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Featured Is he an aspie?

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by shanishani7, May 14, 2019.

  1. RosaViolet

    RosaViolet Well-Known Member

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    This story reminds me of one of my experiences. In my single youth very briefly I dated a man.
    He got his PhD, his dream job, bought a house and decided that it was time for him to find a spouse. He was quite explorative, endearing, and clearly trying hard to stretch himself. We had interesting conversations and went on holiday together. We weren't that compatible, but before I could even consider this, I had to run from his toxic controlling family. At about the third date he reported that his mother found a perfect place for me to work near where he lived, so I could have the dinner cooked when he would come home, I had an even dreamier dream job and had no intention of changing for cooking dinners, let alone for him. This was completely shocking and absurd, he knew, he was embarrassed too. He invited me to a garden party where I as ambushed to be 'examined' by his family. They were completely asphyxiating and constricting like those torture tools of Spanish Inquisition. His 2 brothers were as misogynistic and objectifying as his father. The father gave me his authoritative views on everything I should think and do. He interrogated me on my property, health, hereditary diseases, and indeed declared that I would have to sign a prenup. They were uncaring and abusive of each-other even before being abusive with me. I literally run away.

    I had no idea then, but now I would be almost certain that he had Aspergers. Maybe his father or the mother too. His family were overprotective of him, which now, being diagnosed and having autistic children myself I can understand. But Asperger was not the problem. The man was by miles more flexible, open minded, experimental and liberal. Far from protecting, they isolated and limited his growth, he couldn't escape their grip. Many years later I saw walking with his mum, a single middle aged man.
    Asperger in itself was not the problem, it was his family's asphyxiating culture. They were from a very strict nearly fanatical catholic tradition that they applied in an objectifying, abusive way. That really repelled everybody.

    This family are just abusive jerks. Please do not attribute individual characteristics of individuals and families to Asperger or any disability. These behaviours are not part of diagnostic criteria. This is just misogyny and abusive attitude to people that the family got stuck in probably since the middle ages. This was an unfortunate influence of the environment, an unlucky coincidence. My aspie family is nothing like this. We have our challenges, but not at all of this sort.
     
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  2. RosaViolet

    RosaViolet Well-Known Member

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    So to answer you question, they are overprotective and have very controlling family culture. He isn't his man indeed.
    Not autism characteristics as such.
    All of this could be true:
    ***


    On the other hand, as others have said, you are bruised by this experience and are seeking to externalise your feelings. You might consider you had a lucky escape. You might look at his father and family's behaviour as grotesque. Just laugh at that. Try to apply some perspective. :)

    Please don't debase in ableism.
    No, they are not, these are propaganda of autism hate groups.
    In any case, why do you fixate on autism, what difference would it make to you.
    Can you understand his thoughts and feelings, you clearly seem not to while being NT?

    How would you know? This is a common stereotype. Aspies are from this world alright.

    Why bad treatment is a disorder?
    Most emotional abuse and domestic violence is perpetrated by NT.
     
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  3. Kayn-Ishmael

    Kayn-Ishmael The Purifier

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    It's impossible to stay in touch with others.
     
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  4. shanishani7

    shanishani7 Active Member

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    Do you mean he is hard to get along with anyone?
     
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  5. GrownupGirl

    GrownupGirl Tempermental Artist

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    Is it just me, or does every time someone's boyfriend, husband, or ex acts really terrible or neglectful they ask on this site "is he an aspie?"
    There can't be any other legit reason, all male aspies are heartless and female aspies, i.e. me, don't exist. NTs view of us in a nutshell.:rolleyes:
     
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  6. Juliettaa

    Juliettaa Black Sheep. Society of One. V.I.P Member

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    You're not alone @GrownupGirl, I've noticed it too.

    Perhaps it's me being over sensitive, but I find it offensive to read posts from people asking if their abusive partner is Aspie. He/she may just be an a$$h0le.

    As for this particular thread ............. posting on a forum which is, in the main, populated by people on the autistic spectrum and expecting NT's to reply (immediately) - I'm baffled by this????? :confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:
     
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