Is she sabotaging our relationship ?

[Gerald Wilgus]

I feel like I might be coming here a bit late, but after reading some stuff I want to share my experiences.

I did act similar to that woman when I was younger. I was a flirty type though I did not realise that flirting was what I was doing. But with guys I really liked, well, feelings overwhelmed me, and they still do. All my insecurities and fears come out and shout hello once I feel strongly attracted to someone.

So when I was younger I would sleep with guys that wanted to and I that I did not feel disgusted by, though sometimes I would even do that, but I would never sleep with the ones I felt attraction or softness or care or even love towards. Being close to or being tenderly touched by or being loved by a man I had feelings for or allowing an emotional connection or being tender to that man or being vulnerable was not possible for me.

So I feel like Tom might interpret her correctly, but even if he does....she is not in a state in which he could help her or get a fullfilling relationship out of the situation.

I f you want her in your life, stay friends, and that means no judging just supporting.

"Being Vulnerable" is the key, @PinkPhilodendron. Being a late virgin my sense of protecting my vulnerability did that to me, until I started maturing socially, so I probably wasn't ready for sex. Only when I felt confident to be vulnerable to her was I ready, and I amazed myself with the depth of the attachment, making my love for her, physical.

In your closing I would paraphrase, because I have felt this way towards my spouse; "You may not have been her first, but what you seek is to be the last lover she wants."