invited to my sisters baby shower...don't know what to do

[Arashi222]

So I have a question. I have been invited to participate in my sisters baby shower as it is at my and our moms house. I picked out the cake. I helped my mom figure some things out and I am now concerned as it is this coming Saturday that I don't know what I am going to do with so many people around. I don't do crowds and I know its probably only going to be about 10 -12 people but most of them I haven't even meet before. My sister has been nice and told me that if I need to disappear and go on my computer in the basement I can. But I am fearful of how I am going to be seen as. I don't really announce to the world that I am different either.

Any suggestions would be appreciated on how to get through the afternoon.

 

[Loomis]

I bet if you just sit there among all the guests and watch what's happening no one will think you are doing anything out of the ordinary. I guess the hard part is to try and relax and not feel as if you have to do something. You don't have to do anything. Stuff will just happen and you can watch.

I have actually been to a couple of showers. In the old days males were not invited but times change. As I remember the focus is on the person who is receiving the gifts and there is lots of action. I don't think people spend much time looking at each other.

 

[Arashi222]

I bet if you just sit there among all the guests and watch what's happening no one will think you are doing anything out of the ordinary. I guess the hard part is to try and relax and not feel as if you have to do something. You don't have to do anything. Stuff will just happen and you can watch.

I have actually been to a couple of showers. In the old days males were not invited but times change. As I remember the focus is on the person who is receiving the gifts and there is lots of action. I don't think people spend much time looking at each other.

I wish I could relax but its going to be a lot of people I don't know. A lot of them are really touchy people my sister said. She warned me about that. But that they are real chatty. I am afraid of talking to any of them. I don't want them to touch me. Its going to be so loud. I mean I know my sister gave me permission to disappear if it gets too much for me cause its at my house cause I live with our mom. See I can't see real well and that adds to my anxiety I don't like things being moved around so much because then I walk into stuff. I am worried I don't really know how to be that social. I know how to act around customers at my grocery store because I work there and run the scripts though my head but this I am unprepared for.

 

[Kelly]

I know it' s a lie but could your sister maybe say your not feeling too good and that's why you've disappeared (if you need to run off and be alone), at least that way you have a 'normal' excuse for just leaving. Or could you maybe come up with a plan for going out somewhere (have to pick up the cake, supplies or whatever), or would your sister mind if you only came for the last 45mins-hour that way you can make out you couldn't get out of work earlier or something. Or the reverse say you can't stay long because you have work and then just go for a nice walk somewhere until it's over?

Or tips for staying; lots of bathroom breaks, make drinks/get snacks for everyone so you can hide out in the kitchen for 10 minutes or so. Collecting rubbish from present unwrapping and dumping that in the bins outside, Just do lots of little jobs that enable you to stay focused on them rather then the group and that allow you to leave at frequent intervals to compose yourself.

Failing that just get up and go to the basement and screw what they think, your trying your best and if it's all too much then it's too much you can't help that and you shouldn't feel bad about it xx

 

[Arashi222]

I know it' s a lie but could your sister maybe say your not feeling too good and that's why you've disappeared (if you need to run off and be alone), at least that way you have a 'normal' excuse for just leaving. Or could you maybe come up with a plan for going out somewhere (have to pick up the cake, supplies or whatever), or would your sister mind if you only came for the last 45mins-hour that way you can make out you couldn't get out of work earlier or something. Or the reverse say you can't stay long because you have work and then just go for a nice walk somewhere until it's over?

Or tips for staying; lots of bathroom breaks, make drinks/get snacks for everyone so you can hide out in the kitchen for 10 minutes or so. Collecting rubbish from present unwrapping and dumping that in the bins outside, Just do lots of little jobs that enable you to stay focused on them rather then the group and that allow you to leave at frequent intervals to compose yourself.

