In need of advice for my nephew

[Eleri4094]

It's been a bit since I last posted or commented on here. Oops. Anyway I need advice. My nephew's behavior has been getting worse and I have no idea what to do; we try to teach him not to abuse people (hit/slap, bite, kick, headbutt (he learned that from his parents ) etc) and we tell him that it hurts when he does that but he's not really getting it and his screaming is getting worse.

He's non-verbal (not completely, he says "no" every once in a great while and says "uh-oh" a lot but he mostly babbles). I know he's trying to say something and we're able to figure it out most of the time but there are a lot of times where we can't. Even the school (he's in summer school until August) is having trouble, like today for instance. He didn't want to clean up and kicked another child in the head over it.

No matter what we do it's not helping and we don't know what to do. Does anyone have any tips or tricks or advice? I'm sorry if this was hard to follow, I made it as simple as I could to make it understandable but I also couldn't add as much as I would like (since it'd be a bit of a rant/vent).

 

[Rodafina]

we try to teach him not to abuse people (hit/slap, bite, kick, headbutt (he learned that from his parents

Sorry that I can't remember your nephew's situation, but can you say a little more about this? Was he removed from an abusive situation with his parents?

 

[Crossbreed]

My 31yo daughter/ward is ASD3 & non-verbal. She never got the hang of the various communication "devices," but she uses some "baby" sign language. She bites & pinches on occasion, too, but I have learned how to "discourage" that.

You basically need to treat an ASD3 person as if they had a brain injury --because they do. Autism is not a brain injury, but his severe co-morbid conditions on-top-of his autism are.

See Autism Subtypes...

 

[Coxhere]

It's been a bit since I last posted or commented on here. Oops. Anyway I need advice. My nephew's behavior has been getting worse and I have no idea what to do; we try to teach him not to abuse people (hit/slap, bite, kick, headbutt (he learned that from his parents ) etc) and we tell him that it hurts when he does that but he's not really getting it and his screaming is getting worse.

He's non-verbal (not completely, he says "no" every once in a great while and says "uh-oh" a lot but he mostly babbles). I know he's trying to say something and we're able to figure it out most of the time but there are a lot of times where we can't. Even the school (he's in summer school until August) is having trouble, like today for instance. He didn't want to clean up and kicked another child in the head over it.

No matter what we do it's not helping and we don't know what to do. Does anyone have any tips or tricks or advice? I'm sorry if this was hard to follow, I made it as simple as I could to make it understandable but I also couldn't add as much as I would like (since it'd be a bit of a rant/vent).

Ame568, you have done an excellent job explaining the situation with your nephew and your being stumped in knowing what to do and how to help him. It's also understandable that there's a lot more to what's going on than what you could write in three short paragraphs. What you've written didn't (and doesn't) sound like a rant or ventilating. It's very clear that you are reaching out for possible ways to deal with a very difficult situation. You seem to be a precious uncle or aunt.

 

[Coxhere]

My 31yo daughter/ward is ASD3 & non-verbal. She never got the hang of the various communication "devices," but she uses some "baby" sign language. She bites & pinches on occasion, too, but I have learned how to "discourage" that.

You basically need to treat an ASD3 person as if they had a brain injury --because they do. Autism is not a brain injury, but his severe co-morbid conditions on-top-of his autism are.

See Autism Subtypes...

Crossbreed, your link to Autism Subtypes takes the reader to an EXCELLENT and INFORMATIVE article, and it is worth the little bit of time it takes to read it.

I did a search regarding when an autistic person's behavior resembles a traumatic brain injury. Here is what I found:

AI Overview

When an autistic person's behavior resembles a brain injury, treatment focuses on understanding the underlying cause, whether it's a co-occurring condition or a manifestation of autism itself, and then implementing strategies to address the specific behaviors and challenges.This may involve a combination of behavioral therapies, medication, and environmental adaptations.

Understanding the Presentation:

• Co-occurring conditions:
  It's crucial to rule out or address any co-occurring conditions like traumatic brain injury (TBI), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or other neurological issues that can mimic or exacerbate autistic behaviors.
  
  
• Autism-related behaviors:
  Some autistic individuals may exhibit behaviors that can appear similar to brain injury symptoms, such as difficulties with communication, social interaction, or emotional regulation.
  
  
• Individualized approach:
  Given the heterogeneity of autism, treatment must be tailored to the specific individual, considering their unique strengths, challenges, and preferences.
  

Treatment Approaches:

• Behavioral therapies:
  • Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA): ABA can help individuals learn new skills, reduce challenging behaviors, and improve communication and social skills.
    
    
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can be adapted to help individuals manage anxiety, regulate emotions, and address negative thought patterns.
    
    
  • Sensory Integration Therapy: This therapy can help individuals with sensory sensitivities regulate their sensory input and reduce overstimulation.
    
    
  • Exposure Therapy: If trauma is a factor, exposure therapy (adapted for autistic individuals) can help process traumatic memories and reduce PTSD symptoms.
    
