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Introducing myself

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by LisaR, Sep 5, 2018.

  1. LisaR

    LisaR New Member

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    Hello, my name is LisaR and I live in NJ. I do not have Asperger's Syndrome, but my 29 year old son was diagnosed at 14 with Asperger's Syndrome, Bi-Polar, Borderline Personality Disorder and ODD. When he was a little we knew he was bright, but just thought he was the type of kid who was a little eccentric and had to know everything about whatever the item of the year was i.e., dinosaurs, sea life, etc.

    Because we didn't know when he was younger that he had Asperger's Syndrome we didn't understand that what we thought were hobbies were actually obsessions. As he got older his obsessions went to gaming as I watched him go through $5,000 in 2 weeks (the spending is the bi-polar part).

    He is 29 years old now and in deep mental turmoil and trouble as his wife of 7 years (she has Borderline Personality Disorder) has filed for divorce. They started dating at 16, had my granddaughter at 19 (she is 9 now and has Asperger's too), had my grandson when they were 23. His obsession with her began almost immediately after they met. At that time, they were both weighing over 200 pounds each so they matched each other with their weight, craziness over heavy metal music and horror films and low self esteem issues.

    They married when they were just 21 years old. After my grandson was born my DIL decided to have bariatric surgery and has lost over 150 lbs while he blew up to almost 300 lbs. She is very beautiful and his obsessiveness got worse with her. When they would go away alone together, they were fine, but whenever they were home they fought constantly.

    For whatever reason, I'll never know, but she convinced him to go off his meds 3 years ago and since then he's taken all of his bad feelings about her and did transference to me so that he would be able to relieve his own guilt of how he ruined his own life and hers because they are both narcissistic and manipulative.

    Two years ago when he got violent with her because she asked for a divorce it took 10 police officers to remove him from the house as he held knives to his neck. Since Father's Day, his obsession with her he is so out of control, he won't stop threatening suicide if she won't take him back and has been in and out of hospitals this entire summer.

    The social workers keep releasing him because he lies and manipulates them and I'm sure never tells them he's also Asperger's which is what's causing these suicide attempts if he can't have her back and not the bi-polar causing depression.

    I'm writing because I don't know where else to get advice at this stage because he's now burned every bridge that had opened for him and is at this very minute getting kicked out of the last one and my husband is trying to either get him home (which I'm taking a chance of him not going after me, but what else as a mother can I do) or get him to commit himself for a long term facility that my husbands goes to the intake to make sure all truths come out and try and get him committed for a longer period than 7 days.

    I am looking to this community for help as my husband and I have no idea what to do at this point to get him to break his obsessions about her of which keeps driving him to keep trying to kill himself. We want to save our son's life and have tried all he's allowed his father to do at arm's length since he kicked me out of his life 3 years ago.

    I used to be the only person who could knock sense into his head and get him out of these crises, but I don't think he's going to let me do it this time so I really need some help to save him. If anyone out there has had any type of similar situation, please contact me. Thank you.
     
  2. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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  3. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    TLTR
     
  4. Nitro

    Nitro Admin/Immoral Turpitude Staff Member Admin V.I.P Member

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    Hi Lisa

    welcome to af.png
     
  5. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    what is TLTR?
     
  6. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    Too Long To Read.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
  7. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Wow. I'm not sure there's anything you can do since he's an adult and I know how hard it has to be to watch helplessly.
     
  8. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    Welcome. I don’t really have any helpful advice for you, this isn’t really everyday Aspie fare so to speak.
    I’m not sure how much you can do, both from a legal and a personal point of view.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  9. Nervous Rex

    Nervous Rex High-functioning autistic V.I.P Member

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    When you "knock sense into someone's head" you are essentially taking over part of their brain function for them. E.g., If you override your son's decision to buy a new phone, any thought processes that he went through to make the decision is nullified by your thought process.

    If you want to change your son's thought processes, don't model the thought process for him, model it with him. Talk through the decision, why he should or shouldn't do something, let him work out as much of the benefits or consequences as he can. Don't tell him what to think*, but ask open-ended questions to prompt him to think through things. It's the same as teaching someone to drive - they do the actual driving and you only guide from the side.

    *I don't mean to imply that you are telling him what to think - I don't know you well enough to say that. I put the negative example in for contrast only.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  10. Myway

    Myway Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hello and welcome.