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i'm drug addicted aspi girl

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by convallaria, Apr 1, 2021.

  1. convallaria

    convallaria Well-Known Member

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    Hello everyone.
    Maybe someone remember me. I struggled with social communication all my life and i was diagnosted when i was 18 years old. I was a student in medical university and i am sorry for my mistakes english is not my first language. I dropped out of the university 2 years ago and started finding job. But i failed this mission. So i entered another university because my parents were crazy about my helpless and lazy person in their house. It was easy to entered but hard to study and again communication. I also didnt like the classes. I didnt want it and... I escaped to the fish factory that located in the far far away island. In october 2020 i returned to my home and it was terrible. In the factory i made a few friends and they like my strange nature. I was so excited about it and i started to live with them in their house. Then i tried drugs first time in my life... now im 22 and im drug addict. when I sniff amphetamine I feel like I'm becoming a normal person. when i smoke weed i feel that there are no problems. I like pictures from LSD trips. I think pregabalin makes me neurotypical. mdma makes life not as awful as it really is.
    And this all cost me a lot of money. My boyfriend (i met him in october) also addicted to drugs and i forced him to buy stuff and we spend all our money. I also met psychotherapist and he said that im addict and have depression. I just want to share my problem and hear some support. Maybe someone has simillar problem. I think drugs ruined my youth.
     
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  2. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    I am not a professional on the field of addiction.

    All I can say is do not knock 12-stepping until after you give it an honest shot first. It saved my skin from my addictions.
     
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  3. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi, welcome back, sounds like you have had a difficult time? Are you getting help with your addictions?
     
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  4. convallaria

    convallaria Well-Known Member

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    i dont know what is 12-stepping. :cry:
    nope. doctor said just quit drugs :neutral: like its easy. i know it. and also he offered hospitalization in clinic but i cant. i must go to the job and make money to survive... sometimes i dont want to live because i dont have enough money on basic things like food.
     
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  5. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    12-Stepping is “Anonymous” recovery groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, etc.
     
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  6. convallaria

    convallaria Well-Known Member

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    oh i know about it but its like... i must talk with people in this groups and without drugs i cant do it.
     
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  7. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    22 is still plenty young, speak to a drugs/alcohol counsellor (govt ones are usually free) about what is available in your area, that's affordable for you - govt rehab is often low cost. Even just the early steps you've made in talking to a doc about it is good and you should give yourself a pat on the back for doing that.
     
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  8. Finder

    Finder Active Member

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    I wish you well. I think you have taken the right first step. It will not be an easy path, but not solving you problem will be far harder in the long run.
     
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  9. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Ok. The amp
    OK. Amphetamines are very addicting. The rest of the drugs may be habituating but nothing like doing speed.

    Pregabalin is an anti-seizure med sometimes used for fibromyalgia. Not sure how that makes you neurotypical. It does slow down certain neural impulses that are involved in seizures and nerve pain. So that is a possible mechanism. I know the aspie in me will start bubbling over if I focus too closely on something that's a special interest. Maybe the mental bubbling has some neural activity to share with a seizure because once it starts it is almost impossible for me to stop until someone shuts me down.
    Pregabalin Uses, Side Effects & Warnings - Drugs.com

    When I was young I did everything you did except the pregabalin. I danced around naked on MDMA and LSD, flew high on 'shrooms and stupefied myself with pot whenever I could get them. Speed was the only time I felt really alive and awake.

    It did not destroy me nor did it particularly damage me but the legal and pharmacological risks were always there. I didn't get addicted to the speed, probably because I couldn't afford it often enough. Never felt the need to steal or break the bank on it. Eventually, I got bored with it all. Did 6 years in the military, then worked for several years in a classified area in aerospace. These things are incompatible with drug use.

    Heavy drug use is self-medication. Easing the pain in life or filling an empty spot. The best anti-drug program I can think of is to let go of the pain and to find something in your life to fill the gap you were filling with the drugs. Letting go of the pain is more difficult than letting go of an addiction for many.

    You can walk away from it. You just have to want to. Twelve-step programs may be ok for some but they don't work for everyone.

    Lose the boyfriend. Anybody you can "make" steal for you is not your friend. If your therapist says you're addicted, maybe you are. But if all they have to say is "just don't do it" maybe you need a replacement there too.
     
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  10. Major Tom

    Major Tom Searching for ground control... V.I.P Member

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    All I can say is I understand, and wish you good luck. You can quit, but it's very hard and your life will never be the same. It's hard to find enjoyment in life anymore after prolonged amphetamine use. They change your brain chemistry and literally nothing feels the same as it once did.

    That being said, being alive and not in prison or a mental hospital is a good thing. Best of luck!
     
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  11. SimonSays

    SimonSays Time is an illusion I seem to have a lot of V.I.P Member

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    Sniffing Amphetamines can't be good
    Pregabalin isn't something I know about, but if it's not prescribed, it's still full of big pharma side-effects.
    MDMA is being studied for its use therapeutically. Treats PTSD especially well.
    However, the benefit of Cannabis is something I do know about.
    Taking all the above, and whatever else you can get, together, will certainly mess with you, but if cannabis helps you, then to expect you to give up everything would be unnecessary.

