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i'm drug addicted aspi girl

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by convallaria, Apr 1, 2021.

  1. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I hope you can get help, keeping away from people who take the drugs is a good idea.
     
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  2. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    The first step is admitting it. Yes, you’re in a bad situation right now, but it’s not necessarily hopeless. Stopping is something you can do, but you need to want it and you need to have the proper tools. And even if you are 100% motivated and have everything going for you, you’re gonna have moments of relapse. That’s okay. You’re human. Just get back on that horse.

    Anyway. I’ve been at a point in my life where I dropped out of med school due to severe depression, I lost my flat because I couldn’t work due to the same depression, I wasn’t eligible for therapy because according to government quizzes I wasn’t depressed enough to have it covered by health care. Basically I was stuck in a negative feedback loop. My escape? Drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. In my case mostly vodka and cocaine. Which I couldn’t afford, but the people on whose couch I was staying were big party people and didn’t mind supplying me.

    Anyway, it’s a tricky cycle to get out of and the only reason I managed to do so was because my depression got so bad I got sent to emergency services (and thus my health care provider started covering it).

    Then when my depression got better I managed to find a job, which gave me a reason to be sober because I wanted to be able to afford my own place.

    When I was able to afford my own place I was more motivated to be sober, because I wanted to get back into med school.

    And when I got back into med school and became a medical doctor, I was extremely motivated to be sober because I didn’t want to mess up.

    But. I got fired from my job last spring because I was on sick leave for a while due to another depression, about the same time the first COVID lockdown started. So was my boyfriend. Both stuck at home day and night with nothing to do? Oh yeah, relapse. We burned through all of our savings in a few months and almost got evicted. Had to borrow money from our parents to be able to keep the flat. I’ve been sober (and employed) for five months now, my boyfriend is still struggling with both.

    My story doesn’t necessarily help you, but I want to tell you you’re not alone.

    Something that helped me is free online treatment programs where you keep a diary. The upside is that you don’t have to interact with other people and it’s free. The downside is that there’s no external motivators, you have to do it by yourself. Best of luck whichever path you choose :)
     
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  3. phantom

    phantom Member

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    I have heard before that mdma makes you feel like you don't have autism.

    My sister has been abusing drugs all her live and has developed a drug induced psychosis, i suspect that she is undiagnosed on the spectrum and has been coping with drugs.
     
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  4. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Great news. Another sucess story at this forum . So impressed.
     
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  5. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I am sorry to hear about your sister. I hope she can get a diagnosis. She is not alone, I abused drugs to cope with strange shameful symptoms that I now know to be autism and am no longer ashamed.
    I had amphetamine psychosis, scariest illness I have ever had in my life.
    My psychosis didn't last long, I was hospitalised and observed.
    I didn't believe I was psychotic, I thought everyone else was not seeing what I was.
    When I took speed after hospital, I got it again, but I then realised I had been psychotic after all.
    As if that wasn't enough, I still took it for years later, then, suddenly, went off it because the speed we get here in the UK absolutely stinks. The smell put me off and I haven't done it for years.
    As for MDMA, I did pills, they opened up channels that should never have been opened, they were psychedelic for me, my companions had the same pills but a different reaction to me.
    I loved them though, and LSD, because they falsely made me happy, a sign I was unhappy.
     
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  6. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit "..experience moments of happiness."

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    Hello. I hope you get well soon. In USA we call drug addict sick, like an ill person. It is a better way to learn about the truth of it.
    There are better ways to live. There is always hope, where life remains. Drug people are not good friends. Good friends love you and want you to be well. Now here is the hope part, you learned something important. You can have a better life with the right medicine, treatment and care. Of all the drug people the meth people are the worst. They lie and steal and hurt people, for money and because the drug makes people crazy. Its going to be ok. Be careful. Lets talk about what a good friend is and does?
     
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  7. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit "..experience moments of happiness."

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    Pretty picture for you, with hope 20210111_094506.jpg
     
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  8. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Of course if you are addicted, you will want it every day.

    It is possible that Pregbalin might just be a useful drug for some autism symptoms. Something to discuss further with whoever proscribed it. I assumed that's how you met up with it. I found that MDMA did that sort of thing for me, it just didn't last very long. It left me feeling extremely sensual without being sexual. Hence the dancing.

    Why? I never felt ashamed. Still don't. You didn't hurt anyone and it felt good. Why the shame? Shame is such a useless emotion. Let it go.

    You did quit. A month now, you said. And you didn't do it in a hospital. You need to let go of that pain and you need to fill the empty spot. Fill it with action towards a driving dream you can't let go of. Of course, that is easier said than done.

    Then remember that and never ask him to do evil for you again.

    That is possible. Clinics make money off their patients. So do doctors. They don't care if you pay, your parents pay or the government pays. Joining a convent might be just as effective.

    WRT speed and the mind. Doing a lot of speed for a long time will leave you paranoid in a way that is not readily fixed. It mucks with your brain cells and neurotransmitters. I knew a lovely kind young girl who did speed for a couple of years almost nonstop. She was able to do it because she was kind and beautiful (at least until the speed had ravaged her) and boys would buy her anything she wanted. They'd give it to her without her asking. I kind of fell for her too.

    She became emaciated. She started getting paranoid, said her BF was listening to her through her stereo speakers. Hallucinating voices. Slurring her speech. I don't know if she ever came clean. It was very sad. I didn't get her any drugs but there didn't seem to be a lot I could do for her. It is called Amphetamine psychosis and it doesn't go away until a long time while after you stop using.
     
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  9. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Fortunately, I've never needed AA or NA, though I was told by one person, one time, that I did. It was one of those dancing naked times. :p Their problem, not mine.

    The part that would fail for me is the dependence on a "higher power." That wouldn't cut it for me. There is no higher power. If I don't do it because I need to - and my loved ones need me to - it isn't getting done.

