I'm moving, and I'm scared.

[umbrellabeach]

My family and I are moving soon because there are so many bullies and otherwise dangerous people where we currently live. We know where we're going, but we don't know when, because the house we're moving into is currently occupied and we have to wait a few months or so until the couple living in it move out.
I'm excited to get out of the wretched, stagnant place we've been living in for the past seven years. I'm excited to set up my new room, which has a dormer and a walk-in closet. But, like the title says, I'm also scared - scared of people. Since we'll be new, and my dad will be the associate pastor of the church we'll live next to, we will get a lot of attention - a "big warm welcome" as most call it. That's fine for my parents, but I'm incredibly shy and the last thing I want is to be made a fuss over. Not to mention I can't stand people staring at me! And if I tell anyone I'm shy, they just laugh. Shyness seems to be nothing more than a big joke to them.
Another thing is that I'll be expected to make new friends, but after all I've been through - any friends I do manage to make almost always drift away after a while, and then there are those so-called friends from my old church getting mad and attacking us for petty little disagreements (it was so bad that my mom carried a taser to church for a while). Even the people I thought were most trustworthy joined the hate trend. We even found out that a lot of them are criminals helping each other cover up their sins. Although I don't think every new person I meet will turn out to be like that, I still don't want to get close to anyone, because most people don't seem to value a friendship as much as I do. We have a great time for a few weeks or months and then they start hanging out with their other (neurotypical) friends, or go away to college if they're around my age, and pretty much forget about me. This has even happened with someone who used to be my very closest friend. I don't think it's worth it to put all the effort into making friends when I know it's just going to end like that.
As much as I wish I could be known for who I am as a person, I've realized that most people don't want to build such a deep relationship, and are content just gawking over the labels (some of mine would be pastor's daughter and high school graduate). No one ever seems to care about character or thoughts, and if I were to try to reveal mine, I'd probably be laughed at, taken advantage of or otherwise disrespected. It's happened before. Considering that and my lack of trust toward most people, I don't want to even try to show my true self. I'd rather just remain an enigma, so I'm just going to be quiet and detached. However, I get the feeling that while doing so, I seem cold and misanthropic. While I want to sequester myself, I don't want people to think I hate them, because I don't hate anyone.

Basically, my questions are:
1) How do I avoid getting stared at and fussed over as much as I can?
2) How do I protect myself without appearing cold, bitter, and hateful of everyone?

I feel just like Helga Pataki, except she already has an established mean image, and I don't, nor do I want one. (In truth, she doesn't really want hers either.)

 

[Bay]

Ugh. What an unfortunate set of circumstances you face! I know that I would have a great deal trouble dealing with it. So much scrutiny. I'm sorry for your situation.

I have a set of "scripts" that I use for situations such as this, like a new job, although I have never faced anything of the magnitude that you now face. I suppose I would use my scripts and nod and smile a lot. It sounds as though you are likely to have such scripts already, after a lifetime of socializing without much choice. If you will be expected to perform community service of some kind (some churches strongly encourage this), perhaps volunteering at a library, away from the congregation, will provide you with some respite in a relatively quiet and not-very-social environment. Please let us know how it goes!

 

[umbrellabeach]

Scripts... yes, that's a good idea. I suppose I could simply stay off to the side in social situations, but answer nicely (and concisely) if someone does try to talk to me and ask questions, while trying not to have a real conversation. My problem is that when someone does try to get to know me, I tend to open right up and spill everything. It's a bad habit I need to break. I admit to often being lonely, lonely for a quality friend that I could talk to openly and completely trust, so I suppose that's why, but I need to stop spilling my guts to everyone who talks to me because I've realized that most people are just trying to be polite and don't actually care (especially when they ask the dreaded "How are you?").
I do it on here, sometimes, like I'm doing in this thread, but I figure it's okay since no one here knows my real identity, and if we ran into each other in real life, they wouldn't know who I am, or even that I'm on here, unless I told them. (It's a shame that so many people [ab]use that online anonymity to cyberbully.)

 

[NeverEnder]

I am moving, too, and am scared (For somewhat different reasons).

An agency and the State I live in, New Jersey, has assisted me in finding a new apartment. I already looked at the place-- it is nice.

My fears surround moving from the person I am currently living with and how much I will be getting to see her. That frightens me greatly as we are best friends and depend on each other very much.

I don't know what to do-- It scares me tremendously and I will be living all alone. I have not lived alone in over ten years. I am afraid of having panic attacks and being very lonely. Not being able to cope.

I am almost giving up on moving (Which everyone is encouraging me against). I feel lost and yes, frightened, overall :{

 

[smith2267]

Have a trusted family member select your clothes, that way you at least won't get stared at for that. Aspie fashion sense is non existent

 

[umbrellabeach]

Thanks, Smith, but I don't think my clothes have anything to do with it... At work, even though I'm wearing the same uniform as all my coworkers, I still get stared at a lot. On my days off I usually wear jeans, a T-shirt and a hoodie and I'm pretty sure that's a normal outfit for someone around my age. I don't know why people stare at me, they just do.
I'm sorry to hear that, NeverEnder. I'm bummed about leaving the one good friend I have here, but I think I've lost too many friends before for this to depress me as much as it should. After all, we're still friends and we'll still talk through e-mail, just not hang out anymore. Anyway, I've never been in your situation but I think I can imagine how you feel. I wish I had some advice for you.

 

[Jacki Cucinotta]

For your first question, I would try to look around town and see if there are any activities going on around town that you might like to join. I am sure there will be some people who share similar interests as you do. Also, I would try to make eye contact with others. Another thing I would try to do is find a support group or someone who can help you cope with what you are feeling.

As for your second question, I would try to engage with others, but let them know how you feel if you start to feel like they are making you uncomfortable; do this with courtesy (i.e., "I don't mean to sound offensive, but this topic is making me feel a little uncomfortable. Could we talk about something else or can we talk some other time?").

Hope this advice helps, and I wish you best of luck with everything.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Wouldn't both of those things mean attention and bonding with people? I'm sorry but that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I don't want to socialize, but sometimes I'll have to, and when I do, my goal is to keep myself as hidden as possible. If I don't get close to people, and they don't know the true me, they can't hurt me so easily. Even if they don't intentionally hurt me, they'll still drift away. I don't see the point of trying to talk to people and make friends knowing it's not going to last.

 

[umbrellabeach]

We're leaving a week from today... oh boy.
Another thing I'm worried about is being laughed at. Where I currently live, everyone who doesn't know me well (especially middle-aged to old people) laughs at me when I say something completely serious and obviously not funny at all. Why do they do this, and is there any way I can get the fact that I'm serious across? I'm convinced that if anyone in our new place laughs at me when I don't want them to, I'll just end up slapping and screaming at them. That's what I feel like doing whenever I think about the whole laughing thing.
Some people say that people laugh at serious things to lighten the mood or whatever, but if I'm serious about something, I don't want that mood lightened just so the superficial people who don't want to really think about anything are comfortable!
I have no respect for anyone who doesn't take me seriously, no matter who or how old they are. If these people are so set in their hopes of "getting to know me," whatever they mean by that, and yet laugh at everything I say, they have absolutely no chance with me. They barely have a chance as it is, with the crap I've already been through via other people, so I probably won't let anyone in our new place get to know me even if they don't laugh at me, but I still don't want them to laugh at me.