Failing that just get up and go to the basement and screw what they think, your trying your best and if it's all too much then it's too much you can't help that and you shouldn't feel bad about it xx

Thanks Kelly. I wish I could just leave but I can't drive plus its at mine and our mom's house. So I can't just leave because well I don't trust people enough to stay out of my stuff. So I like your idea of just doing little things. Plus my sister did say that I could disappear to the basement if I had to but you know its more that I am doing this for her and not her friends so I don't want her to feel like i'm disappearing on her if that makes sense because my sister is like my best friend. I just worry about what everyone else that doesn't know me will think. I am sure it all be fine and I will regale you all once its over on on surviving. We shall see its not till Satruday and boy am I already freaking out.

 

[Bay]

Arashi, I don't know if this will help but this is what I do. I make myself busy in the kitchen and do things like serve drinks and food (so my interaction with guests is brief and superficial). I take my time so that I can try to stay calm. There are times when I can go into the kitchen for brief spells just to be alone for a few minutes, without anyone getting concerned. Everyone else will be chattering away, and are less likely to notice that I'm not there. The bonus is that the kitchen is clean, dishes are done, and the hostess has less work to do. It works well for me anyway.

 

[Arashi222]

Arashi, I don't know if this will help but this is what I do. I make myself busy in the kitchen and do things like serve drinks and food (so my interaction with guests is brief and superficial). I take my time so that I can try to stay calm. There are times when I can go into the kitchen for brief spells just to be alone for a few minutes, without anyone getting concerned. Everyone else will be chattering away, and are less likely to notice that I'm not there. The bonus is that the kitchen is clean, dishes are done, and the hostess has less work to do. It works well for me anyway.

Thanks for the support Bay. Yah I see what you mean only issue is me and my sisters mom are the hosts its in the house I live in with my mom so it still has to get done anyway. Which I do...but these people from what my sister has told me like to make people feel comfy which of course for me makes me feel very uncomfy in my own home. I just don't want to disappear on my sister I mean it is her day. And I don't want people I have never meet to think I am just nuts...which maybe I am but I'm friendly Thanks for the support I might try that since you and Kelly both suggested trying to stay busy. I just want to go into the basement and hole away you know??

 

[Soup]

Whenever I'm in a situation like that one, I use the escape & do kitchen duty strategy. It's a useful, constructive tasks that needs to be done & is completely appropriate to the event. Another thing I do is store duty. If the party runs out of something, I escape to the store to get it. That gives me some time alone in the car both ways. Then the item has to be brought to the kitchen.

You seem like a delightful person: much friendlier & more approachable than I am. Since this is your sister & friends of hers, they're likely a nice crowd. I doubt your sister would invite you to an event where the other guests were unkind & intolerant. You're in your own home so I bet you'll do fine. Please don't psyche yourself out by feeding into worrying.

 

[Arashi222]

Whenever I'm in a situation like that one, I use the escape & do kitchen duty strategy. It's a useful, constructive tasks that needs to be done & is completely appropriate to the event. Another thing I do is store duty. If the party runs out of something, I escape to the store to get it. That gives me some time alone in the car both ways. Then the item has to be brought to the kitchen.

You seem like a delightful person: much friendlier & more approachable than I am. Since this is your sister & friends of hers, they're likely a nice crowd. I doubt your sister would invite you to an event where the other guests were unkind & intolerant. You're in your own home so I bet you'll do fine. Please don't psyche yourself out by feeding into worrying.

Thanks for the concern. I am trying not to psych myself out too bad but I have a full week of wondering and worrying about it ahead. Its not it Saturday. The only thing is that everyone here seems to forget is that I can't drive. I am legally blind and while it sounds like a good idea its not possible for me. I am gonna try the kitchen stuff since everyone seems to think that will work. I am not so much worried about them being intolerant so much as me being around too many people I don't like being aroudn that many people in a social setting. Being at work is different, I know what to say I know how to act. I know that I have to do certain things nad keep my mouth shut about others but with a group of people not customers I don't know...I just am a bit concerned that is all. But thanks guys.

