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I'm confused I don't even know if I have friends or acquaintances?

Tony Ramirez

Still single. Friends and acquaintances. Thankful.
V.I.P Member
After I felt more depressed after yoga due to an incident I texted my Thursday group and they all got back to me concerning and worried about me. Even that married woman said not to give up and come to lifegroup tonight.

I went to lifegroup tonight. They assured I was not alone. I have support. I had a good time as we talked and had snacks.

I also misread the text I got on Friday saying that they were sorry that they did not get back since the text did not discribe it. I was not that clear. So I am now even more confused.
 

Fino

Alex
V.I.P Member
People are inherently bad. This doesn't prevent people from putting an effort into being good. Because we are inherently bad, it often doesn't work out. Sometimes, it does work out. Some of us experience these two realities as a contradiction and become confused. I'm glad they got back to you.
 

SusanLR

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I wonder about the intentions of people also.
How many are honest in their words of true interest in others?
How many are acting empathy when actually they are caring only for what they can get from you?

I consider people I have contact with as aquaintances.
Watch the local news sometime and it's obvious if you listen to the words, the tone of voice, the facial expressions, just how much psychology is put into conveying
what they want you to think they feel.
It's their job.

Most people do the same.
They put on a good facade for themselves to appear caring and on that pedestal
of "Look at Me."
Time will prove or disprove which it is, I have found.
 

Suzanne

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I get that a lot. Texting to say ones miss me, but, then, virtually ignoring me, which confuses me so much. And now, I distrust when I get a text to say they miss me.

However, if they followered through with action, then I see that they want you to feel comfortable around them.

I believe that acquantances are ones who are friendly within the enironment they attend. Whereas friends, go beyond and have get togethers out side of that.
 

Slime_Punk

Power metal warrior
V.I.P Member
Most people are definitely looking for what they can receive not what they can give. It's pretty interesting though, that generally speaking, the more you're able to give, the more you're able to receive. Sometimes when we're looking for more friends or acquaintances, the best way is to figure out what we can offer them. Because otherwise it would be hypocritical to say that they haven't offered us anything if we haven't even tried first.
 

Hypnalis

Well-Known Member
@Tony Ramirez

There are many different levels in an individuals interactions with other people. And many different factors that influence relationships.

For example there's nothing wrong with a "transactional" relationship as long as both people are aware of it - most people have more of these than they have low-level personal relationships. But if one side misjudges the context of a transactional relationship, they will surely be disappointed sooner or later.

IMO this is one of those things HFA's are generally worse at handling than NT's due to what's functionally a "learning deficit", not a "capability deficit". That is, it wasn't learned at the same time as NT's learned it, but can probably be learned as an adult - something like learning to make an NT-compatible smile .
 

Rodafina

Hopefully Human
Staff member
V.I.P Member
Tony, I can understand the confusion because, as I said, trying to be friends with a group of people seems like an extremely complicated business.

But it sounds like you have an opportunity for learning here – miscommunication can lead to hurt feelings. It’s good that you were able to get some answers from the group and realize that maybe the initial call for help was misunderstood and it did not suggest anything about your worth in the group.

I would say take heart that these people offered support in the end. It sounds like they do care about you and consider you a real part of the group.
 

chincey_james

Active Member
I think it's important to remember that everyone is to some extent living in their own little world, including neurotypical folks. Everyone is fighting their own private battles and insecurities.
 

Tony Ramirez

Still single. Friends and acquaintances. Thankful.
V.I.P Member
Tony, I can understand the confusion because, as I said, trying to be friends with a group of people seems like an extremely complicated business.

But it sounds like you have an opportunity for learning here – miscommunication can lead to hurt feelings. It’s good that you were able to Get some answers from the group and realize that maybe the initial call for help was misunderstood and it did not suggest anything about your worth in the group.

I would say take heart that these people offered support in the end. It sounds like they do care about you and consider you a real part of the group.
Thanks. It's just when I talked to my therapist on Tuesday and my yoga teacher on Wednesday night i really threw them under the bus. I kind of fell sorry now. But when I speak to my therapist and teacher again I will say I overjudged too quickly.
 

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