  • Antipsychotics: Risperidone and aripiprazole are FDA-approved for treating irritability and aggression associated with autism.
    
    
  • Other medications: Depending on the specific symptoms, medications like SSRIs, stimulants, or anti-anxiety medications may be considered.
    
• Psychoeducation:
  Providing information about autism, trauma, and mental health can help individuals and their families better understand the challenges and develop coping strategies.
  

Important Considerations:

• Early intervention:
  Early identification and intervention are crucial for maximizing positive outcomes.
  
  
• Collaboration:
  Effective treatment often requires collaboration between clinicians, educators, and family members.
  
  
• Focus on strengths:
  It's important to focus on the individual's strengths and interests to promote positive self-esteem and motivation.
  
  
• Ongoing support:
  Autism is a lifelong condition, and individuals may require ongoing support and adjustments to their treatment plan as they grow and develop.

 

[Crossbreed]

The thing to keep in mind for the various behavioral therapies is, while they can improve targeted behaviors, it is misguided to try to make an autistic conform to NT standards.

Example: behavior mod methods were quite appropriate for my daughter's (partial) potty training, but under the most optimal conditions, the heath ideal for ASD2s & 3s is ASD1; a difference, not a defect.

If a left-handed person has coordination difficulties, the fix is not to make them right-handed but to improve their use of the left hand.

My daughter has the mental age equivalent to an 18 month-old NT. That limits direct counseling options.

 

[Eleri4094]

Sorry that I can't remember your nephew's situation, but can you say a little more about this? Was he removed from an abusive situation with his parents?

His parents basically abandoned him with us when he was a few months old and for a long time didn't really visit or want him with them. In truth, my sister still doesn't really want him and they only pick him up when his father wants to spend some time with him.

 

[Coxhere]

His parents basically abandoned him with us when he was a few months old and for a long time didn't really visit or want him with them. In truth, my sister still doesn't really want him and they only pick him up when his father wants to spend some time with him.

Your nephew carries a lot of emotional pain, Ame568. And it sounds like you do too. I'm so sorry.

 

[Rodafina]

His parents basically abandoned him with us when he was a few months old and for a long time didn't really visit or want him with them. In truth, my sister still doesn't really want him and they only pick him up when his father wants to spend some time with him.

Thanks for the reminder, @Ame568. He's been through so much. Even with your loving care and support, I think it's best to brace for some inevitable challenging behaviors that seem like they have no answer. Patience, perseverance, and time are likely what will help you here.

I'm not trying to say that there's nothing that you can do. I'm just recognizing that you are doing your best and I imagine your nephew is doing his best, too. Processing the kind of trauma he has been through with limited communication capabilities may look violent at times. Not every setting is going to be right for him.

In this situation, I really think it's best to look to yourself and make sure that you are spending time taking care of your own well being and mental health. This little guy is going to need you for the long haul. Call in any support you can for yourself so that you can continue to show up strong for your nephew. Like the safety warning on an airplane - adults need to affix their oxygen mask first so that they can help their children. Find ways to get the "oxygen" you need because you are putting so much love and care and effort into your nephew.

I don't know how to stop him from kicking and slapping, but I do know that your strength and wellness are his very best chance right now. Keep all of your successes at the top of your mind and remind yourself that some things will only resolve with time and steady love.

 

[Coxhere]

Thanks for the reminder, @Ame568. He's been through so much. Even with your loving care and support, I think it's best to brace for some inevitable challenging behaviors that seem like they have no answer. Patience, perseverance, and time are likely what will help you here.

I'm not trying to say that there's nothing that you can do. I'm just recognizing that you are doing your best and I imagine your nephew is doing his best, too. Processing the kind of trauma he has been through with limited communication capabilities may look violent at times. Not every setting is going to be right for him.

In this situation, I really think it's best to look to yourself and make sure that you are spending time taking care of your own well being and mental health. This little guy is going to need you for the long haul. Call in any support you can for yourself so that you can continue to show up strong for your nephew. Like the safety warning on an airplane - adults need to affix their oxygen mask first so that they can help their children. Find ways to get the "oxygen" you need because you are putting so much love and care and effort into your nephew.

I don't know how to stop him from kicking and slapping, but I do know that your strength and wellness are his very best chance right now. Keep all of your successes at the top of your mind and remind yourself that some things will only resolve with time and steady love.

Amen.

 

[Crossbreed]

I did a search regarding when an autistic person's behavior resembles a traumatic brain injury.

The mechanism that I subscribe to is from The US Autism Association.

1. The whole spectrum is inclined to have immune dysfunction.
2. ASD2s & 3s have been injured by having their weakened immune systems assaulted in some critical way. Some have made recovery. Most do not.
3. Said source of assault was extremely rare before 1979 (in the US).
4. ASD1s have the same vulnerable immune systems, but either have not experienced said assault, or had enough immune function to repel it.
5. The term used at USAA is "encephalopathy." Any brain injury acquired through unrelated means is not a true autistic co-morbid condition.