Is this age appropriate discipline.

[Madegg]

My son is Aspy. He seems really normal but he is on the spectrum. He gets weekly ABA therapy. He is 15 years old. His main therapist will give him a task (put all your materials away after he does his homework) and if it is not done correctly will ask him to do complete the task without telling him what is wrong. This frustrates my son. He will walk away from the task. This upsets the therapist who will give him a consequence. Well it escalated to him going to watch TV and her forcing the remote out of his hand. He want downstairs to the toy room and played with his Pokémon cards. She and a male therapist followed him down. While he was sitting on the floor the male therapist went through a second door behind him to pick him up. He grabbed him under the arms and squeezed to force him up. My son said it both hurt and tickled. He then was upset and decided to go to his room. Do you see the behavior where he is looking to calm himself and wants a social out? His mother is sitting on the steps and as he carefully tries to get past her. Both therapist grab him. They either pull him down or he goes limp and he falls on the male therapist. At which point he walks in another room to back kick a hole in a wall. He the. Goes to his room and has a meltdown. He asks them to leave his house. They stay and at one point the female therapist enters his room. He uses a walking stick to guide her out of his room after asking her to leave.
Let me say. I know that he was not abused. I just think that the behavior of their therapist are not age approruate for a 15 year old. I also understand that he should have not lost control. He should have used his words to say he needed to calm
Down and he should have not used the walking stick.
I am divorced from his mother. She thinks the therapist are right in how they handle him and that he is a liar and manipulating. I want a no touch policy and that I can observe therapy. My ex and the therapist say no.
Any thoughts? Am I taking this too far.

 

[Katleya]

Welcome!
I'm sure you'll find a lot of support and information here.

I don't know much about ABA therapy, so please take my opinion with a grain of salt.

As an Aspie, I would be as frustrated as your son if I were told to complete a task, but not told where I messed up. How can I fix it if I don't understand what is wrong? And the need for understanding what is expected of me and how things work will take over a lot of things.
The therapists' behavior, as you've described it, seemed aggressive, and I'll be honest: it made me very uncomfortable, I was trying to picture myself in that situation, & got this feeling of people nagging me and chasing me, which can ONLY ever result in a violent meltdown. Maybe that's just me, but it feels like the way they handled it was actually pushing his buttons rather than calming things down. He shouldn't have lost control, I agree with you, but it sounds like he was put in a state where he wouldn't have been able to control himself no matter how hard he wanted to. And that, in itself, can make for even more frustration and overwhelming emotions, adding on to the pressure he's already feeling. And being touched on top of all of that? Oh, boy...

I find the therapists' approach abusive. Your take, to ask to be present and for a no-touch policy to be put in place seem like excellent ideas. I don't know if they are compatible with ABA, but no, you are not taking it too far. You seem like your son's best support, and someone who cares about his wellbeing. That's the best attitude for good results. I hope you get your way

 

[FreeDiver]

As an Aspie, I would be as frustrated as your son if I were told to complete a task, but not told where I messed up. How can I fix it if I don't understand what is wrong?

I agree with this one. Being told that somethings wrong and not being told what it is, especially when asking for more detailed information about it, just makes me feel like they're manipulating me.

 

[kay]

It was unsettling to read about your son's therapy. Doesn't sound right to me at all. Sorry he and you are going through such a mess.

 

[Mr Allen]

The Therapist is only telling half the story to your Aspie son, us Aspies tend to need to be "programmed" to as we know how to complete a task and what needs to be put where etc.

I know I did when I was a lad, and still do sometimes.

 

[As sweet as-pie]

ABA therapy has been proven to cause PTSD and other mental health issues. I really wouldn't recommend it for any autistic child, especially at his age. She shouldn't be treating him that way.

 

[pjcnet]

I wouldn't listen to everything these highly paid therapists say, they can often be overrated and the same techniques that might work for one person may not work well for another. Your son is unique, but you know him better than anyone else including any therapist and your judgement will most likely be a lot better, plus what you say and do will most likely have a greater impact on him as no matter how he acts, deep down he will love you even if he'll never admit it. Trust your instincts and give yourself some credit.

 

[the_tortoise]

They need to give him clear instructions. They are starting this mess by effectively imposing punishment for not understanding vague instruction .... that's unacceptable.

It's also massively hypocritical to expect him to clearly state what he wants (space to calm down -- and what reason does he have to even believe they would give it if he asked?) when they refuse to do the exact same thing. It all sounds like power-tripping BS.

 

[Suzanne]

In truth, that makes me physically sick! It is not appropriate for any child or teen; it is aggressive and completely unecessary and also, causes what they believe to be a fact ie that he is manipulative etc.

Since you are his father, you have absolute right to "put your foot down" and demand it to stop.

What your son needs is love and understanding.

