I'm so frustrated about drug testing

[umbrellabeach]

I've only had one job in my life, a courtesy clerk/bagger at a grocery store. That was in early 2011 and I was not tested for drugs, and it never occurred to me that drug testing for employment is common. I'd never heard of it. I loved my job, but I had to quit in early 2013 when we moved away. I'm really upset about that now because all the jobs here out east seem to require urine drug testing. Now why is this such a big deal, you ask? Well, it shouldn't be and I wish it weren't, but most of my family members (thankfully excluding me) have to use the bathroom a LOT, and they're super open to talk about it and don't think it's invasive to ask other people about their own urine and stuff, for some reason, but I find it absolutely mortifying.
I almost got a job back in June, and they were going to test me. I knew it was urine but there was nothing I could do about it so my dad and I arrived at the lab early one morning only to find that we'd have to wait since we didn't have an appointment, but my dad didn't have that much time because he had a meeting to go to, so we left. As we were pulling out of the parking lot he asked me a question that was not only embarrassing and invasive but also completely unnecessary, and that day I decided that as long as I'm stuck with my family, I will refuse to submit to a urine drug test. I will gladly provide blood, hair, sweat, saliva, etc. if anyone would let me. Just not urine (or stool, if some weirdo's invented a test like that).
When I had my old job, I lived in Austin, MN. Now I live in the Bowie, MD area and everything around here is extremely strict. It seems just about ALL the jobs require urine testing. My mom told me to apply to Target, but while their policy says "I agree to provide urine, blood or some other specimen," I did some research and found that they actually just ask for urine, so I didn't finish the application because while I would quickly and gladly agree to provide blood or hair, I cannot consent to urine. Mom says they should let me provide blood if I want to because their policy says so, but I don't think they will.
I've read that hair testing is much more accurate as it shows up to three months of drug use, but no one wants to do that because it's more expensive. I would gladly pay for it myself if they would just let me, but what are the chances someone would let me???
What should I do? Is it even possible to negotiate a drug test? I don't do drugs so I'm not concerned about passing; I only care about the specimen type. I just want to find a job without giving up my privacy and dignity. :banghead:
Oh, and maybe to some people it would seem that I'm the only one making a big deal out of this, but I'm really not. I would have gone through with it in June had my dad not decided to say what he said. I just can't deal with my family's invasion. Even if they don't talk about it, I can tell they're still thinking about it and I just can't deal with the humiliation.

 

[Ereth]

I've just recently entered the job market, but I can tell you that I would talk to someone about your feelings regarding this issue. It's unlikely that you can avoid such tests nowadays, especially in certain fields, but I think you'll be able to find some way to cope if you get the right help.

Best wishes.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I hate to tell you, but there are tests for stool collection too. I don't know what your dad said to you, but I hope you get a change of mind. Urine tests are done for multiple reasons (especially in the hospital setting) from looking for infections to kidney function. I actually brought it up to a supervisor about hospital employees and how they should be drug tested annually since we are handling narcotics so much. I only got tested when applying for the job (11 yrs ago). To this day, they still don't drug test - even though there have been several ER nurses, an ER doctor and several floor nurses fired after suspicions of narcotic use and their refusal to be urine drug tested. Any respectable job is going to at least drug test job applicants. It's even been discussed by Congress to start drug testing welfare and unemployment. With the job market as bad as it is (amongst other reasons for urine testing), I hope you change your views regarding urine. After all, it's just another bodily fluid.

 

[Christy]

I know in my industry (in Australia) they require full medical checks to be done. While I don't have an issue doing this, I do have an issue with my employer (who has no medical training and no human resources training) keeping this in their records. I know other people have gotten around this issue by having the tests done by their personal doctors and having their doctors provide a summary of the results to the employer indicating their are no issues. Perhaps you could get the tests done and provide copies of the certificates to the potential employers? That way you only have to do it once, and if there is an equivalent that provides the same results (i.e. hair instead of urine), then you can pay for that yourself.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I don't mind being tested, I just want to be tested differently. Hair is more accurate than urine, and I'd be willing to pay for it. Blood is less accurate but I'd still give that.
But I wouldn't even mind being urine tested if my family weren't involved. Once I'm out on my own it won't be such a big deal and I'll be able to get any job, because the only other people involved will be the ones at the lab that I'll never see again. It's easy to say what you guys say when you don't have a family like mine. I've been forced to accompany them to public restrooms because they thought I was "holding it in" and risking my health otherwise, when in reality I just didn't need to, and I've been given lectures about it. Imagine your family constantly talking about your bathroom habits! Wouldn't being prudish about urine be a normal result of all this? Or isn't it...?

