Is it Autism?

[Gwildor]

So I guess for my first post (aside from introductions). I wanted to start a dialog for those of you with experience of an adult diagnosis. Self or official.

What were the things that made you, or whomever suggested it to you, consider autism?

What doubts might you have had? Lightbulb moments? etc.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I joined a Myers Biggs site once, thought this was what made me different saw test for autism wrote it found 99 %
probability I was on the spectrum. Interesting did not really effect my life, explained a lot, makes no real difference
to me.

 

[VictorR]

My journey started when I read an article about autistic individuals and how they are underrepresented in the workforce. The descriptions of some of individuals profiled really resonated with me and after getting a copy of The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome and thinking "yep, that's definitely me" I started the process of seeking an diagnosis for confirmation, though that took several years.

Getting the diagnosis was a relief since I wasn't fully comfortable with self-identifying without a professional opinion - and after having it, I'm now confident in self-identifying, in situations where I deem appropriate.

 

[Crossbreed]

I took one of my sons to be evaluated for some behavioral problems. Another son & a daughter had previously been diagnosed with Autistic Disorder [now, ASD2 & ASD3, respectively]. This counselor proposed Asperger's Syndrome [now, ASD1] (which I never heard of before) and she felt that I (age 45 at the time) might have it, too.

Up until that point, I and my childhood family assumed that my eccentricities were just due to being gifted,* which was identified in early elementary school (age 6).

That son was not found to be autistic** by a local autism specialist clinic, and I was...!

If you are in the USA, see Finding Support Resources in the USA...

*[ASD1] occurs more frequently in gifteds than in non-gifteds. When both are present, it is called "twice exceptional," abbreviated 2e.
**He received a different diagnosis.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Social (and extreme generalized) anxiety, special interests, hyperfocus, stimming (apparently death-metal drumming on your chest is abnormal?), etc.

Also, it's been a while but I really 'failed' (that's not the right word, but you get me I hope) the RAADs test over and over again. Pretty sure my score was like 200+ whereas the threshold for probable autism was like 65+.

I guess taking the RAADs test more than once could also be a sign, lol

 

[Progster]

First I took the AQ test just for fun, and scored quite high on it, but I still didn't consider that I was autistic, and forgot about it. Then I watched a movie a friend had recommended to me, Max and Mary, in which Max has Aperger's syndrome. I didn't know what that was and googled it. Found that a lot of the traits described me, others not so much, and so moved on - though it was always at the back of my mind. I read "intelligent but has difficulties with social interaction" and my partner had once said that very specific thing to me, and I remember admitting to him that I wasn't good with people.

Then, a couple of years later, I started having a lot difficulty with work, and it wasn't the first time - there seemed to be a pattern emerging that I would have difficulties with other staff at work or with the environmen t or work itself, and end up either quitting or being fired. In the past I had always blamed the job or the place I was working, but I began to realise that the problem was with me. So again, I began to google Aspergers and autism in earnest - and came across information about adults on the spectrum, and females on the spectrum which described me quite accurately. At that point I was convinced that I was on the spectrum and this was the cause of my difficulties. I talked to my mum about the possibility, and she said she thought I had it, and that a private tutor I had due to being behind at school had told her that she thought I was autistic.

I lost one job, and then was unable to work at a new one due to anxiety and stress, at that point I decided to seek a diagnosis, which I received in 2012. The realisation and subsequent diagnosis was definitely a lightbulb moment for me, and a relief in so many ways.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) - Psychology Tools

A psychological self-assessment measuring Autism-Spectrum Quotient (AQ for short), which is a measure of the expression of autistic traits in adults.

psychology-tools.com

Ritvo Autism & Asperger Diagnostic Scale (RAADS-14) - Psychology Tools

Evaluate autism spectrum traits in adults with the RAADS-14 (Ritvo), a concise screening tool designed for self-assessment and clinical use.

psychology-tools.com

These may give you some sense of where you might be "on the spectrum".

Keep in mind that there are thousands of genes identified as associated with autisms,...pleural. The autism genome project has identified several different genetic variants of autism. Without taking a deep dive into this topic, understand that although there are certain "identifying traits" that would lead a psychologist's diagnosis of autism,...as a group, we remain highly individualized, with different personalities, upbringing, degree of symptomatology, co-morbidities,...so on, and so forth. So, just because a handful of people can relate to a particular situation or symptom, does not mean that others will. Don't let that confuse you.

