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Featured Is he an aspie?

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by shanishani7, May 14, 2019.

  1. shanishani7

    shanishani7 Active Member

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    I broke up with my ex bf last week. We are both 3x in age. The reason was the relationship made me gone mad which exploded and ruined everything. I even feel depressed now. But I wanna ensure if he is an aspie?

    I had known him for a few years and the impression was "he is introvert and shy but a nice guy" before we were together. He chased me and we were together last year. He has a routine that he goes to library after work until 11pm Everyday. He either continue his tasks of work or study for exams in library. And he doesn't care about any stuff at home. And he has No friends.

    For the first few months our relationship was quite good and stable so due to my age (I am a few years older than him) I mentioned that I hoped to get married these 2 years, he said he will marry me but did not take any action for a few weeks, then strangely we had no contact (even phone and msg) for 2 whole days. We usually meet on weekend. Then on Friday I asked "where will we go tomorrow?" Then he replied "go to buy ring together?" I asked if he is serious or not already. Then we bought ring and got engaged the next day.

    After we had engaged, he Never initiate to concern anything about the wedding. What he had done is go to see wedding place/pre wedding studios with me (I found all information) and he paid. But then he blamed I didn't pay(I had actually paid small parts). I had asked him to help find information but he just found a little after I asked millions of time for help (and what he was doing was to focus on his work related study in library and totally ignore my requests) . That has made me so stressful already. He only cares about his own stuff.

    He also Never call me or message me to ask me how is my day going. I got sick and he never care/ ask me if I recovered or anything. Only one time I mentioned that he doesn't care about me at all when I'm sick, then he would just sent me msg "do you feel better?" and then "take care" just like a robot everytime I was sick. (just coz he remembered I complained about it). And I complained he never call then he called me every night and chatted for a few minutes. But this kept for 2 weeks only, and then he never called. Once his mother got in the hospital for a few days, he Never asked his parents what happened to his mum and how is she, not even a word. That shocked me. Once I messaged him and called him millions of time but he Never replied for 2 whole days. I found him in the library and asked him why, he said he needs time alone and do his own stuff. Then he said I always find him and he feel annoying. I said he could let me know in advance for respect because I will worry he has accident or what happened. He seems didn't know this point.

    He has a house and I don't have. A few months ago, both families had dinner together, his father started with "you both had got along for a few months and my son says he still does not understand you" and then suddenly said the wedding should be stopped/cancelled unless all fit his dad's requirement. The requirement is that I need to sign the "Prenuptial agreement" before marriage, and that the content is - if we divorce I cannot get any of the assets of his house. (according to the Law here, the assets belong to the couple after married, and all assets will be splitted in half equally if divorced). Immediately I felt insulted and I said I will not sign. Then his dad scolded and pointed at me "if you don't sign, it means you are on purpose to greed for getting the half asset of our house!" His dad then continued to insult me that I cheated to let his son paid for the wedding expenses. My bf just remained silent but then he said he also couldn't bare the concequence of losing half asset if divorce. My mother argued with them and we left. But after we left I called my bf why he thought me like that, he said he also scared I will.

    Then for a few months, he kept on insulted me that "I get married with him in order to divorce to get half assets of his house" for many times, I had explained many times that I won't divorce. Once he told me that he rather lost me than losing half asset. Not even this, he even insulted me that I cheated him for money.
    He then even asked me to have health check see if my body can get baby, I was angry and told him I had body checked a few years ago already and no problem. And then a few weeks ago, he requested in front of my mum and me to get my body check report. Then last time I had dinner with him, he said I cannot give birth a baby bcoz I am too old. I tolerated all his insults and verbal abuse for all these months. He never care about my feeling. The next day I exploded. We are broken.

    I searched for the term Aspergers Syndrome and have read the book, and he has nearly all the symptoms. One more, he got excellent good memory, that he could remember all period of time going to which restaurant with me before dating, and can remember every word of my message even of a few weeks ago, which I think is abnormal.

