Lena_131309
Active Member
Dear All,
I would appreciate your feedback on the below situation.
I have a very good friend, who I am really close with. We know each other since years and our children (both 6 years old) were basically raised up together. I suspect and have suspected for a long time already, that her son is on spectrum, however, when I tried (once) to approach her and talk about that, she was immediately shutting down the discussion and being extremely angry at me, asking what made me think that I can diagnose her child.
The reason why I tried to talk to her was, that the behaviour of her son has stronger and stronger, and unfortunately negative, impact on my daughter. He has speech delay (which, due to the fact, that he is raised up in bilingual environment, was treated as normal to some extent by his parents), he was using few single words until he was 4, and currently he is using very simple sentences (few words each) and usually when replying to simple questions only ( “Do you want to do that or that”, “Do you want to eat something”). He is usually never coming first and initiating the conversation, explaining us what he did or what he saw. When he sees trains he is always raising up his voice and screaming “Mama, look, train!”. When I am alone with him, I have sometimes the impression that he doesn’t understand what I ask him for, even though he has pretty good eye contact. My daughter does not really understand why he “doesn’t” want to talk to her, even though I try to explain her that he likes her very much but is just not as talkative as she is.
He is often pretending that he is a plane or a car and when we walk outside he is running with his hands up and making noises of the machines he is currently pretending to be. When we are in a restaurant or any other public place, he is always having his busses/trains/cars with him and loudly playing with them, making constant noises and "driving" them on our and other people's tables.
When we meet outside he is always racing with my daughter (getting very frustrated when she is driving her scooter faster than him and screaming very loud at her “stop! wait”). Few times it happened that he was driving his scooter over the red light, just to be in front of her, which freaked me (and his mum) out. She took his scooter away and explained him that he cannot do that, but this just helped for a limited time only.
Recently, I am simply avoiding going out with them, differently than just walking. That doesn’t help too much, as recently he started running for most of the time, just to be in front of my daughter (and other kids). In order to avoid that, his mum has to hold his hand all the time, and whenever she does that, he gets frustrated and tries to avoid that in any possible way.
Whenever we are waiting for something (e.g. ice creams) he is not respecting the queue and pushes himself in front of other kids (what is usually commented by his mum as “he will always find his way if he wants something”, so obviously as nothing negative). When the kids play in a public playground, he is getting frustrated whenever someone is on a slide in front of him or using the public toys/equipment that he usually plays with (e.g. water fountain or digger).
If we are travelling somewhere by public transport he always wants to sit next to the window, and if the train/bus is packed, he is immediately crying and forcing people to empty "his" place. He does not really pay attention if we are close to him, as long as he can sit at "his" place, we could be even at the other side of the train. Once, his mum wanted to check if he would react, if he would lose her from his sight, and there was actually no reaction of him. He was playing alone (in a public playground) for at least 10 minutes, and only then realising that she was not next to him.
Whenever we (with more kids) play in any game that requires competition (e.g. searching for the Halloween sweets in the apartment), he starts to get frustrated immediately and cries, whenever any other kid is finding sweets before (or more than) him. When the kids have one-to-one play date, he is usually playing with his trains and my daughter tries to follow him, just to get involved in the game. However, recently, she is refusing to meet with him as she prefers to meet with her other friends (mostly girls) that she can interact more easily.
His mum was going to few places in order to understand what is the reason of his “differences”, but she told me that he was not diagnosed with autism/Asperger, and the only help that was recommended for him was speech support classes and some motility development classes ("neuro-therapy", she explained me that he is mostly playing there, learning coordination, being on a swing etc.). He is attending regular preschool and other than the teacher reporting that he is very easily frustrated, there was nothing concerning detected as far as I know. The only situation his mum told me about was that his teacher approached her, as there were few mums complaining that he was chasing their kids, which was fine at some point, as they played like that, but when the kids asked him to stop multiple times, he was still forcing the play, thinking they are joking and want to continue. His mum said that for her it was normal behaviour, as he was “just so much in the game that it was obviously normal that he didn’t want to stop it”.
I need to point out also, that he is very lovely and cuddly boy, and I would really like for both of them (kids) and us, mums, to enjoy the time spend together. But it is getting more and more difficult, and it is more and more difficult for me to pretend that "everything is fine", especially if his behaviour upsets and makes my daughter cry...Does his behaviour seems familiar to you? Am I really overreacting and trying to “diagnose” him or am I right with my concerns? How can I address that to find a good solution for all of us, as, I am afraid, otherwise I will be “forced” to limit out contact to some extent. And I would really like to avoid that.