 

[Aspychata]

Anxiety based, sensory based at times, stimming habits, eye avoidance on iffy days, hyperfocus, people avoidance on iffy days. Special interests on replay, info gathering, info analysis, but not much info dumping. Brutally honest at times. Need for repetitive things such exercise, or routines. Abhor people trying to manipulate me or my habits, like being an independent thinker.

Doesn't lead me to doubt that l get to subscribe to that newsletter called Autism Journal.

 

[AprilR]

I noticed that i always mimic other people in order to not be found out. I noticed i lack the intuition or sense that makes other people make friends. Also a lot of sensory sensitivities, and meeting another diagnosed autistic person and seeing myself in them

 

[Gwildor]

My journey started when I read an article about autistic individuals and how they are underrepresented in the workforce. The descriptions of some of individuals profiled really resonated with me and after getting a copy of The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome and thinking "yep, that's definitely me" I started the process of seeking an diagnosis for confirmation, though that took several years.

Getting the diagnosis was a relief since I wasn't fully comfortable with self-identifying without a professional opinion - and after having it, I'm now confident in self-identifying, in situations where I deem appropriate.

I feel the same sense of discomfort identifing without a professional opinion. But the current barrier to that is cost. I have done some research into getting professionally assesed and it seems to be in the region of 2 thousand dollars. Which is beyond my current means.
I know one or 2 of you have said getting a professional diagnosis didnt really matter much, but for me I think it would be a big relief.

Mostly due to shame. I struggle to feel or identify almost any emotion I have. unless its overwhelming. But one thing I almost constantly feel is shame about who I am.

Being told by a qualified profession that many of the struggles I have is because of a diagnosable illness would offer so much clarity and vindication.

Its like without an official diagnosis I see myself as a failing neurotypical. With one, I would see myself as a unsupported neurodivergent trying his best in a very difficult environment. And its much easier for me to have empathy for the2nd than the 1st.

I would also feel less shame in front of my family and friends. Many of whom I havent seen for years as I'm prone to isolate myself.

As I hinted at earlier in the post its a lot about clarity too.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

I was diagnosed at 5. Due to a severe speech delay, severe anxity, lack of social skills, stimming, no imaginary play and just generally not buying like my peers. From about age 3 it became apparent I was different then my peers so the nursery sent to my a paediatrician who at age 3 diagnosed ADHD and age 5 diagnosed autism and dyslexia.

 

[Gwildor]

I took one of my sons to be evaluated for some behavioral problems. Another son & a daughter had previously been diagnosed with Autistic Disorder [now, ASD2 & ASD3, respectively]. This counselor proposed Asperger's Syndrome [now, ASD1] (which I never heard of before) and she felt that I (age 45 at the time) might have it, too.

Up until that point, I and my childhood family assumed that my eccentricities were just due to being gifted,* which was identified in early elementary school (age 6).

That son was not found to be autistic** by a local autism specialist clinic, and I was...!

If you are in the USA, see Finding Support Resources in the USA...

*[ASD1] occurs more frequently in gifteds than in non-gifteds. When both are present, it is called "twice exceptional," abbreviated 2e.
**He received a different diagnosis.

What is your giftedness? eg how did/does it manifest?

 

[Ada_F34r]

I was lucky to have been assigned a new GP who recognised it in me straight away!

 

[Gwildor]

Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) - Psychology Tools

A psychological self-assessment measuring Autism-Spectrum Quotient (AQ for short), which is a measure of the expression of autistic traits in adults.

psychology-tools.com

Ritvo Autism & Asperger Diagnostic Scale (RAADS-14) - Psychology Tools

Evaluate autism spectrum traits in adults with the RAADS-14 (Ritvo), a concise screening tool designed for self-assessment and clinical use.

psychology-tools.com

These may give you some sense of where you might be "on the spectrum".

Keep in mind that there are thousands of genes identified as associated with autisms,...pleural. The autism genome project has identified several different genetic variants of autism. Without taking a deep dive into this topic, understand that although there are certain "identifying traits" that would lead a psychologist's diagnosis of autism,...as a group, we remain highly individualized, with different personalities, upbringing, degree of symptomatology, co-morbidities,...so on, and so forth. So, just because a handful of people can relate to a particular situation or symptom, does not mean that others will. Don't let that confuse you.

I have done these tests before, I usially score about 35/50 on the AQ. and around 120 on the RAADS. Both tell me the indication of significant autistic traits.

I understand the nature of a spectrum. I suppose my confusion of what consists of neurodiverse behaviour is the nature of egocentrism.