 

[Flinty]

Unfortunately, America is so tilted to the employers it isn't funny.

Maybe you need to teach your family what is and is not appropriate conversation material. Quality and quantity of excretions is not. It can't make things worse, is how I'm seeing it.

 

[wyverary]

This is interesting, as the drug tests I've taken for employment have all been via saliva. I didn't even know that urine testing was required by ANYONE. Especially the big corporations tend to have strict drug policies in place. My current company doesn't have a drug testing policy, even though it's part of a fairly large chain...but then again, the kinds of people they tend to attract as employees, they probably can't be too picky as to who's on what drugs, heh.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I think they do know that, Flinty, but they seem to think it's okay as long as they're only talking about themselves and their own kid and there are no strangers that they feel the need to make a good impression on around.
Oh wyverary, I envy you so much. If you don't mind my asking, where do you work?

 

[Judge]

I just want to find a job without giving up my privacy and dignity.

In which case your job search will always be dictated by an employer's drug testing policies.

The bad news: In this economy that's bound to limit your options. Don't look for exceptions to corporate policies. Any job involving employee fidelity concerns is likely to involve mandatory drug testing. That's a liability exposure for them to avoid.

The good news: Know a potential employer's policies ahead of time and in detail to establish an optimal comfort level.

 

[umbrellabeach]

In which case your job search will always be dictated by an employer's drug testing policies.

Not always, just as long as I live with my parents. As I said before, I wouldn't mind a urine test if my family weren't so involved, because the only people there will be me and the people at the lab to whom I'm just another testee and I'm never going to see again. I don't know how much clearer I can make that.

Anyway, I sent an inquiring e-mail to my local library branch last night and got a reply this morning saying that as best as the replyer knows, they don't drug test their applicants, so I will probably apply there. I'd love to work at a library, anyway. My first time applying for a job was at the library in my old city, but they weren't hiring, so I got one at a grocery store instead.

 

[Judge]

As I said before, I wouldn't mind a urine test if my family weren't so involved, because the only people there will be me and the people at the lab to whom I'm just another testee and I'm never going to see again. I don't know how much clearer I can make that.

Anyway, I sent an inquiring e-mail to my local library branch last night and got a reply this morning saying that as best as the replier knows, they don't drug test their applicants, so I will probably apply there.

Are you legally a minor? That would explain a great deal about your parents, for better and for worse.

There's a threshold in time where they should inherently respect your privacy and space, short of them leveraging your lodging. Which can regrettably happen...but there are no guarantees along such lines. That I get, if that's the case.

However even then it still sounds like you've rationalized to only seek jobs without drug testing by your own words. But is that so bad if that's the case under the present circumstances? Not everyone tests...so it's up to you to determine those prospects for employment.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Are you legally a minor? That would explain a great deal about your parents, for better and for worse.

There's a threshold in time where they should inherently respect your privacy and space, short of them leveraging your lodging. Which can regrettably happen...but there are no guarantees along such lines. That I get, if that's the case.

However even then it still sounds like you've rationalized to only seek jobs without drug testing by your own words. But is that so bad if that's the case under the present circumstances? Not everyone tests...so it's up to you to determine those prospects for employment.

No, I'm 20. And yeah, you think my parents would be more respectful of stuff like this by this time, but they're not. They think they can ask and say anything just because I'm their offspring. That's why I've decided to take a stand and avoid drug testing, or at least urine testing (blood or hair is perfectly acceptable to me) for now. To me, it really is that bad, so I can't wait to get out on my own. But the library looks pretty good right now. I'm surprised that the guy who replied to me said they don't test, because everyone around here works for the government and they're pretty strict so I figured they would all test.

 

[Judge]

No, I'm 20. And yeah, you think my parents would be more respectful of stuff like this by this time, but they're not. They think they can ask and say anything just because I'm their offspring. That's why I've decided to take a stand and avoid drug testing, or at least urine testing (blood or hair is perfectly acceptable to me) for now. To me, it really is that bad, so I can't wait to get out on my own. But the library looks pretty good right now. I'm surprised that the guy who replied to me said they don't test, because everyone around here works for the government and they're pretty strict so I figured they would all test.

Ok...so you're in what I'd call the proverbial rock and a hard place. Parents being unreasonable because in their minds they can. Some parents can be reasoned with while others think you are their property, no matter how old you get. I get that.