    Sorry for too much detail. It's impossible to get him diagnosed now. Can anyone tell me if he is aspie/asperger? Thanks all for help.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2019
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  2. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member

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    We are for the most part just Aspies ourselves and not mental health professionals. So no one here can say one way or another. Diagnosis is a medical process anyway and can't be done long distance on forums, etc. The most I can say from your description is it sounds like he might be.

    What do you mean when you say you are both 3x? I don't know what 3x means.
     
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  3. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard

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    We can’t tell you. What I can tell you is that it sounds like you’re both better off not being together.
     
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  4. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

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    I cant diagnose anyone, im not qualified, but he sounds like a real jerk and wouldnt even think of marrying him. His family is obnoxius too.
    Find someone else.
    Whether he is aspie or not isnt relevant, he wont change.
     
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  5. shanishani7

    shanishani7 Active Member

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    Thanks for reply. I can't get him official diagnosis. I think he has all symptoms.

    3x means in age.
     
  6. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

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    oh, x meaning any numeral between 0 and 9.
     
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  7. shanishani7

    shanishani7 Active Member

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    So as an aspie, do you think he doesn't know those words will hurt my feelings?
    I'm not aspie, but I won't say those things to anyone to hurt their feelings.
    It's obviously emotional and verbal abuse.

    And he is too selfish that he only thinks about himself and for the benefit of himself. I can't distinguish he is aspie or narcissist.
     
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  8. H-Kath

    H-Kath Member

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    Is it normal to marry someone you've only known a few months that's a student in your culture? I'm glad you're not putting up with a father-in-law that verbally abuses you and a partner that goes along with it. I personally have no patience for people that reduce women to objects used for procreation.
     
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  9. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member

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    Some people/families are really obsessed about money and possessions. That is just a sometime human thing, not specifically an autism thing.
     
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  10. H-Kath

    H-Kath Member

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    I think this might help: https://www.aane.org/emotions-and-empathy/

    "People with Asperger profiles do have empathy, despite an unfortunate stigma that suggests otherwise. In fact, in a recent study published in Nature’s Scientific Reports, social neuroscience researcher Dr. Indrajeet Patil said, 'We found that autistic individuals did not in any way differ from healthy controls in terms of their moral decision. Indeed, they made moral decisions which indicated that they were on average more averse to causing harm to others, even if this produced better outcomes.”
     
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  11. shanishani7

    shanishani7 Active Member

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    His characteristics of enjoy being alone, uncaring, self-centered, verbal abuses to the extent that he doesn't know my thoughts and feelings, and inability to understand a closed person, and he has fixed routine. Sometimes he can't even answer my questions, become mute and only look at me. These fit all symptoms of aspergers.
     
  12. H-Kath

    H-Kath Member

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    Please read the link I posted for you.
     
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  13. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    If he has aspergers or not - you are putting your own expectations on many things.

    You then become disappointed and 'externalise' those expectations. (Meaning put them on someone else)

    So your challenge is to understand your own communication or the pattern will repeat.

    As per my signature.
     
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  14. shanishani7

    shanishani7 Active Member

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    Actually are there any NT here? It seems no one responded me really understand my point of views? :eek:
     
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  15. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    I thought you wanted to understand his....

    You're trying to diagnose him.

    And it is an autism forum....

    just tag it 'replies from people with aspergers not wanted'
     
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  16. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes, some members are neurotypical.
    But you can't expect instant answers.

    You have only been here part of a day.
    The membership of this forum is world-wide.

    Some people may be sleeping or at work.....

    Do you want replies from only neurotypical people?
    Or what?
     
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  17. shanishani7

    shanishani7 Active Member

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    Yes, how can I set it?
     
  18. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    @shanishani7
    You're saying you came to an autism support forum
    seeking answers from only neurotypical people?

    And that you want to tag your thread to so indicate?
     
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  19. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Just ignore people you don't agree with or would take any effort on your part to understand.

    Then wait.
     
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  20. shanishani7

    shanishani7 Active Member

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    LOL.. because I think AS and NT people are from two different world..