    I also don't think any of the common 12 step programs have a clue about autism and its stresses. It isn't something you can talk out. The NTs would likely not understand and might not even listen.
     
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  10. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Please excuse the derail.
    What is this beautiful picture?
    I am also currently detoxing from a drug.
     
  11. convallaria

    convallaria Well-Known Member

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    i will think about it. and i dont knw much about CBD but i will try to find it.
    he is not iterested in quiting... i dont know how to convince him! he is using drugs like 4-5 years already. and he quited once when he dated another girl. this is hurts. he quited for her but wont do it for me.
    this what i think about at nights! but i wast happy before drugs and i dont know what way to choose because everything will lead me to unknown future. alone and in depression or always high with my boyfriend.
    and i dont know what I am and what is my destination. maybe i do something because i copy my friends behavior like i always do and in this infinity copying i totally lose me. im sorry its hard to describe this feeling. but you are so right! like medium
    i want to be a wtiter but i am talented and motivated enough to do it. it need a lot of work to earn money by doing something i like. so i am working just to make money on survivng.
    and NA sounds cool maybe i can make friends in group. but its terryffing to talk with people without drugs. im like stupid robot or even potato...
     
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  12. convallaria

    convallaria Well-Known Member

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    this is very inspiring and motivating story. but its so sad that depression came back to you in the end. what diary? and you were medical student too! did you choose it by yourself?
    im sorry about your sister but its right. mdma not only makes you like you dont have autism but also give you euphoria that you never felt before and everything is nice etc but its like for 3-4 hours max...
    okay lets talk about it. anyway i need adequate opinion and support (not pressure)
    cool picture by the way. lsd?
    same situation!
    so sad story about the girl. i started like that. they just gave me drugs like presents untill i became addict.

    thank you everyone :sob:you are all so kind and caring
     
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  13. VictorR

    VictorR Random Member V.I.P Member

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    For many neurodiverse individuals, and especially for autistic women, copying others (be they actual persons they know, TV personalities/characters, or fictional characters from novels) is often a way of coping with the social challenges we face, leading to masking of who we really are. While it is a survival technique, it can lead to burn-out and more serious issues in the long run. If you do an internet search on women/girls and masking you'll come across a lot of commentary from lots of individuals on the topic - perhaps you might find something useful.
     
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  14. convallaria

    convallaria Well-Known Member

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    yes i wathed a lot of videos about it. but no one said how to stop copying... even my therapist (neurologist who diagnosted me as aspie) thought i was sociopath or thransgender because i was copying my father and male friends.
     
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  15. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    This is great that you opened up about everything. Copying is somewhat normal for our *tribe*. l did it but without the guilt trips. You will try different things and you will assimilate until they become you. It's not so bad to copy, its what the cavemen did. The more you mature, you slowly develop your being, thru struggles and for us on the spectrum the youngest years are the hardest. If you can crawl, scratch, and hold on, you will get past this. But you have to promise to do one good thing everyday to get to the better you. That means find a part-time job, find free counseling for why you feel depressed, sign up for a class, ask for help. Enlist your boyfriend, tell him what you have said here. If he truly cares for you, then you can make changes together. The hardest step, weaning off the addiction. You have to want to be better to stop.And he needs to be on the same page or you have to do it on your own. I walked away from it. I survived. You will be so proud of yourself. Can you think of what you can do today?
     
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  16. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    Yeah. I have since found out I have bipolar disorder, so I know I probably haven’t seen my last depression. I get better at dealing with them each time though.

    The diary I referred to was sort of a journal you keep each day as part of a treatment program. You write down your mood, important events, whether you wanted to take drugs and/or alcohol, how you felt when you wanted to do that, whether you ended up doing it and how you felt afterwards. The idea is to help identify triggers and help you deal with cravings by studying the thought processes behind them. It’s rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy. It was a good tool for me to help me quit, but your mileage may vary.

    As for med school, yeah, I chose it myself. I’ve always been fascinated by how the human body works, it’s so amazingly complex. It’s a walking, talking puzzle to me, really :) Did your parents choose that path for you, or was it your own choice?
     
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  17. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit "..experience moments of happiness."

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    Its found material, as colagè. A calendar page and a sacred mandala drawing. Its hard ti get a straight pic with the fone. Its for meditation
     
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  18. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit "..experience moments of happiness."

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    No pressure just tru telling and well meant support. Now that you learned about drugs, the truth is street drugs are horrible. Street dope is made by druggies out of crap thats toxic. It causes brain damage and organ failure(among other things) how about if you took drugs from a doctor? Made by people who washed thier hands that day?
     
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  19. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Or no drugs at all? Just dealing with life one day at a time. l find running or jogging helps reset my brain. Perhaps some type of exercise?
     
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  20. convallaria

    convallaria Well-Known Member

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    This post made me to think. A lot of thoughts in my head just blowing my mind... I said him and he is sceptical about this. He does not believe that he can cure addiction by any of methods. But i believe in it. And i dont know what good things i can do everyday... Now im stopped doing hard drugs like amphetamine and im just using pregabalin pills. it makes me full of energy to do normal things like cooking, shopping, talking to people. I finally quit my job today and tomorrow i must go to new job in post station. mostly working with papers. And if i ditch my boyfriend i think i will be in huge depression like i lost love of my life and everything will be boring and sad again and its hard to find meaning in that boring life...
    Diary sounds cool. I tried and describing emotions is the hardest thing in it and make me depressed.
    Yes, my parents wanted it and i tried to study because i didnt want to disappoint them.
    Yeah, i have pills that prescribed to me by doctor but that pills make me feel like sleeping stupid potato and i dont want to anything at all... maybe i should gain some money on another doctor
     
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