I messed up again

[tree]

RE: thread title = I messed up again

 

[Markness]

Why is it often assumed I don’t attempt anything or haven’t when I actually have?

 

[tree]

Why is it often assumed I don’t attempt anything or haven’t when I actually have?

I think that's because you tend to post what you consider your failures
way more often than giving an account of any steady repeated efforts.

 

[Masked Man]

Why is it often assumed I don’t attempt anything or haven’t when I actually have?

Let me ask this: that injection you received the other day - what was it? What was it for? Why are you getting it and for how often? What are its side effects, if any?

This is what I don't understand: your apparent complete lack of concern for any care for yourself and your laser-like focus on things that ultimately aren't important (or aren't AS important).

You have metabolic syndrome, a high BMI, and neuropathy. Did you know with diabetic neuropathy, you have an increased chance of having to have a limb amputated?? And since your mother is your caretaker, she's the one responsible for you.

Gee ... could that be the reason your mother is - what do you call her? - a "control freak?"

You can't see the much larger life picture here - if you want your life to change you have to get some control over yourself. This does not mean "giving up." It means breaking up your problems into small sections and working on each of them a little at a time. Ultimately it would mean reducing your need for outside support as much as possible. Have you made any attempts at that?

 

[Markness]

Gee ... could that be the reason your mother is - what do you call her? - a "control freak?"

No, my mother has been a control freak ever since I was a child. She even has called herself that and wears it with pride. She was constantly telling my siblings and myself things such as “Don’t touch that/don’t do that/don’t say that or I will spank your butt with a belt!”, “Don’t talk to that person, you’ll bug them! You’ll embarrass me!”, “Don’t wear those clothes, you’ll make me and your dad look bad!”, and more. When she would really get upset with us, she would say “I should’ve had my tubes tied when I was in high school!” and wish she never had become a parent as well as beg “God” to help her.

 

[Masked Man]

No, my mother has been a control freak ever since I was a child. She even has called herself that and wears it with pride. She was constantly telling my siblings and myself things such as “Don’t touch that/don’t do that/don’t say that or I will spank your butt with a belt!”, “Don’t talk to that person, you’ll bug them! You’ll embarrass me!”, “Don’t wear those clothes, you’ll make me and your dad look bad!”, and more. When she would really get upset with us, she would say “I should’ve had my tubes tied when I was in high school!” and wish she never had become a parent as well as beg “God” to help her.

Yeah I hate to say it Mark but she sounds like just about every other parent out there, especially in Southern culture. You're 35 now you're going to have to come to terms with it.

Meanwhile, you ignored every other aspect of my post and focused in on shifting attention/blame to your mother. Again. You do that often.

If you dislike your mother so much...

Answer this question: What exactly are you doing to make yourself more independent?

 

[Markness]

I think that's because you tend to post what you consider your failures
way more often than giving an account of any steady repeated efforts.

But isn’t doing the same things repeatedly supposed to be unproductive?

 

[Cryptid]

But isn’t doing the same things repeatedly supposed to be unproductive?

Are there no production lines in Texas?

Repetitive actions can be very productive; that's how cars are made.

However, expecting a horse to roll off an automobile assembly line is unrealistic.

You have to perform the appropriate repetitive actions to get the results you want.

Repeatedly complaining about not having a girlfriend will not get you a girlfriend.

Repeatedly striving for self-improvement is more likely to result in attracting a girlfriend.

 

[tree]

But isn’t doing the same things repeatedly supposed to be unproductive?

Let's see.

If I had a hundred bricks to make a wall, would it be unproductive to repeatedly
apply mortar and stack the bricks?

If I wanted to walk a mile, would it be unproductive to take step after step, repeatedly?

If I was making myself miserable by telling myself negative stories,
would it be unproductive to repeatedly resist that non-rational behavior?

 

[Markness]

Why does it seem ok for other people to dislike me?

 

[tree]

Why does it seem ok for other people to dislike me?

I don't know why you think so many people dislike you.


When's the last time you talked about this idea with your therapist?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

My life goes up and down. My so kind special friend today she said the same thing to me today that life goes up and down. I keep hoping that life improves for you. It makes me sad when you are still sad.

 

[thejuice]

Trying to make connections with the opposite sex in the service sector is almost mission: impossible. Too little opportunity to build rapport, unless you're very socially skillful which we arent !

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Trying to make connections with the opposite sex in the service sector is almost mission: impossible. Too little opportunity to build rapport, unless you're very socially skillful which we arent !

Unless she comes up too you which I use to think was impossible and would never happen in a million years. Was I ever wrong. You know the saying that there is a first time for anything. I now believe it.

 

[thejuice]

Unless she comes up too you which I use to think was impossible and would never happen in a million years. Was I ever wrong. You know the saying that there is a first time for anything. I now believe it.

That never happens to me you're doing something right!!

 

[Tony Ramirez]

That never happens to me you're doing something right!!

It never happened to me for over 40+ years until it did. BTW never happened in kindergarten. I could not believe it.

 

[thejuice]

The only time is when someone asks me to smile!

 

[Cryptid]

Why does it seem ok for other people to dislike me?

Because it IS okay to not like someone, especially if they are not likeable.

To be liked, you must first be likeable. Constant complaints and expressions of self-pity do not make a person likeable.

 

[Misty Avich]

Fun fact: I used to walk 2 miles to work, fast because I'm a fast walker. Then I done a very strenuous job carrying heavy buckets of water backwards and forwards and mopping a few dozen buses and coaches. I felt like I was burning like 1,000 calories doing that, yet I didn't lose a pound.
Then the covid lockdowns happened and I lost my confidence in going out, and I don't like exercising anyway. So I just dieted by counting my daily calorie intake and not having more than 1,500 each day, and guess what? I lost weight within a few weeks! I got back down to my default healthy slim body.

For, for some of us, for some weird reason, exercising is a total waste of time but dieting works wonders.

 

[Hypnalis]

It never happened to me for over 40+ years until it did. BTW never happened in kindergarten. I could not believe it.

Since we just talked about the importance of being considered safe in another thread, I'll extend that here, because it's relevant.

If an XY human doesn't look "safe and normal", they will never be approached by an XX.

We're all evolved to be in a kind of "trust but verify" mode, but XX's have more of that - with them there's what looks very like an evolved assumption of risk.
(I don't know if it's evolved, but it appears that way).

In simpler terms: for normal guys (> 80% of the total) the default XX reaction is "avoid".

In order to overcome that you must, at the very least, be physically relaxed (nothing in your body language that could indicate possible aggression), and have a "resting happy face" or a casual smile.

This doesn't come naturally to many Aspies. Our default body language is often "off" a little, and our default facial expressions tend towards all the "smiling muscles" being relaxed, with isn't welcoming to NTs.

Note that that's the absolute minimum to be considered. It's not sufficient by any means.
Just looking at someone for a second with the "wrong" expression, or moving in a way that suggests the "wrong" kind of muscle tension, and you're off the list anyway

BTW - an XX with a "caring personality" might approach someone who doesn't follow these rules exactly. E.g. "Relaxed but the right kind of unhappy" might reduce the "rejection threshold" for them.

A viable scenario in your case: perhaps you'd just come out of a Yoga class (Yoga is great for balancing and relaxing body muscles) and were wearing a happy smile due your feeling good about your new life and enjoying winding down from your Yoga class.

That combination would lower the "approach threshold" a lot.