Yep, stick to doing your homework about places that don't require such testing. But also try to find out if they ever do random post-employment testing as well. Cover all your bases.

I know someone who worked for a health insurer for a number of years who never had any such testing. Then one day they dumped the news on him. He took the test knowing full well he'd fail it, and he was terminated in two days after the results. At least you're in a non-right-to-work state.

 

[umbrellabeach]

That's too bad. I don't do drugs so I know I'd pass... I'm just mad that employers don't give applicants a choice about their sample. I believe we should all have the right to choose, even if it means paying for it ourselves, and IMO they shouldn't do post-employment testing unless they have a reason to suspect that someone's on drugs.

 

[Judge]

That's too bad. I don't do drugs so I know I'd pass... I'm just mad that employers don't give applicants a choice about their sample. I believe we should all have the right to choose, even if it means paying for it ourselves, and IMO they shouldn't do post-employment testing unless they have a reason to suspect that someone's on drugs.

With those sentiments (nothing wrong with them) just be aware of how limited your rights as a potential employee might be if you should seek employment on the other side of the Potomac River. Virginia is a "right-to-work" state.

 

[Spinning Compass]

My employer does routine drug screening on all new hires and randomly on already hired people. For some reason, I've never been selected. They used to do urine but I have heard it is now a cheek swab.

I don't understand why your parents have to stick their noses in it; in fact, I do believe that is ILLEGAL under HIPAA. You could politely point out to them that as a 20-year-old, there are some things that are legally none of their business any more. However, I understand that it does take a lot of backbone to stand up to someone when you are dependent on them because I've been there myself.

Therefore: If they want to hear all the gory details, then give it to them. In spades. Be as creative and as nauseating as you possibly can. Exaggerate quality, quantity, odor, color. I'm sure a quick tour of Google will provide you with all the information you need on urine and feces. You could even add in vomit if you want. I work in a medical field so anyone who ever wanted to play that game with me would soon be very sorry that they ever asked.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Thanks Judge, I'll keep that in mind. But again, I'll be okay with any test once my parents are out of the picture. It's much worse for them to be involved than law people or lab people, to whom I'm no personal relation. Although I'll always believe in an employee's right to choose, when I'm on my own I'll still submit to a urine test if I have to - but as long as I am with my parents I'll stay within my current boundaries. I don't think we're moving again anytime soon, but I could be wrong because life is unpredictable and I thought the same thing in our old house.
Illegal? Really? That's great news. Well, I guess I can't stop them from thinking about it, but stopping them from talking about it is almost as good. I'll definitely use that against them in the future if I have to. But... um I don't think I'll tell them gory details. Even if it's made up, I prefer to keep as much info like that to myself as possible.

 

[Judge]

Thanks Judge, I'll keep that in mind. But again, I'll be okay with any test once my parents are out of the picture.

I think that speaks volumes. Your issue is ultimately your parents- not drug testing. Hang in there. The day will come when you leave the nest, and without having to severe all ties with overly-concerned parents. Make a plan- and create the conditions to sustain such financial independence. It might cause other hardships, but that's when you have to weigh them against living at home with your folks.

Hint: Find potential roommates in the same predicament. Nothing wrong with pooling resources when you and others have to.

 

[Spinning Compass]

It sounds like your parents have some major boundary issues. I'm a bit confused--are they going in with you when you are getting tested, or do they simply want to know the results?
If the first, I am very surprised that the testers allow that. In the second case, it really is none of their business whatsoever. If you don't want to go the gross-them-out route, which I understand, then simply keep repeating that it is none of their business and that you do have the right to privacy as an adult. Maybe you might even consider finding a trusted ally in the medical field who can explain things to your parents in language that they understand.

I am curious. What do you think would happen if you simply told them every time the subject came up that it was legally none of their business and refused to provide any details whatsoever? "Mom. Dad, this is my own private business and I refuse to discuss it further." Are you afraid that they might retaliate in some way? Either way, I do agree that it is probably time to cut ties and move out.

 

[Spinning Compass]

I am also wondering, whether it might not be a good idea to see if there is someone in your area who can advocate for you and your rights. Someone who can tell your parents in no uncertain terms that they are stepping over some major boundaries and heading into legal hot water. You aren't five years old. You are--at least in my state--a legal adult and you do have rights. I am not sure who you would go to and how much actual freedom you have, but I would start with community mental health or disability advocates. It sounds like some intervention is in order.