Thank you for your reply. I will explain reasons partly as to why I am quite often depressed and factors that exacerbate the depression that enhance it.
- I know that most people only have a small number of friends, BUT they still have people who talk to them, give them attention and whom they are willing to go out with. I don’t have that at all. Honestly I get the impression or vibe that most people have a negative impression of me as very few people actually talk to me when I attend social groups. Then I have issues like people ostracising me or closing the door to a friendship with me because I have this condition.
- I know, I was saying this today and have often thought about it. My mother discourages me from diverging away from Aspergers support groups but I am not going to get anywhere socially at those. I don’t know where I could go that I would fit in (at 23) without a car and in a rural area. There isn’t much to do here.
- That’s alright. I just want to be somewhere where I am accepted and people are OPEN to the idea of befriending me.
Regarding Peer Group - this is an external factor.
I only attend this because I have nowhere else to go socially. I have big issues with the people there:
- The guy who I used to talk to and enjoy talking to has stopped attending because he has got a job. Although clearly he wasn’t as interested in talking to me as I was to him given that he stopped attending.
- There is a mini clique there whom invited me out, then ditched me and avoid me like the plague. These people make the whole experience uncomfortable for me. I have NOT done anything for this intense dislike. The avoiding is so serious that they will go awkward routes on day trips to avoid meeting me I.e going to a train station 10 miles away. This hurts me immensely.
- The people at the group have increased issues that I do not have and often a lack of maturity.
Other issues that I have:
- As I said earlier the negative vibe people get off me. For ex, (although trivial) today a religious fanatic approached the guy beside me rather than myself.
- People not bothering with me because of my social status and condition. I have met a few who I know are closed off to a friendship with me because of this.
- Every acquaintanceship I have fails, as I stop bothering and the other person does not reach out to me. This always happens to me and I do not know why.
- Nobody values the “acquaintanceship” that I have with them as much as I do.
Few people actually talk to me or bother with me and I DO NOT know why?
Regarding the very last bit: It might be that you're doing something that you dont quite realize, and this pushes people away. From what I've seen in others on the spectrum... and what I've seen in myself... *alot* of us do things, without knowing, that drive others away.
For instance, consider how most NTs and even some on the spectrum communicate. It aint just vocally... there is a huge emphasis on body language. One common trait on the spectrum though is that not only do we not quite grasp body language (even if we think we do, which is a very important distinction) we often dont even NOTICE it. Provided we're even looking at the other person to begin with, and many of us dont.
This means two things: We may be essentially putting off an aura of "dont get near me" without even knowing it due to our own body language, which we arent noticing, and also, for those of us that cant look people in the eye, that's another "get away from me" sign to most people. Try to explain to them WHY you wont look at them and all you'll get is utter confusion.
When things like that are going on, most people will respond automatically. They dont even have to think about it. You look like you want to melt into the walls? Most will ignore you. Look real angry all the time? They'll outright avoid you (this is what happens in my case).
There's a couple of other things you said here though that dont add up, that I think are worth mentioning. For instance, this part:
"The guy who I used to talk to and enjoy talking to has stopped attending because he has got a job. Although clearly he wasn’t as interested in talking to me as I was to him given that he stopped attending."
See, there's a lack of logic there. You first say: He stopped attending because he got a job. Okay, fine. But then you say: It means he doesnt want to talk because he doesnt attend anymore. Er... no? That's not how things work. If he got a job, and CANT go... then he cant go. You could be his best friend in the universe and he still wouldnt show up at that group meeting. That's how it is, when you have a job... as an employee, you dont get to make those choices, your boss does. For all you know, maybe he'd really love to go back to that group. But he doesnt have a choice in that matter.
And here's the thing: Did you ever consider doing something like exchanging phone numbers with him? If you want to guarantee that contact doesnt have to stop, you pretty much *have* to do this. Particularly with a pre-set meeting group like that. Sometimes a group like that can be outright forced to disband for reasons beyond anyone's control... so if there's someone you like there, BAM, they're gone... unless you got contact info.
The other thing I want to quote is:
"Every acquaintanceship I have fails, as I stop bothering and the other person does not reach out to me. This always happens to me and I do not know why."
Your answer to that is right in there: "I stopped bothering". If you want to keep things going... dont stop. Gotta understand, not everyone is all that proactive with this stuff. Unless you've become REALLY close friends, you cant guarantee that someone will just call you out of the blue. If someone you know is like a total extrovert, then yes, it's likely to happen. But if they're a total introvert... you could wait all year and never get a call. Not because they lose interest in you, but because it simply never occurs to them to use the phone. Hell, they may think to themselves "huh, I havent heard from him in awhile, I wonder how he's doing?" and it STILL wont occur to them to use the phone, because... they just dont use the phone. That sort of thing. I know that one from experience because I do it myself. It really, genuinely will not occur to me to use the phone to call/text people or anything like that... I always wait for anyone to contact me. I'm as introverted as one can get. Fortunately, those few friends I do have... who I've known for MANY years... understand this. But many people dont. Which is why it's so hard for introverts to make friends with each other, heh.
Lastly, I will say that the lack of a car really can hurt things. Are you unable to drive, or simply just not able to buy one? Not having one sure doesnt help. I mean, it's not like it's impossible to have friends without one... heck, could use the internet or something... but it sure as heck makes it harder to get together! And yes, I know, the other person might have a car, but you cant expect only one side to do all of the driving... gas is pricey, after all, so that's a problem sometimes.
Anyway, dont give up, and dont get discouraged. No matter how you look at it, no matter what advice you're given, no matter what you try... making friends is difficult. An annoying fact, but a fact nonetheless. Keep persisting at it no matter what, and you will get what you want.
Also I apologize if I misunderstood anything you wrote. I typed all of this shortly after waking up, since that's when I noticed it while quickly checking the forum site.