I need help with my relationship

[Lena_131309]

Think l need lessons from you. Lol

I also can't really ask for time but this person is busy and does truly need space. But when you said you can't ask, l felt exactly the same. It's part of my passive side in friendships. It's hard to ask for change in dynamics if you can't even define them. Then you may have no ground to ask for anything and then passivity is the other option. Like l battle with myself if it's okay to call because l ,myself is on the spectrum.

Haha, thank you! I wish Better don't learn from me, I am so not aware what I am doing so it is more luck that it works than anything else.

And I understand you...Being in many relationships before and being used to men asking for my time, texting me first and initiating activities (no always of course, but in majority of the cases), I am really struggling with the role change in my current relationship. I cannot complain to be honest, as he is still the one being the more active side in proposing and "organizing" our dates, but anything "outside" our routine seems to be my "responsibility" (as I learnt last week). I guess I am still a bit concerned and resitant to introduce too radical / too many / to fast changes to how we are spending the time currenty, but, on the hand, I am aware that if I will not do that, then, most probably, there will be no change.

I haven't asked for too many changes to be honest until last week, the situation I described above was basically the first thing I proposed and he seemed to understand my reasoning behind and showed his willingness to try. I understand that he approaches the situation from a very logical point of view, that is why he honestly answered that weekend is the best option if we are going to have sleepless night (that make sense, doesn't it), so what I was trying to explain him was, that our dates don't always have to end up with sleepless nights We can go to cinema / have dinner / grab lunch / go for a run, and then simply come back to our homes...and I told him that we do not need to be spontanuous to do that (as I understand how important planning and predictivity is for him), so we can always plan that kind of activities in advance...Anyway, let's see how it goes

 

[Lena_131309]

Well. It didn’t go as great as expected....I don’t think I can manage arguments with him properly. And I don’t know if I can manage this emotional roller coaster either.

We had such a great evening yesterday. Meeting friends for dinner and a movie night, laughing and enjoying every minute of it. After the movie we went to his place and spent really great night, cuddling and falling asleep together. And then the morning came....

I was waking up next to him and instead of being together, I felt like I was an intruder, interrupting and annoying. He was laying in bed next to me, playing his favorite game on his iPad and ignoring me completely. Before, until this morning, he would always put it away and spent really nice morning with me, but today he was just playing. I didn’t know what to do so I asked him if he still wanted to play the game and he answered “Yes, I am playing the game now”. So I stood up and told him I was going to take a shower. It took me almost one hour to calm down, trying not to cry and when I left the bathroom, he was waiting for me, if front of the room, looking concerned and asking if I was angry with him. So I asked him “Why do you think I could be angry with you?” and he replied “Attention”. I asked him “How would you feel if I would behave like that? Being in my place and after such an emotional night not showing you any attention in the morning?”. And he said that he doesn’t understand, and I could have just waited few more minutes. I told him that I waited enough and that it would be the best if I went home as I was stressed and upset. He stopped me in front of the doors and hugged me for a very long time and then I left.

I don’t know how to deal with behavior like that...if feels like someone is putting bucket of cold water over my head after a great night. I don’t want to feel like I’m disturbing him in his morning routines or that I need to ask/wait for him to show me attention. He has never done it before, and I know he was exhausted after the whole evening/night, but so was I, and him being so “cold” and distant made me feel miserable and not wanted...

I don’t even know if he will try to discuss it or if he will just ignore it and not talk about it at all....I’m so tired and sad, and I don’t know how to make it work.