draining to maintain. This may explain why interacting was getting tiresome, you just hit you limit. You have found a home here with many people who have gone through (or are going through) the same thing you are. You WILL have problems along the way. Learn from our experience and wisdom (or lack thereof). Relax and enjoy your new look at life.

 

[Alexej]

HI and Welcome to the Forums
There are some scandinavians in here so you are welcome @Hestetyven (= horse thief)

 

[asuna1268990]

i have always struggled with social interaction and i always prefer to do things alone, however i could always manage to interact with other's and seem "normal." the last few months it got more tiresome to interact with others which affected several aspects of my life, and everytime i would make a mistake i would blame myself more which made it worse. I would push myself harder because i though that i only struggle because of my own shortcomings, and i needed to pull myself up by the bootstraps. Things got so bad that i ended up taking a break from school, even though i was close to finishing and getting ready for university. I then spent several months taking a program that helps with mental health while i waited for my opportunity to talk with a psychiatrist. Then i had several appointments and then psychiatrist talked with my family and came to the conclusion that i had asperger syndrome. There were suspicions when i was younger that i had a form of autism, but they did not dig deeper into it. Having only been diagnosed for a couple of days the diagnosis does not really feel real to me, i feel like i fooled the psychiatrist into giving me the daignoses so i had an excuse to why i had problems. So i would not have to acknowledge how much of a failure i am and instead blame it on something else. I don't know where to go from here, because i am not "normal", but i also don't feel like i fit in with aspergers syndrome, i am just kinda there. I don't really belong to any group, i think there is no place where i can fit in.

p.s. i am almost 21 years old. turning 21 this june

hi nice to meet you i have it too so i am here to lend an ear.

 

[Xinyta]

i have always struggled with social interaction and i always prefer to do things alone, however i could always manage to interact with other's and seem "normal." the last few months it got more tiresome to interact with others which affected several aspects of my life, and everytime i would make a mistake i would blame myself more which made it worse. I would push myself harder because i though that i only struggle because of my own shortcomings, and i needed to pull myself up by the bootstraps. Things got so bad that i ended up taking a break from school, even though i was close to finishing and getting ready for university. I then spent several months taking a program that helps with mental health while i waited for my opportunity to talk with a psychiatrist. Then i had several appointments and then psychiatrist talked with my family and came to the conclusion that i had asperger syndrome. There were suspicions when i was younger that i had a form of autism, but they did not dig deeper into it. Having only been diagnosed for a couple of days the diagnosis does not really feel real to me, i feel like i fooled the psychiatrist into giving me the daignoses so i had an excuse to why i had problems. So i would not have to acknowledge how much of a failure i am and instead blame it on something else. I don't know where to go from here, because i am not "normal", but i also don't feel like i fit in with aspergers syndrome, i am just kinda there. I don't really belong to any group, i think there is no place where i can fit in.

p.s. i am almost 21 years old. turning 21 this june

Hey there, Hestetyven~

I know how it feels to mess up and blame yourself. I have struggled with it my whole life so far. But something you have come to terms with as a person is that nothing that makes you what you are is defective or not normal. You are you. Accept yourself, but also address any psychological components that can come to a head as a result.

However, do not discount yourself as someone doomed to be without people in your life that can understand you. Coming here is one positive step to finding where you fit. And I'm sure you'll find plenty of answers.

 

[asuna1268990]

well if you need someone to talk to then i will be more than to listen.

 

[asuna1268990]

i mean more than happy.