Thank you very much in advance for your help.
I would appreciate your feedback on the below situation.
I have a very good friend, who I am really close with. We know each other since years and our children (both 6 years old) were basically raised up together. I suspect and have suspected for a long time already, that her son is on spectrum, however, when I tried (once) to approach her and talk about that, she was immediately shutting down the discussion and being extremely angry at me, asking what made me think that I can diagnose her child.
The reason why I tried to talk to her was, that the behaviour of her son has stronger and stronger, and unfortunately negative, impact on my daughter. He has speech delay (which, due to the fact, that he is raised up in bilingual environment, was treated as normal to some extent by his parents), he was using few single words until he was 4, and currently he is using very simple sentences (few words each) and usually when replying to simple questions only ( “Do you want to do that or that”, “Do you want to eat something”). He is usually never coming first and initiating the conversation, explaining us what he did or what he saw. When he sees trains he is always raising up his voice and screaming “Mama, look, train!”. When I am alone with him, I have sometimes the impression that he doesn’t understand what I ask him for, even though he has pretty good eye contact. My daughter does not really understand why he “doesn’t” want to talk to her, even though I try to explain her that he likes her very much but is just not as talkative as she is.
He is often pretending that he is a plane or a car and when we walk outside he is running with his hands up and making noises of the machines he is currently pretending to be. When we are in a restaurant or any other public place, he is always having his busses/trains/cars with him and loudly playing with them, making constant noises and "driving" them on our and other people's tables.
When we meet outside he is always racing with my daughter (getting very frustrated when she is driving her scooter faster than him and screaming very loud at her “stop! wait”). Few times it happened that he was driving his scooter over the red light, just to be in front of her, which freaked me (and his mum) out. She took his scooter away and explained him that he cannot do that, but this just helped for a limited time only.
Recently, I am simply avoiding going out with them, differently than just walking. That doesn’t help too much, as recently he started running for most of the time, just to be in front of my daughter (and other kids). In order to avoid that, his mum has to hold his hand all the time, and whenever she does that, he gets frustrated and tries to avoid that in any possible way.
Whenever we are waiting for something (e.g. ice creams) he is not respecting the queue and pushes himself in front of other kids (what is usually commented by his mum as “he will always find his way if he wants something”, so obviously as nothing negative). When the kids play in a public playground, he is getting frustrated whenever someone is on a slide in front of him or using the public toys/equipment that he usually plays with (e.g. water fountain or digger).
If we are travelling somewhere by public transport he always wants to sit next to the window, and if the train/bus is packed, he is immediately crying and forcing people to empty "his" place. He does not really pay attention if we are close to him, as long as he can sit at "his" place, we could be even at the other side of the train. Once, his mum wanted to check if he would react, if he would lose her from his sight, and there was actually no reaction of him. He was playing alone (in a public playground) for at least 10 minutes, and only then realising that she was not next to him.
Whenever we (with more kids) play in any game that requires competition (e.g. searching for the Halloween sweets in the apartment), he starts to get frustrated immediately and cries, whenever any other kid is finding sweets before (or more than) him. When the kids have one-to-one play date, he is usually playing with his trains and my daughter tries to follow him, just to get involved in the game. However, recently, she is refusing to meet with him as she prefers to meet with her other friends (mostly girls) that she can interact more easily.
His mum was going to few places in order to understand what is the reason of his “differences”, but she told me that he was not diagnosed with autism/Asperger, and the only help that was recommended for him was speech support classes and some motility development classes ("neuro-therapy", she explained me that he is mostly playing there, learning coordination, being on a swing etc.). He is attending regular preschool and other than the teacher reporting that he is very easily frustrated, there was nothing concerning detected as far as I know. The only situation his mum told me about was that his teacher approached her, as there were few mums complaining that he was chasing their kids, which was fine at some point, as they played like that, but when the kids asked him to stop multiple times, he was still forcing the play, thinking they are joking and want to continue. His mum said that for her it was normal behaviour, as he was “just so much in the game that it was obviously normal that he didn’t want to stop it”.
I need to point out also, that he is very lovely and cuddly boy, and I would really like for both of them (kids) and us, mums, to enjoy the time spend together. But it is getting more and more difficult, and it is more and more difficult for me to pretend that "everything is fine", especially if his behaviour upsets and makes my daughter cry...Does his behaviour seems familiar to you? Am I really overreacting and trying to “diagnose” him or am I right with my concerns? How can I address that to find a good solution for all of us, as, I am afraid, otherwise I will be “forced” to limit out contact to some extent. And I would really like to avoid that.
Thank you very much in advance for your help.