For example, I often read about masking behaviours in autism. But isnt that just a normal social experience? Desnt everybody have a different persona around their friends compared to a formal work environment for example? I stim and repeat entertaining phrases I hear ad infinitum around people I feel confortable with. But restrain that at work to some extent, and feel tired by that. Im under the impression this is relatively normal behaviour?

Also dont most teens learn social skills via a process if assimilation? basically hiding who they are and their quirks and adhering to 'fashionable behaviour' to 'fit in'?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I have done these tests before, I usially score about 35/50 on the AQ. and around 120 on the RAADS. Both tell me the indication of significant autistic traits.

I understand the nature of a spectrum. I suppose my confusion of what consists of neurodiverse behaviour is the nature of egocentrism.

For example, I often read about masking behaviours in autism. But isnt that just a normal social experience? Desnt everybody have a different persona around their friends compared to a formal work environment for example? I stim and repeat entertaining phrases I hear ad infinitum around people I feel confortable with. But restrain that at work to some extent, and feel tired by that. Im under the impression this is relatively normal behaviour?

Also dont most teens learn social skills via a process if assimilation? basically hiding who they are and their quirks and adhering to 'fashionable behaviour' to 'fit in'?

Context and perspective.

What separates the type of "masking/camouflaging" between a neurotypical and an autistic? As you suggest, both do this.

There is a stigma surrounding all things "mental health",...and most people in the general population know very little about how adult autism presents/manifests itself. That said, most neurotypicals know when behavior is "off",...and although they may not be able to articulate exactly what they are being confronted with,...the amygdala triggers their brain, and causes them to distance themselves from us. It's these reactions that contribute to poor job interviews, poor professional and social experiences, a lack of intimacy, further depression,...and even suicide.

Furthermore, if you were diagnosed as a child, and your parents made you go to "therapy",...basically teaching you how to hide your autism "for the greater good",...it sends a really bad psychological message. "YOU" are not acceptable in society,...so "YOU" have to change.

We all, to some degree, learn from assimilation,...observe and imitate, but a neurotypical is equipped with a rather "innate" or "instinctual" ability to do this,...and most autistics do not. The autistic typically has to think their way through it,...making it more of a conscious effort,...is open to "slip ups",...and can present itself as "fake" or "bad acting skills". It is mentally exhausting. Analogy: Your computer has a limited processing speed,...and if there is a background program running (the masking program), using a significant amount of that processing,...and you are trying to run another program (the social interaction program),...both programs may suffer slow processing. Welcome to the autistic brain. The neurotypical brain, one might say, has the "masking program" as part of the operating system, itself.

 

[nukefusion]

So I guess for my first post (aside from introductions). I wanted to start a dialog for those of you with experience of an adult diagnosis. Self or official.

What were the things that made you, or whomever suggested it to you, consider autism?

What doubts might you have had? Lightbulb moments? etc.

My daughter being diagnosed with autism was the major lightbulb moment for me. Everything made a lot more sense after that happened.

 

[Crossbreed]

What is your giftedness? eg how did/does it manifest?

It is usually discovered by an IQ test. You can get them free while you are in American schools, but they are expensive or require insurance afterwards.

What is intellectual giftedness?

 

[Gwildor]

Context and perspective.

What separates the type of "masking/camouflaging" between a neurotypical and an autistic? As you suggest, both do this.

There is a stigma surrounding all things "mental health",...and most people in the general population know very little about how adult autism presents/manifests itself. That said, most neurotypicals know when behavior is "off",...and although they may not be able to articulate exactly what they are being confronted with,...the amygdala triggers their brain, and causes them to distance themselves from us. It's these reactions that contribute to poor job interviews, poor professional and social experiences, a lack of intimacy, further depression,...and even suicide.

Furthermore, if you were diagnosed as a child, and your parents made you go to "therapy",...basically teaching you how to hide your autism "for the greater good",...it sends a really bad psychological message. "YOU" are not acceptable in society,...so "YOU" have to change.

We all, to some degree, learn from assimilation,...observe and imitate, but a neurotypical is equipped with a rather "innate" or "instinctual" ability to do this,...and most autistics do not. The autistic typically has to think their way through it,...making it more of a conscious effort,...is open to "slip ups",...and can present itself as "fake" or "bad acting skills". It is mentally exhausting. Analogy: Your computer has a limited processing speed,...and if there is a background program running (the masking program), using a significant amount of that processing,...and you are trying to run another program (the social interaction program),...both programs may suffer slow processing. Welcome to the autistic brain. The neurotypical brain, one might say, has

Context and perspective.

