I'm attracted to a 25yo lad with autism but there is a problem..

[Mr Allen]

People have been accusing me of being gay for years purely because I watch pro wrestling.

Contrary to popular opinion, and despite having never had a serious relationship with a human female, I am NOT, nor do I protest too much.

 

[Tom]

Disaster. Waiting. To. Happen. Sorry. About That. Blame Comic Book Guy. Seriously, its off on multiple levels and I don't mean Bi, Straight or Gay aspect. Your too old, you are breeching the mentor- pupil trust and taking advantage of person with a mental disability due to your likely great difference in maturity/street sense. Good on you for investigating first however. We all can get weird thoughts. What matters is what you act on.

 

[ikcdab]

Disaster. Waiting. To. Happen. Sorry. About That. Blame Comic Book Guy. Seriously, its off on multiple levels and I don't mean Bi, Straight or Gay aspect. Your too old, you are breeching the mentor- pupil trust and taking advantage of person with a mental disability due to your likely great difference in maturity/street sense. Good on you for investigating first however. We all can get weird thoughts. What matters is what you act on.

I'm certainly having weird thoughts! I am very grateful for the comments. As I said before, my head knows the answer, its convincing my heart which is the difficult thing. Ill reply more fully later.

 

[Judge]

I'm certainly having weird thoughts! I am very grateful for the comments. As I said before, my head knows the answer, its convincing my heart which is the difficult thing. Ill reply more fully later.

I suspect many of us do from time to time. But the trick being to never act on them. Impulsively or otherwise.

 

[Esa]

I'm certainly having weird thoughts! I am very grateful for the comments. As I said before, my head knows the answer, its convincing my heart which is the difficult thing. Ill reply more fully later.

By "heart" do you mean another part of your brain?
Also, I agree with Tom. It comes down to whether you act on those thoughts.

 

[Tom]

'Heart' when one sided is really self centered 'want'.

 

[watersprite]

This thread almost seems like click bait.
If I was the parent of the young man who is the subject of this person's desire, I'd call the police for a little assistance.
the op answered his own question in the title.

"...but there is a problem"

 

[AO1501]

...If I was the parent of the young man who is the subject of this person's desire, I'd call the police for a little assistance....

The young man referred to is 25 years old. Unless a ward of court or under a protective order, this is nothing whatsoever to do with his parents - or the law.

You may be right that the OP should already know the right answer to his question, but there is no reason to infer that his thoughts to date are unlawful, or a threat.

 

[Fitzo]

I suspect that part of this young mans attraction for you is that he probably has a child-like innocence and vulnerability. Many autistic people are mentally younger than their chronological age. If that is the case you are prepared to risk destroying his innocence for your own selfish interests. I don't call that love. I call that obsession.
Unhealthy, inappropriate and extremely destructive. For everyone's sake please desist.

 

[Tom]

The young man referred to is 25 years old. Unless a ward of court or under a protective order, this is nothing whatsoever to do with his parents - or the law.

You may be right that the OP should already know the right answer to his question, but there is no reason to infer that his thoughts to date are unlawful, or a threat.

Dealing with an NT/NT situation is one thing. 55 yr old NT with 25 yr old autistic is another. We can infer from description this is not overly mild case and there was some sort of program involved. Until we knew much more about the 25 yr old caution is the safest/smartest approach in my opinion.

 

[AO1501]

Dealing with an NT/NT situation is one thing. 55 yr old NT with 25 yr old autistic is another. We can infer from description this is not overly mild case and there was some sort of program involved. Until we knew much more about the 25 yr old caution is the safest/smartest approach in my opinion.

Sorry, but this is the internet, you can't infer anything with any reliability. You can only take what is posted as what there is. I think most who responded did exactly that, and provided the OP with plenty of good advice

 

[Tom]

Sorry, but this is the internet, you can't infer anything with any reliability. You can only take what is posted as what there is. I think most who responded did exactly that, and provided the OP with plenty of good advice

I'm sorry but this is creepy as hell and to hell with your legalese BS.

 

[Kirsty]

You could always pay a psychic to guide you on the right track and give you answers about how things will work out.

 

[garnetflower13]

I'm sorry but this is creepy as hell and to hell with your legalese BS.

I agree. I once lost a roommate because her married counselor was having an affair with her; she eventually committed suicide.

 

[onlything]

It definitely is complicated. It is also very hard for us to say, seeing as even if we're on the same spectrum, we're still on a spectrum and we're different people. What I know for sure is that we value honesty, so telling your wife would be a correct course of action. Give yourself and her a place to explore the rest of your lives and find love elsewhere. About him...

Honestly, I'm not sure about his reaction. I know that many Aspie/Auti people are not exactly fond of sexual intercouses, or of bodily fictions at all, though we do long for connection with people. I would be definitely distressed in his place, betrayed as well but due to some circumstances my experience would surely be different than his. About love - if he feels it, he may not know it himself. Hints won't work from my experience. If you want to really let him know, you need to be straightforward and give him time and space afterwards. Assure him that it doesn't have to change anything and that you don't expect anything from him. It may turn out fine... it may not. It depends fully on him and you not being pushy. We can be like birds, easy to scare off.

This is what can happen and you have to answer yourself if it's okay for you. Don't make him do anything. Don't push him. If he wants, he will come on his own.

And don't expect sex because it may not happen at all. Many ASD people are fully asexual or even overwhelmed(anxiety, panic attacks, meltdowns) by the smallest touch. As such, answer yourself if this kind of relationship would be possible on your side or if it's nothing more but sexual attraction. If it's the latter, leave him be.

 

[Joel's Hear]

I have been a 24-year-old autistic man on the receiving end of an older man's perverse desire to torture an innocent young person, when my grandmother kicked me out of her house on a freezing night for having a meltdown out of my control. I had nowhere else to stay, and a fifty-odd years old "friend" who I viewed somewhat like a mentor because he tended the plants at the college we both attended invited me stay with him.

However, to me this man seems less like a predator but more like a tired, confused man who is ignored by his wife and forgotten by his kids and views the young autistic man as a key to a new life/lost childhood innocence.

To the original poster: I would leave your friend alone, because though you have done nothing wrong, pursuing your fantasy with him would turn you into a predator. I would seriously look at your family and your role in it, and consider leaving the relationship because it seems there is no love left there. Move to a cheap far-away country (Guatemala, Mexico, India, Eastern Europe) and become involved in the local culture.

Good day to you and best wishes.