RosaViolet
Well-Known Member
This story reminds me of one of my experiences. In my single youth very briefly I dated a man.
He got his PhD, his dream job, bought a house and decided that it was time for him to find a spouse. He was quite explorative, endearing, and clearly trying hard to stretch himself. We had interesting conversations and went on holiday together. We weren't that compatible, but before I could even consider this, I had to run from his toxic controlling family. At about the third date he reported that his mother found a perfect place for me to work near where he lived, so I could have the dinner cooked when he would come home, I had an even dreamier dream job and had no intention of changing for cooking dinners, let alone for him. This was completely shocking and absurd, he knew, he was embarrassed too. He invited me to a garden party where I as ambushed to be 'examined' by his family. They were completely asphyxiating and constricting like those torture tools of Spanish Inquisition. His 2 brothers were as misogynistic and objectifying as his father. The father gave me his authoritative views on everything I should think and do. He interrogated me on my property, health, hereditary diseases, and indeed declared that I would have to sign a prenup. They were uncaring and abusive of each-other even before being abusive with me. I literally run away.
I had no idea then, but now I would be almost certain that he had Aspergers. Maybe his father or the mother too. His family were overprotective of him, which now, being diagnosed and having autistic children myself I can understand. But Asperger was not the problem. The man was by miles more flexible, open minded, experimental and liberal. Far from protecting, they isolated and limited his growth, he couldn't escape their grip. Many years later I saw walking with his mum, a single middle aged man.
Asperger in itself was not the problem, it was his family's asphyxiating culture. They were from a very strict nearly fanatical catholic tradition that they applied in an objectifying, abusive way. That really repelled everybody.
This family are just abusive jerks. Please do not attribute individual characteristics of individuals and families to Asperger or any disability. These behaviours are not part of diagnostic criteria. This is just misogyny and abusive attitude to people that the family got stuck in probably since the middle ages. This was an unfortunate influence of the environment, an unlucky coincidence. My aspie family is nothing like this. We have our challenges, but not at all of this sort.
He got his PhD, his dream job, bought a house and decided that it was time for him to find a spouse. He was quite explorative, endearing, and clearly trying hard to stretch himself. We had interesting conversations and went on holiday together. We weren't that compatible, but before I could even consider this, I had to run from his toxic controlling family. At about the third date he reported that his mother found a perfect place for me to work near where he lived, so I could have the dinner cooked when he would come home, I had an even dreamier dream job and had no intention of changing for cooking dinners, let alone for him. This was completely shocking and absurd, he knew, he was embarrassed too. He invited me to a garden party where I as ambushed to be 'examined' by his family. They were completely asphyxiating and constricting like those torture tools of Spanish Inquisition. His 2 brothers were as misogynistic and objectifying as his father. The father gave me his authoritative views on everything I should think and do. He interrogated me on my property, health, hereditary diseases, and indeed declared that I would have to sign a prenup. They were uncaring and abusive of each-other even before being abusive with me. I literally run away.
I had no idea then, but now I would be almost certain that he had Aspergers. Maybe his father or the mother too. His family were overprotective of him, which now, being diagnosed and having autistic children myself I can understand. But Asperger was not the problem. The man was by miles more flexible, open minded, experimental and liberal. Far from protecting, they isolated and limited his growth, he couldn't escape their grip. Many years later I saw walking with his mum, a single middle aged man.
Asperger in itself was not the problem, it was his family's asphyxiating culture. They were from a very strict nearly fanatical catholic tradition that they applied in an objectifying, abusive way. That really repelled everybody.
This family are just abusive jerks. Please do not attribute individual characteristics of individuals and families to Asperger or any disability. These behaviours are not part of diagnostic criteria. This is just misogyny and abusive attitude to people that the family got stuck in probably since the middle ages. This was an unfortunate influence of the environment, an unlucky coincidence. My aspie family is nothing like this. We have our challenges, but not at all of this sort.
