Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral
That assholes exist in real life conditions and you need to deal with them is a given. Blaming their targets for "not integrating well into a group setting" is still backwards.Not backward- just practical. You'll find those AHs everywhere you go- or work for.
Sad but true. Another lesson about real life conditions in the so-called adult world.
Sadly that is what happens, not the blame part but the "This person doesnt integrate well" part.
It’s difficult to give advice for this when a lot of the context is missing. However, ive worked in a few difficult groups during university and yeah....ridiculous and awkward, AND stressful and upsetting depending on the situation.There is a person in one of the group projects i have to work that has been, lets call it toxic, to me. Should I personally confront this person or make a formal complaint about this person?
And just saw you posted this whilst I had the window open whilst typing but had to step away to do something else that took some time. That’s good!I talked about it with my mentor. He said i was going to be placed in a diffirent group and they are going to talk with the student so he will leave me alone in general.
The one thing is the minute you complain about this stuff, you are labeled troublemaker. So l have learned to pick my battles wisely.
This is definitely a risk, but often it's a manageable risk. However it is necessary to learn some communication techniques.The one thing is the minute you complain about this stuff, you are labeled troublemaker. So l have learned to pick my battles wisely.
Agreed. Went through a season being person B. Much like you've proposed, my hubby--who has great communication skills--helped me put in a feedback loop at 2. Anytime person A gets to 3, I just repeat 2. The key is (depending on the aggressiveness of person A), it's got to both acknowledge the person's request and refuse the request:This is definitely a risk, but often it's a manageable risk. However it is necessary to learn some communication techniques.
OP's topic is resolved, so I'll use a slightly different example: the reason "No is a complete sentence" has become a popular saying.
Here's a fairly common sequence:
1. Person A: Please do X for me
2. Person B: I'm sorry: I have something else to do at the time
3. Person A (overstepping): What do you have to do? Can you reschedule it?
4. Person B (unwisely telling the whole truth): I plan to do Y. I suppose I could defer it
--Person A then starts a "DARVO-style" cycle, trying to "prove" that any civilized person would set aside their own objectives so help them with X.
The correct technique is never to provide information about your alternate activity, regardless of whether it's something vitally important, or just sitting at home watching cartoons with your cat. This is a situation where psycho-style "trickle-truth" works for the good guys
(2) should be something like "Sorry, that doesn't work for me". (Not even "I'm busy").
If pushed by A, B says it's personal or private or something similar that definitely closes out any pseudo-polite questioning like (3).
Now B has the "moral high ground" - i.e. if A continues, B has the right to criticize A. And they will have prepared a response: for example, just repeating "it's private" with a little more emphasis (private) has a good chance of shutting down anyone but an actual psycho.
You can also go with things like "No means no", or "No is a complete sentence", but those two are more likely to lead to an escalation.