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Is it weird that I never want to see a therapist, counselor or physiatrist because I don't want them telling me how to feel?

A

Amethystgirl

Well-Known Member
So I have low self esteem. Is it weird that I never want to see a therapist, counselor or physiatrist because I don't want them telling me how to feel about myself? If they did, things wouldn't go well in the appointment.
 
I suspect many of us feel that way. I wouldn't know what to say to a therapist. There would be a lot of yesses, nos, and I don't knows.
 
Amethystgirl said:
So I have low self esteem. Is it weird that I never want to see a therapist, counselor or physiatrist because I don't want them telling me how to feel about myself? If they did, things wouldn't go well in the appointment.
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Been there. I have not seen a therapist in years. They tell me how I am supposed to feel, but give no advice about how to achieve that feeling. Or they will say something like "How does that make you feel?" knowing full well I am mostly incapable of feelings. It's like they are going through a script, and have not heard a single thing I said and have no idea what my problems are. And never address how to fix or deal with my problems.

They are pretty much useless. If you can find an effective one (I have heard bits and pieces of hints of rumors that maybe there is a possibility one could actually exist), do not let go.
 
Amethystgirl said:
So I have low self esteem. Is it weird that I never want to see a therapist, counselor or physiatrist because I don't want them telling me how to feel about myself? If they did, things wouldn't go well in the appointment.
Click to expand...

The idea isn't that the therapist tells you how to feel about yourself.
The idea is that the therapist assists you in recognizing your own
thoughts and feelings.
 
Amethystgirl said:
I would like a therapist to help me feel better about myself but I know that's not possible for me.
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How is s/he going to do that without attempting to sell you on the idea...?

Groucho Marx once said,
"I would never join a club that would accept someone like me as a member...!"
full
 
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I am sorry you have not come across a good therapist. It sounds like they invalidated your feelings.

Only you know what you feel, someone else no matter how much education they had, has no right to tell you that
 
Amethystgirl said:
I have low self esteem and the idea of therapy is too complicated. Plus I deserve to have low esteem.
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I also have low self esteem. It got so bad I was in therapy, with suicidal ideation. My last therapist suggested I look into autism.💡This saved my life.
Since then I have uncovered deep problems with a desperate need for external validation. “I am not good enough unless someone tells me.” I am still trying to find a way to grow past this so, if this is your problem, I have no answers for you, yet. Maybe we can search for the answers together.
 
You've said you have low self esteem and you deserve it, you've also said you have low self esteem and it can't be fixed.

If you deserve it and it can't be fixed why even bother coming here to talk about it and therapy? You don't want to be told how to feel but if you want to get any where in terms of feeling better about yourself, you need a thinking slap to the brain box by a good therapist or good samaritan.

"I deserve it, and it can't be fixed" is self fulfilling thinking. And nobody, I will repeat this, NOBODY, deserves to feel bad about themselves. And nobody, again I'll repeat it, NOBODY, is beyond being helped but you have to reach out for it. And you have to do the work. Some of that work is going to be a therapist telling you that no you shouldn't feel the way you do and that nobody deserves it. Yes it first you aren't going to believe them, or want to hear it. You're probably already pissed off at me for telling you how you should think.

But you have to start telling yourself that you deserve it, that things can be better, even if you don't actually believe it at first. Eventually, with time, and you have to give it time, you will start to believe it, you will start to feel better about yourself. But you need some help and some tools that we're not qualified to give you, but a good therapist is.

I struggled with addiction for years because I felt I deserved to be unhappy, that i deserved to be in a hole drinking my life away. Then I got help, and I know, I never deserved any of that, but nothing changed till I reached out for help. And started going through the work at first, even not believing, because anything was better than feeling like crap every day.
 
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