Is this stalking

[Freesunglasses]

I was introduced to a guy a few years ago, he added me on facebook then started private messaging me a lot. I told mutual friend it was getting a bit annoying and she said he has autism, so I was a lot more understanding then.
He's lives with a friend, has a very good job ,is fully independent.

Over the years he still messaged me. He wished me happy valentine's Day, if I put any photos on facebook he'd private message telling me I was looking good with a I was a bit I also run so he started turning up at any runs I was doing, I told him it was making me uncomfortable so he stopped. he started running too (he still does)

He would message me up to three times a day to say morning, how are you, good night. As you can imagine it was getting too much so I told him I had a boyfriend in the hope it would stop, if anything it got worse. So I told him straight he was messaging me too much and could we keep it to one or two times a week he said "that's a shame I like our chats about running"

He then managed four day without messaging me, it came to head a few weeks back when he asked me if I'd run that day (I run everyday and he knows it) so I ignored him, he messaged me the morning after to ask if I'd run yesterday I said yes, why? He said he was, making ' mutual conversation' I told him I run everyday and all are pretty much the same (bit stroppy I know but also getting fed up. He said he was sorry if he'd offended me. 5 mins later new message 'have a nice day' three hours later ' he told me he'd just Been tos a show and gave me a review.

He's also rung my mobile and turned up at my house a few times uninvited.

I'm afraid I've now blocked him, it was getting too much. The constant messages.
I would happily have kept in touch if it wasn't for that. I do feel a bit bad though.

Is this his autism or is he a bit obsessed with me? Have I done the right thing. I hate to think I'd upset him.

I guess I just need help understanding of his behaviour is down to his autism or verging on stalking?

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome @Freesunglasses .

I can only guess what is going through his mind.

When a male NT seeks to win the affection of a woman, sooner or later, he recognizes when it isn't going anywhere and moves on to his next hopeful relationship.

Watching male NT strategies, we autistics think that we are doing the same thing (when we are not). Often, we are blind to the negative feedback and don't realize that we need to break off from our current pursuit.

It becomes striving.

She becomes uncomfortable because he hasn't received her "clear" message.

He becomes frustrated because he has done all of the "right" moves and, still, his affection has not been reciprocated.

I don't know what the "fix" is in your case (apart from shutting him down in no uncertain terms), but, in my case, it was about stopping all active pursuits and letting relationships blossom naturally, as they did with my male friendships.

 

[SusanLR]

I would do the same, if I didn't have a reciprocal interest in a very close connection with this guy.

Constant messages and the things he is doing, personally I wouldn't call stalking, but it is the type
of thing you want to do with someone you have very deep feelings for.
Wanting to speak with and share everything with all the time.
If you don't feel the same, he has to be told and if that doesn't work, stop contact.

Makes me think of a guy I was seeing and thought of as a friend. Like interests and enjoyed talking
and doing same things. No problem. But, it wasn't long before he started in on us getting married
every time we were together. I had no interest in marriage. Only friends.
And I had told him that. But he kept talking about it every time we met.
In a final warning I told him if he brought that subject up one more time I would not see him anymore.
He promised he wouldn't say it again. Next time I saw him, guess what?
Yep. Back on the marriage thing and how he just couldn't understand how I felt.
It was Goodbye, Gary.

 

[Catana]

Yes, he's stalking you. People can call it whatever they want, and make any number of excuses for him, but it's stalking. If you are replying to him at all, then you are partly responsible for it continuing. Block him, ignore him, and if necessary, get a restraining order against him.

 

[onlything]

As said above, block and ignore him. If he forces you to say why, be direct about you not wanting for this behaviour to continue. Don't make it too soft or subtle. He won't understand unless it's straightforward. If he continues, take it to the police.

Under no circumstances force yourself to do something that makes you (even more) uncomfortable.

 

[Freesunglasses]

Ok and thanks for the replies. If he is stalking me do you think he's doing it on purpose or has he no idea that the constant messaging isn't appreciated or wanted? Or does he in his mind believe he's a really good friend?
I know you don't know him but I'm trying to get an idea of what he's thinking as an autistic person

 

[Crossbreed]

If he is stalking me do you think he's doing it on purpose or has he no idea that the constant messaging isn't appreciated or wanted?

Most likely, the latter. (He is probably thinking that the more often that you let him be around you, that you will soften toward him eventually.)

 

[Crossbreed]

Question for the ladies on this thread: do women still play "hard to get" these days, or is that not a thing, anymore...?

 

[Gracey]

@Crossbreed,

I can't remember a time where it was a thing.
Has it been a thing? (genuine curiosity)
Think I must have let that pass me by
so I wasn't supposed to say
"have that man scrubbed and sent to my tent" then?

 

[Bolletje]

@Crossbreed I definitely never played that game, but I know plenty of women who did.

 

[onlything]

Question for the ladies on this thread: do women still play "hard to get" these days, or is that not a thing, anymore...?

Many women do, even up to the point where they put up 'rules' towards how often you can write back to the guy... Still, it seems to pass with age at times from what I observed.

In my opinion, it's a waste of time.