Is This Inappropriate?

[InfinityRose]

So, in my bio lab class, there is a guy, as well as a couple of other girls. When we did our most recent lab about a week ago, we had a google doc that we were all able to type on, as well as a group text so we could ask each other questions. While we were working, the guy kept calling me names like "darling," and "dear." He also would make comments on the google doc when I wasn't typing up my answers fast enough, and referred to another girl in our group as a "very rude girl."

He has been doing stuff similar to this, including making up a fake identity, since the beginning of the semester. I was a little uncomfortable, but just mostly brushed it off and thought that he was just like that. When a relative of mine accidentally saw one of his texts, she thought it was strange, but seemed mostly amused by it and called him a "jokester". However, the girls in my lab group were offended and I overheard them saying that they took screenshots of the messages and were planning to show the teacher.

So I guess what I want to know is, is this okay? Is he just kidding around, or are the girls in my lab group right and this is something that should be taken seriously?

 

[Gritches]

Yeah, he's not kidding. Take this seriously. Be concerned. Just from that brief description I'm getting a very dangerous vibe from this guy I've never met. Especially with the making up a fake identity part. That's what psychopaths do.

 

[Ambi]

So, in my bio lab class, there is a guy, as well as a couple of other girls. When we did our most recent lab about a week ago, we had a google doc that we were all able to type on, as well as a group text so we could ask each other questions. While we were working, the guy kept calling me names like "darling," and "dear." He also would make comments on the google doc when I wasn't typing up my answers fast enough, and referred to another girl in our group as a "very rude girl."

He has been doing stuff similar to this, including making up a fake identity, since the beginning of the semester. I was a little uncomfortable, but just mostly brushed it off and thought that he was just like that. When a relative of mine accidentally saw one of his texts, she thought it was strange, but seemed mostly amused by it and called him a "jokester". However, the girls in my lab group were offended and I overheard them saying that they took screenshots of the messages and were planning to show the teacher.

So I guess what I want to know is, is this okay? Is he just kidding around, or are the girls in my lab group right and this is something that should be taken seriously?

He may be kidding around from his perspective, but that does not make it okay - he is making other people uncomfortable and he needs to stop. It's not just about what he thinks he's doing or what he is intending. Simply the fact that he doesn't perceive and/or respect other people's boundaries around his "humor" or whatever it is means he needs an attitude adjustment.

 

[Suzanne]

Yes, inappropriate!

I can guess how you must feel, because it is easy to question ourselves, as we do not wish to cause trouble, but it is HIM who is causing the trouble and so listen to yourselves, that he is dangerous.

He could well be a jokster, but that does not make it right!

 

[xudo]

Him calling you things like 'darling' and 'dear' could just be the way he is. There's a guy who works with my husband who we're both friendly with who calls all women 'babe' because he's from the valleys and it's a normal thing to do, so it doesn't bother me.

However, when I got to the part of your post about him making fake profiles..that made me wary. I think that especially as the other females in the group are also uncomfortable with his behaviour, I would give him a wide berth where possible. If they think they should show the teacher the screen shots they've taken then I would wait and see what the teacher thinks.

 

[pjcnet]

It's difficult to say what his intentions are based on only a small amount of information, but even if he is just joking, he needs to understand that purposely doing things like this makes other people feel uncomfortable and this is therefore still very wrong. In other words he needs to be at least reprimanded and it's therefore best if the teacher knows about it, it's better that he learns this lesson now than in later life (E.g. in the workplace where it worst he could lose his job and damage his career, he could even end up arrested if it went too far), also there is obviously a risk that all this isn't just a joke to him which makes it even more important to get him dealt with by the appropriate staff who should take something like this seriously.

 

[InfinityRose]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I think I should specify on the fake identity bit. What he did was add a fake name onto our lab report that were were working on, along with his real name, and would act like he didn't know what we were talking about when asked about the fake identity or who the mystery person was.

When we all exchanged numbers at the beginning of the semester, he put the same fake name that he used in our lab report into my phone, and that's how I knew what was going on. He didn't make a fake profile or anything, and I assume he just did it as a joke, but yeah, it is a little weird.

 

[Chance]

He might be joking around to just try and fit in... but even so, over time you should see a sincere side of him in some of it... If not he might be a little out there? The weird fake ID thing in a setting that might be more important, thats iffy maybe also.

Maybe just gently call him on some of its if he doesn't let up... If you are uncomfortable than you should have every right to try and make it right for you to move on through class and not have to worry over it.

Maybe say, I have a name and its not "darling" or something like that...

I sometimes call people "sweets" its always just when I notice they are nice, or they are sad or something.
It has nothing to do with anything weird, but maybe that might come off as weird too? I never know either...
I never know what to say (speak), so most the time I don't....

This lady at work always calls me "Hun," but I never think anything about it. At least she isn't calling me a bad name... It's her getting too close and touching me (hand on shoulder or necK), that bugs me bad. I try and not be a freak and tolerate it till I can come up with a fast excuse to make an exit. No touchy feely and no getting in my space (which seems to be larger than some other peoples space)...

Words not such a big deal, but I'm a clueless guy... So yeah I have no idea basically... and I just made it more than obvious more than likely. : )

 

[Bella Pines]

It's difficult to say based on the information. But 'kidding around' is never an excuse and it's always okay to consult the teacher or a responsible adult. If he does get into trouble, then that might be the best thing for him, maybe he has a bad influence in his life and is on a bad path. Better that this happens in a controlled environment rather than a workplace later in life.

 

[InfinityRose]

I assume that the other girls probably showed the screenshots to the teacher by now, but they haven't told me anything about it, and I haven't received any emails or been talked to by the teacher to confirm anything. I guess my hope is that he doesn't get angry from the fact that he was told on, and that this won't make our labs awkward for the rest of the semester. I don't get the feeling that he's dangerous per se, but probably a bit blind or simply uncaring of how his actions can affect others. I suppose I'll just wait and see what happens, while avoiding him as much as I can without being rude.

 

[CyborgSpaceKitten]

Yeah, it sounds like he is serious to me. I would definitely say something to the teacher. That is not appropriate behavior.