    If this plant helps you to feel more 'normal' then if you were to let go of the others you could continue with it just as many find relief from its medicinal use.

    To feel you have to let everything go might be overwhelming. So if you had to use something, while letting go of the rest, I would choose Cannabis.
     
  12. convallaria

    convallaria Well-Known Member

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    thank you for replies and support. it is very inspiring :hearteyes:
    YES. i want it everyday but I have not used amphetamine for a month (progress :poutingcat:)
    about pregabalin... it makes me feel free from everyrhing, relaxing, i can talk to people, can do some work that i thought i can never do, and i am stopping stimming.
    i did it too :tearsofjoy: so ashamed
    sounds reasonable. so it's not necessary to hospitalize if i want to quit?
    i love him :sob::sob::sob:
    he is the only one who does not piss me off and with him I feel comfortable
    maybe he just wants me to be hospitalized in the clinic...
    oh no.
    I am currently growing cannabis. buying weed is expensive and illegal in our country so maybe i will become rasta farmer. :poutingcat:
     
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  13. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    CBD oil doesn't having the addicting quality of Cannabis and helps many people,I can tell you ,think about the 12 step program as it's good to not expect one person only, to be your all, it's too much for them ,all drugs for anxiety wear off ,antidepressants are only prescribed, in the description for short term relief ,you need to change after a couple of years ,I've tried different ones ,but you need help coming off them,I've stayed on the one I was prescribed but it doesn't work as well as it did.
    The 12 step program will give you a sponsor who has got off them
     
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  14. Trophonius

    Trophonius Well-Known Member

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    Drugs haven't ruined your youth, you're still young.

    If you're committed to stop using either both you and your boyfriend need to stop, or ditch the boyfriend. It will be impossible to quit drugs if your partners is still using them.

    I agree with KagamineLen suggestion of looking for a local support group like 12th step programs. You look for one online, or share your city to see if any member here can give you directions to one. If at some point you have some savings, the hospitalization route is best, because you will get to be off drugs in the shortest time possible, so they will turn you into a non-addict relatively fast and you can go on with your life. Doing it alone is harder, but it's still possible.
     
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  15. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Think it took a lot of guts to admit you have this problem. And that your partner also has a problem. Think quitting would be a promise between the 2 of you if you want to continue on in this relationship. Maybe this why you are bringing this up? Are you deciding if you should stay with someone when you are getting nowhere except to get high with them? If you both didn't get high, would this relationship still be important to you?
    Is time to quit this lifestyle? It can become boring as life is passing you by. Not mention drug overdose, arrest record, and behaviors that can take over like stealing, prostitution, constantly looking for the high or next dollar. It does turn into a shallow existence with no room for growing and maturing into a beautiful person that l know YOU can be. How do you feel about things right now and do you wish to discuss this?
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2021
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  16. The Pandector

    The Pandector Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    A sticky wicket there with the boyfriend. The relationship could either help or derail your sobriety as well as his. Maybe you could start out with the determination to make as much of the journey as possible with him, but to finish alone if you have to. If he’s not interested in quitting, ditch that anchor because you’re both treading water.

    I hope you come out together, but mostly I hope you come out.
     
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  17. Major Tom

    Major Tom Searching for ground control... V.I.P Member

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    Anyone that gives you meth is NOT your friend as well. They have a reason for doing it. Ditch them too. Anyone associated with it. They'll just lead you down the road to nowhere.
     
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  18. Nervous Rex

    Nervous Rex High-functioning autistic V.I.P Member

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    If you don't want to talk in a group, find one person that you can talk to and that can support you in recovering. If you are honest when you talk to one person, you can recover.

    Talking to people is the smallest part of the 12-step programs. The real work is learning to follow the steps in your daily life.
     
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  19. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You're not alone.
    I started booze at 15 and drugs at 28.
    Cannabis, ecstasy, speed, LSD, Opiod pills, benzodiazepines, sleepers and Pregabalin. Oh! and nicotine, from cigarettes, to vapes to nicotine replacement therapy.
    You can do it, I'm reducing valium, more than two thirds of the way from my highest dose, trying to reduce nicotine as well, doing slow but steady.

    Find out what you enjoy, and earn money that way.
    I don't work, my ideal job would be artist, writer, photographer, counsellor,
    Be thankful for the small things we take for granted.

    You will never be happy doing what you don't like doing and being with people you don't like being with.
    Warm welcome to the forums.
     
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  20. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I've tried NA, I only quit because I wanted help with benzodiazepines and the others were on other drugs, but it suits some people.
    They also don't look at the pain that is at the root of drug taking, if drug taking is troublesome, there is pain at the root.
    They support each other though, you can make friends, and motivate each other to get off.
     
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