What separates the type of "masking/camouflaging" between a neurotypical and an autistic? As you suggest, both do this.

There is a stigma surrounding all things "mental health",...and most people in the general population know very little about how adult autism presents/manifests itself. That said, most neurotypicals know when behavior is "off",...and although they may not be able to articulate exactly what they are being confronted with,...the amygdala triggers their brain, and causes them to distance themselves from us. It's these reactions that contribute to poor job interviews, poor professional and social experiences, a lack of intimacy, further depression,...and even suicide.

Furthermore, if you were diagnosed as a child, and your parents made you go to "therapy",...basically teaching you how to hide your autism "for the greater good",...it sends a really bad psychological message. "YOU" are not acceptable in society,...so "YOU" have to change.

We all, to some degree, learn from assimilation,...observe and imitate, but a neurotypical is equipped with a rather "innate" or "instinctual" ability to do this,...and most autistics do not. The autistic typically has to think their way through it,...making it more of a conscious effort,...is open to "slip ups",...and can present itself as "fake" or "bad acting skills". It is mentally exhausting. Analogy: Your computer has a limited processing speed,...and if there is a background program running (the masking program), using a significant amount of that processing,...and you are trying to run another program (the social interaction program),...both programs may suffer slow processing. Welcome to the autistic brain. The neurotypical brain, one might say, has the "masking program" as part of the operating system, itself.

I very much like your analogy. And you explain your points well.

I suppose to continue the discussion. firstly would you say that autistic traits could be 'conditioned' out of someone? You touched on therapy as being a driver of that but my own example would be more a process of learning that many of my own neurodivergent traits were unnaceptable/ shameful, and forceably applying effort to overcome them.... with a side effect of burnout and mental health struggles.

And you mentioned about neurotypicals realizing something is 'off' when interacting with autistics. And I could definately see that as being fairly bvious in people with significant support needs. But I have seen many people with an official diagnosis of autism where I could not tell at all. I believe there is a book written about this. I cant remember the title off the top of my head but its something like "you dont look autistic!"

Perhaps this is just the cynic in me talking, but it makes me have doubts. Autism seems like such a hard thing to define. Especially with so many overlaps between different mental health conditions.

 

[Gift2humanity]

So I guess for my first post (aside from introductions). I wanted to start a dialog for those of you with experience of an adult diagnosis. Self or official.

What were the things that made you, or whomever suggested it to you, consider autism?

What doubts might you have had? Lightbulb moments? etc.

I had several tests for autism since 2006 when Asperger's wasn't as heard of as it is now.
I knew I had it in 2015, but assessor didn't do a great assessment.
Diagnosed at 54.
There was a lot of things I did not like about the way I acted, purely as there was no explanation, Aspergers explained a lot.
There are still aspects of my personality I don't like, and wonder, are they Aspie? If so, I can accept them, but if they are not, I lack common sense and can be a bit of a mug.

 

[Matthias]

I feel the same sense of discomfort identifing without a professional opinion. But the current barrier to that is cost. I have done some research into getting professionally assesed and it seems to be in the region of 2 thousand dollars. Which is beyond my current means.
I know one or 2 of you have said getting a professional diagnosis didnt really matter much, but for me I think it would be a big relief.

Mostly due to shame. I struggle to feel or identify almost any emotion I have. unless its overwhelming. But one thing I almost constantly feel is shame about who I am.

Being told by a qualified profession that many of the struggles I have is because of a diagnosable illness would offer so much clarity and vindication.

Its like without an official diagnosis I see myself as a failing neurotypical. With one, I would see myself as a unsupported neurodivergent trying his best in a very difficult environment. And its much easier for me to have empathy for the2nd than the 1st.

I would also feel less shame in front of my family and friends. Many of whom I havent seen for years as I'm prone to isolate myself.

As I hinted at earlier in the post its a lot about clarity too.

A diagnosis of autism in adults is more of an art than a science. If you paid for 10 evaluations, 5 psychiatrists might say you're autistic and 5 might say you're not autistic. Diagnosing any mental illness is mostly subjective. If you saw 3 psychiatrists, each one might diagnose you with a different condition.

If it helps, I'm willing to identify as a professional and diagnose you with shame illness, a condition that causes feelings of shame. To treat this condition, I'd recommend you stop thinking of yourself as a failing neurotypical and start thinking of yourself as an unsupported unique person trying your best in a difficult environment which doesn't require anyone to diagnose you with autism.