 

[SusanLR]

I don't know anything about ABA either, but I know how
what you've described would make me feel.
Trying to force a behaviour through agressive actions?
From what I can see in human behaviour this usually
results in one of two reactions depending on the personality.
It can make the person feel low self esteem.
That they can't do anything right and lead to being a
submissive or just the opposite and the anger and fight
urge will dominate.

I know from being an Aspie, that type of discipline
would not have resulted in a good way with me.
We need to understand. Getting through in a calm,
neutral and logical talk is what worked for me.

 

[Progster]

I'm against ABA therapy because it is open to abuse and can be traumatizing. I would hate to have to go through that, I would certainly find it traumatizing and I think it does more damage than harm.

 

[Starfire]

That sounds really awful! I'm not surprised your son kicked a hole in the wall, if it was my Aspie daughter she would be kicking a hole in the 'therapist' and her protection. So they give him a task which is poorly explained, he doesn't get it and is punished for that? Then they follow him around his home getting physical with him for trying to disengage with a process which makes no sense, and again punish him for trying to calm himself in a stressful and threatening situation. He retreats to the safety of his room where they again follow him and get physical and is it any wonder he becomes upset and lashes out! I think your son is very controlled under the circumstances. If what you described happened to my daughter, she would have gone berserk, and it would have taken days to begin to build up trust and cooperation again, just in time for the next session! You have to do what you think is best, but for me ABA is like trying to force a cat to be a dog, I would never subject my child to it. I think acceptance, encouragement, education and example are a better way to proceed. I wouldn't stand by and subject my daughter to what you described, it sounds like cruel and unusual punishment to me which would have long lasting negative consequences.

 

[VioletHaze_03]

What you described sounds like a nightmare! As a teenager on the spectrum, i would have acted the same way. If someone expected me to know what i had done wrong without explaining it, i can guarentee i would have had a meltdown. A no touch policy sounds like a good idea. When you are dealing with an autistic teenager, sometimes doing things like tapping thier shoulder or picking them up can be painful, and may provoke a meltdown. If the teenager is overwhelmed, the therapists need to either give the boy some space to calm down, or end the session early if it escalates to a point of emotional chaos. He was completely justified in losing control, and not being able to communicate. A meltdown is a bit like going unconcious and then somehow watching yourself go unconcious from a thick pane of glass: you have no control, you cannot say anything, and you can only return to a calm state when you recover. No one can be expected to be communicative and compliant in this state. Reading about the episode you described helped me understand why certain types of ABA cause people on the spectrum to develop conditions like ptsd.I would suggest you try to intervene in any way you can, it does not sound like your son is not getting the help he needs. the therapy you described sounds more traumatizing than helpful.

 

[Joel's Hear]

They're torturous to your son and your ex approves of this. Sorry about that. I don't know what you can do, though, because this sort of "therapy" is currently called beneficial.

I would stay close to your son as much as possible, explaining to him how much you believe this is wrong. The world will change one day and hopefully he comes out without too much permanent damage.

 

[tducey]

Punishment seems a bit harsh to me. Hoping you get things figured out here.

 

[Brony714]

In truth, that makes me physically sick! It is not appropriate for any child or teen; it is aggressive and completely unecessary and also, causes what they believe to be a fact ie that he is manipulative etc.

Since you are his father, you have absolute right to "put your foot down" and demand it to stop.

What your son needs is love and understanding.

Sounds like this wouldn't be appropriate for adults, either... I'm almost 50,and if someone told me "do it again, and do it right," without telling me what I did wrong, I would get frustrated to the point of meltdown... sounds like abuse to me..

 

[ksheehan88]

Wow... no, just no. Picking him up and forcing him to re-do something without explaining? And then punishing him for it? It would've sent me into meltdown now and I'm almost 30 years old.

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

It sounds as though your son forgot something - either left something out, such as a pencil, or forgot there had been a change in the rules or that a new task had been added - for example, he remembered to pack everything back into his bag ready for the next day, but forgot he was now expected to put his bag in the hall under his coat. As far as he was concerned, the job was done, end of. A verbal prompt would probably have done the trick. Failing that, a full reminder of what he'd forgotten to do would suffice.

 

[Buzzerfly]

Sounds abusive to me. Seems like the therapists also have a whole lot of mental domination and hidden anger going on. Don't like to read this...very upsetting. Can you set up a home your son can visit peacefully by his own volition when he's a legal adult?

 

[megacomic]

It sounds like your son's therapist has a bit of an ego. It's pretty common for people in clinical professions to believe they understand their clients better than the clients understands themselves. There is a thin line between ABA therapy and obedience school and sometimes therapist can cross a line and start treating their kids like wild animals that need to be domesticated. ABA therapy has me believe that if some parents could put an obedience chip in their autistic kid's brain they would.