I Think I've Become a Gynophobe

[Mathophobe]

The title pretty much says it all. I've been a hopeless romantic since I was a little kid, but every girl I've ever tried to get to know has either rejected me or flaked on me. In recent years, I've developed a deep-seated fear of not only women but females in general, even those of animals and plants. The Greek female symbol fills me with dread, as does anything that resonates with femininity, such as lingerie or the color pink. My sex drive has been slowly dissipating, which distresses me because I'm still a virgin (at 22 years old ). A few months ago I inadvertently discovered two books whose respective premises frequently trigger bouts of anxiety in me. One book was about women gaining the power to harness electricity with their hands and using such power to kill, dominate, oppress men. (It was written by a woman, which I find all the more frightening). The other book (well, graphic novel) was about women taking over the world after a disease wipes out most of the male human population. I sometimes have nightmares about living under such circumstances. Perhaps the most bizarre fear I have concerning women is my fear of physically transforming into one. This is going to sound gross, but I always keep my hand on my junk while I sleep to provide me the comfort of knowing everything's still there.

Ugh... Yeah, that was a mouthful. I wasn't intending on writing a novel tonight, but I really needed to let it all out. And despite everything I've said, I still want to have a girlfriend. I'm so lonely and conflicted. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this...

P.S. I'm neither a misogynist nor an incel. I'm just a neurotic dumpster fire of a person.

 

[SunnyDay16]

It's human to have a negative light about a certain group of people if you've had nothing but poor experiences with them. It may not really be rational or logical, but it's human.

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences with women. Dating can be really hard.

 

[Cactus]

At age 22, the place I was able to talk to women was at work. They seemed more approachable at work. Just a thought.

I think the time a person chooses, or not, to have sex is irrelevant to your situation. It's a personal decision, and one that should be considered carefully. It's better if that consideration is without the influence of mind altering substances. Don't give the word "virginity" more weight than it deserves.

Good luck. Oh, and cold showers help.

 

[ftfipps]

Don't dwell on the memory of past experiences with women being negative. Stop reading things about women being evil in books or on the internet. That stuff is poison. Enroll in school or a voluntary activity. There will be many cute girls there. Pay attention to the way they act around you. The one that shows interest in you is the one you ask out. You can do this.

 

[Mathophobe]

Don't dwell on the memory of past experiences with women being negative. Stop reading things about women being evil in books or on the internet. That stuff is poison. Enroll in school or a voluntary activity. There will be many cute girls there. Pay attention to the way they act around you. The one that shows interest in you is the one you ask out. You can do this.

I currently attend college, so I'm around women almost every day. I'll say things like "thanks" and "you're welcome" out of civility, but I'll rarely engage in casual conversation with them. It's not out of bitterness or arrogance (though it may come off as such); I'm just terrified of being humiliated for saying the wrong thing. I can't handle humiliation. I've been seriously contemplating becoming celibate. It's not like I have much of a sex drive anymore, anyway. I really want to rear a family one day, desperately even, but I fear being emasculated by women too much, and I'm also pretty sure I'm sterile (the details aren't necessary). I don't know. I guess I'm not biologically sufficient to find love and reproduce.

 

[ftfipps]

I currently attend college, so I'm around women almost every day. I'll say things like "thanks" and "you're welcome" out of civility, but I'll rarely engage in casual conversation with them. It's not out of bitterness or arrogance (though it may come off as such); I'm just terrified of being humiliated for saying the wrong thing. I can't handle humiliation. I've been seriously contemplating becoming celibate. It's not like I have much of a sex drive anymore, anyway. I really want to rear a family one day, desperately even, but I fear being emasculated by women too much, and I'm also pretty sure I'm sterile (the details aren't necessary). I don't know. I guess I'm not biologically sufficient to find love and reproduce.

You are astute to realize your limits with relationships. You don't need others to be happy. I may be sterile, too. I've never had any luck conceiving. There are celibate people on this site, you can pick their brains on the subject.

 

[hiraeth]

I'm asexual and medically sterile. You can pick my brains.

I've had a lifetime of actively working on accepting that having a life partner may not ever be for me because most people are looking for additional things from someone other than "a long term friendly roommate", that I can't provide them.

 

[Mathophobe]

I'm asexual and medically sterile. You can pick my brains.

I've had a lifetime of actively working on accepting that having a life partner may not ever be for me because most people are looking for additional things from someone other than "a long term friendly roommate", that I can't provide them.

Dying alone is one of my biggest fears. It's something I've tried making peace with, but I can't do it, no matter how hard I try. I wish I could just be content with living in a nice apartment by myself with a pet of some sort.

 

[hiraeth]

Dying alone is one of my biggest fears. It's something I've tried making peace with, but I can't do it, no matter how hard I try. I wish I could just be content with living in a nice apartment by myself with a pet of some sort.

Investigating the source of fears can sometimes be a quite interesting (and maybe also frustrating) long-term project... I find that with most things, feeling a sense of genuine understanding of the larger context around its existence helps me a lot with making peace with it.

There are things in life that I push myself a lot to do, which feel like they go against my nature a little or completely, because not doing it would activate a too deeply seated fear. The more I am able to understand myself in those contexts the more I can approach the whole thing with compassion instead of resistance or from fear / fight-or-flight / scarcity mode. And then, regardless of the outcome of whatever I do (and suck at), the whole experience feels in general lighter and easier.