I really dislike going strange places and having to communicate

[Grayman]

i hate that I'm so unreasonable with this , I just get endless anxiety and sleepless nights.ill give you all an example , I'm this week off my work and people are coming to my house to work and I hate the fact of staying in all week to talk and even have them near me . I know this is not their fault but mine but I can't help some times but feel this way l I usually go out for 5 to 6 hours walking around basicly doing nothing but walk the dog just to stay away. Anyone else do this ? I know I'm being so unrational and quite unpleasant in a way and I hate myself for it but it puts my mind at ease somewhat.This is my own house too but out me in a different environment with no one I know I just freeze and panic. I hate this.

 

[Tom]

Yes, certainly can relate. I found for me it helps to have definate separation in spaces. I would rather stay half the night at work then let work (or worse the people) invade my solitary zone. I can keep things together better knowing that I will get to my recharge space eventually. Sometimes however you don't actually have a physical space, and you can try and create a kind of mental area. Today the computer is a option, before I had that I might use a quiet public place or even just hide in a notebook pretending to write letters. I guess the point is you don't defeat it, you compromise with it.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh yesssss, I can relate too! I don't even like guests over for a meal; it takes a lot of inner motivation to send out an invite and I get panicky when even the a person comes to read the meter!

 

[Progster]

Yes, I can relate to this. When both my partner and I were working full time, I had someone come once a week to help with the household chores, and this always made me feel very uncomfortable and restless. There was no obligation to talk to her except to tell her what I wanted done, and offer her something to drink, but the very fact that a stranger was in my home made me uncomfortable. I used to plan things so that I'd go shopping on that day and be out of the house.

 

[RidingDutchman]

I have a similar thing, but less intense I suppose. Ive always been pretty good at forcing myself to interact with people and don't particularly dislike it most times, but it does drain me mentally. I tend to retreat to my bedroom once I get home for some alone time, but my mom really still doesn't get that I don't get cranky because I don't like her, but because she keeps bugging me with annoying questions about how my day was and doesn't take enough with a 3 sentence answer.

It's hard to explain to people how you do want to interact with people but not always, I don't get how it's so hard for NT people to understand this concept but I guess we'll have to live with it

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Grayman, I get like this too, although not as intensely. I hate having strangers in my house, because they make my house strange. It's as if there's a vibration that doesn't belong there, like the feeling I get after I have to shake hands with someone.


I didn't use to have this problem, and now I do. I don't think it's being aspie that drives the problem in my case. For me, it's more about economic insecurity, and getting older, and the feeling that if I dare spend the money and energy, I won't have it for the next turn of Fortuna's Wheel. Last night I was supposed to make myself go out and hear some jazz, because there was a promotional show, but it meant driving an hour after a long, tense day that ended well, and I couldn't summon the energy to do that and be in a place certain to be noisy--even if it was noise I was interested in!

 

[Gordy]

Absolutely Grayman. This is exactly what I am like. I think it is worse when it is people coming into my home environment. I have a very senior job and have to go to meetings with people I have never met. I either visit the location or check it out on Google streetview to make myself comfortable with it before I go. I can't reach that level of comfort with people coming into the house and I find it a bit threatening. This is why my house is not big enough. I have the money to build an extension,but I can't face getting builders in.

 

[watersprite]

I have that too, Grayman. Recently I decided I need more work on my mask when it comes to temporary situations like restaurants. I made several errors in behavior and speech which not only confused me but made a couple people irked with me. Not that it matters all that much, but I would like to be able to not draw negative attention to myself if possible.

A few days ago I had a phone call in which a member of my family of origin invited themselves to see me. ("We haven't seen for x many years, and we're going to be driving to your area, so we'll give you a few days notice, but it will be sometime between now and October.") Even taking a call from this person necessitates pacing so that I don't start shaking.
I have decided this: I will tell them I'll meet them in a city about 45 miles from here. If they ask why I am going to say repeatedly if necessary, 'I don't bring visitors to the house. Thanks for understanding.'

 

[AHugNKiss]

Yes, yes, yes!

It's not just going to places (where, usually, it is possible to arm myself with enough facts/information to make it almost familiar and so not as angst ridden - thank you websites, google street view, and review sites...) but I think people invading my space is the worst - people, not necessarily strangers. I have always avoided visitors, including family, because it's just so stressful. It's far better that I go to their homes to visit them - I can still be me in their environment, but not when they're in mine :/

We went on holiday in May and the first two/three days were awful as myself and my son settled in. Had a great last few days (we only went for a week). When we arrived home I immediately rebooked the same place for next year but for 10 days instead of a week: a) it's already a 'known' and b) if we take a few days to get in the rhythm, as it were, then at least we'll still have a week to enjoy!

 

[illud]

I relate too. I don't like to change places to go and so on, or have a bunch of people come over given a short announcement, or ask me to go to their place in a short announcement either. For example, since here the literary events changed venue I don't go there as often as I used to, I still find the new venue an strange ambience for me.
I'm planning a trip in two months, I'll be with a new friend and I still don't want to think how it'll go. I hope I won't have an anxiety attack, but lately my social anxiety has increased and my anxiety attacks gotten worst.
Going out for a walk or near the nature always relaxed me aswell.

 

[Moccu]

Hmm, yes. I also get mentally drained from being at a party/guests being over as well, so I usually drink coffee throughout the whole day if I have to. I love coffee, but there comes a point when the jitters feel a little unpleasant and I need to cut myself off, but I feel so much better with something to idly sip at and carry around with me (it's just something to do).

I don't really get irritated when people come over, but I NEED to be put together and feel like I can't be seen without my hair and makeup done. I'd rather be caught in sweats. Sometimes I'll pretend to have a shower so that I give myself some time to put myself together, and I've had years of practice of being quick about it, aha.

I definitely prefer to know if there'll be visits ahead of time so that everyone is happy.