 

[Arashi222]

Ok So now I am seriously fretting the shower is on Saturday and I there are going to be people I really don't know at all. I don't know how to act or say. I mean I am sure they are nice people my sister wouldn't be friends with not nice people but they tend to be a huggy group. I don't want them touching me. I don't really like people I don't know touching me at all. So this is gonna be bad. I mean I struggle with people at work all the time because customers like to touch you and I don't like it at all...sigh...I am just freaking out a bit I want to just go hide but i don't want to ruin it for my sister.

 

[Kelly]

You need to tell your sister how worried you are about people touching you, maybe she can give them a heads up that your not a touchy feely person. Or if you don't want her saying something like that then maybe she could say you have a bit of a virus so will be keeping your distance and then that gives you the perfect opportunity to make lots of bathroom breaks, kitchen breaks, having to go lay down for an hour or whatever. It also means you can be in the room but away form the crowd if you want to, like lean against a doorway whilst they all huddle together on chairs/the floor.

You can do this Arashi, it will be fine just don't feel bad about having to take lots of breaks or if it all gets too much having to retreat to the basement, your sister will completely understand, she will just be happy that you made the effort to join in.

 

[Soup]

Those are great ideas, Kelly: esp the 'heads up' warning one about being touchy-feely. I abhor being grabbed, touched & hugged too so I can relate well to that concern.

Arashi222, I understand your concern about being mauled by strange people because I hate that too. Please use the time to think of constructive strategies you can apply to minimize the stress rather than choosing to use the time between now & the shower to worry & increase the stress you're under. Changing my approach to a proactive one made a huge difference for me in terms of my stress levels & coping mechanisms.

 

[Csutelan]

I have several strategies for dealing with these types of situations. First of all, I always take something that relates to my interests (like one of my books) or a talisman ( I have several that I keep in my pockets including a small shell, a silver dollar and a glass marble). I use the same approach when I have to travel; if you can't stay at home take a bit of home with you.

Another strategy is to make sure yours hands are full whether you have a drink or a small plate of food. That gives you a good excuse not to shake hands or be hugged. If you are seated stay in the back, away from the crowd. Try to seem interested but keep your own interests near. I will use my cell phone to search for books or look up book-related information.

Have something going on that compels you to leave as soon as it is politely possible. If you have to move around, try to keep moving. Seem intent on something...people are less likely to detain you if you appear to be on the way somewhere else.

These are just a few of the strategies that I employ to deal with situations like that. Best of luck!

 

[Arashi222]

Well I wanted to thank all of your for your support. The baby shower has now been over for a few hours now. I am alive...I survived. I was able to run off and hide. My mom actually told me to go down to the basement as I was getting overwhelmed. I hung around for the beginning and I hung around for the presents but other than that I helped with set up and take down and I just couldn't interact I didn't know anyone and I just couldn't but it was fun to watch my sister open presents. I think she liked what I got her a lot so that helped and the cake was lovely I will post some pics in the next couple of days of the cake. It was really good too. So I just wanted to let everyone know that I appreciated the support.

 

[Kelly]

So glad it went well, I knew you could do it

 

[Bay]

It makes me happy to know that the party went well for you!

 

[Arashi222]

It makes me happy to know that the party went well for you!

So glad it went well, I knew you could do it

Thank you guys! I did make it through. It was hard but I felt like I did what I could for my sister and plus there was actually two less people there than we thought would be so that helped abit too we only have 2little pieces of cake left. But as soon as I get my camera down here by the computers I will post the cute little cake for all to see. Thanks again guys!

 

[Geordie]

Good that you survived the baby shower.

Arashi, I'm proud of you!

I'm feeling happy!

 

[Kelly]

Can't wait to see the cake

 

[Arashi222]

I finally got around to putting the pictures on my computer so now I can show you the wonderful cake i picked out as an update. I also was lucky in that I got out of going to the family shower as my sister was thinking there might at least 35 people there. Oui No way in hell would I be there. I barely made it with ten people. My sister tried to get me to go, but she also knew that going all the way to her husbands families home in Hugo was not gonna happen. But since I am feeling better today when they get home we might go shopping for all the things that she didn't get at the two showers. All right so here a few pictures of my sisters cake that I picked out Just as I promised.