Irritated by others with autism?

[Crumpets]

I honestly feel alot of trepidation asking this as I know I have a terrible way of phrasing things, but does anyone else get irritated by other people with autism? I'm not annoyed by any means and my brother who is on the severe end of the spectrum has never annoyed me, but if I see someone who is high functioning or an Aspie such as myself I end up like a cat that's seen its reflection and thinks it's another cat.

My theory behind it is I think I see behaviours and speech patterns I myself do but it's always easier to see them in other people but I never see them in myself, it's probably just misguided frustration. Has anybody else had similar issues or feelings when they have been around others on the spectrum? I'm worried I seem like a jerk even asking but I'm curious.

Just to reiterate I don't dislike others on the spectrum I just find certain behaviours (usually ones I do myself) irritating.

 

[Suzanne]

Hi there and welcome first of all and no offence taken from me and yes, it happens to me as well and I have the same reaction as yourself.

I saw an aspie swaying and found it to be annoying and had to look away and YET, that is what I do. So, I work on that and what it helps me with, is to understand how nts feel when they have to deal with us stimming.

My husband who is an nt, fiddles with pens and pencils and makes clicking sounds and it sends me up the wall ( not literally or at least, I wish I was that clever hehehe) with frustration and I actually am abrupt when I say: please stop doing that, but again, very mindful that I play with things and so, when he says it to me, I try to not react negativily.

It shows that no one has the right to think they are better than another, even if nts, do make us feel like that and it is only because there are more "normal" people than diverse ones.

 

[WereBear]

Actually, it makes me smile; I "get" their sense of humor and feel a sense of solidarity.

 

[Progster]

I don't know anyone on the spectrum in real life - except perhaps one undiagnosed person who might be, and yes, he can be annoying at times for various reasons. But it's probably mutual, I'm sure that I can be equally annoying to him. On the other hand, there are things about him that I like. People, whether they are on the spectrum or not, all have different personalities, quirks and mannerisms, and some people just rub me up the wrong way. That's life and I just have to deal with it. There seems to be some false conception that people on the spectrum are all going to get on well with each other because they are on the spectrum, but it just doesn't happen that way in reality.

As @Suzanne says, sometimes it takes a fault in another person to recognise that fault in myself.

 

[Theta.G]

I think it might just have to do with general compatibility or compatibility of traits. met an acquaintance who sent 100+ messages before i could understand how to reply to the first 3... Was just coming out of the anti social bubble and so, those traits clashed.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Yeh I hate all you guys

 

[Gritches]

Like anyone, it depends on the person. Usually when I meet another AS person, even if we each know that the other has AS, we'll "fake normal" at each other for a while and that's where the other person can really irritate me. However, as time goes by, the masks drop, and it becomes a magical experience. I find the key is to just assume they mean well, and try to understand where they might've been coming from if they said something tactless. It's pretty easy to empathize with since I've probably been there myself before.

 

[Mia]

Yeah, I do. Live with another Aspie and sometimes it's like holding up a mirror to our insecurities and misunderstandings. See myself in him, in his habits and concerns and often realize they are mutual. Which doesn't make them any easier to deal with on a regular basis. As both of us seem to have these 'triggers' from our upbringings that get in the way at times.

It can be hard to manage those things in real life, but it helps if you've weathered the same problems and overcome or understood them. You can learn from the other person.

 

[Judge]

I've come to think of our biases (whatever they may be) as being relative to the species rather than any one particular neurological distinction. After all, when I seek solitude it doesn't mean I have any desire to share it with anyone, including my own kind.

Oddly enough if you posed the same question to NTs, I suspect they may well give a similar response.

Yes, we can picky about such things. But then who is to say our neurological counterparts aren't as well?

 

[OkRad]

Sometimes, but I stop those immediate and primal reactions to anyone because I am getting annoyed a lot and I do not like it.

When I feel annoyed and not know the person, I try to say something nice. If I can't because they are far away, I will stop myself from thinking anything and immediately wonder what cool special interst they may have.

I say that I bet they are really interesting.

I do this with NTs too

I do not want to be a misanthrope.

 

[Bolletje]

When I meet another possible Aspie, I either feel an instant sense of camaraderie, or a very strong dislike. I think the cat analogy is really good, at least it is for me. I don't act on these feelings, but my boyfriend has often said that he can pretty much see my imaginary tail bristle the moment someone of the disliked type walks in.

 

[FreeDiver]

I saw an aspie swaying and found it to be annoying and had to look away and YET, that is what I do. So, I work on that and what it helps me with, is to understand how nts feel when they have to deal with us stimming.

That's one of the reasons I treat stimming a lot like going to the bathroom. Let's face it. Everybody has to visit the toilet, but we don't like to do it, because, well, it stinks and it embarrassing. So what do we do? We create these private spaces to go and do our business while separated from others. Uoy just godda treat stimming the same way. Take a break, go to a private place and stim out.

 

[Suzanne]

That's one of the reasons I treat stimming a lot like going to the bathroom. Let's face it. Everybody has to visit the toilet, but we don't like to do it, because, well, it stinks and it embarrassing. So what do we do? We create these private spaces to go and do our business while separated from others. Uoy just godda treat stimming the same way. Take a break, go to a private place and stim out.

I am pretty blessed in the fact that I am mostly on my own and when not, it is because hubby is here, but doing his own thing and only once in a while will ask what the heck I am doing?

In public, too intimated to openly stim in such an obvious way, but I do occasionally when something takes my eye, wring my hands in glee and hubby did notice that and I had not even noticed doing it.

And, I like your anology regarding the bathroom; in fact, I hate ablutions anyway.

 

[Suzanne]

Sometimes, but I stop those immediate and primal reactions to anyone because I am getting annoyed a lot and I do not like it.

When I feel annoyed and not know the person, I try to say something nice. If I can't because they are far away, I will stop myself from thinking anything and immediately wonder what cool special interst they may have.

I say that I bet they are really interesting.

I do this with NTs too

I do not want to be a misanthrope.

And you think you are not a nice person? Wow, you are LOVELY.