I got pulled over today

[Trippy_Wonka]

I’ve had my N for a little while now and I’ve been driving my girlfriend’s car. She’s often not in the car with me.

When I had my L I noticed that driving would put me in a very anxious state, which of course increases impulsivity and mutes my critical thinking.

Of course my driving has improved since then, and I’m usually pretty mindful behind the wheel, but I’m usually anxious without even realizing it

I also live in a city with a lot of selfish and impatient drivers and I regret to say it turned me into one

So today I had pulled over to let a car pass (narrow roads, cars parked each side, both of us are driving jeeps; we may have both fit but it’s not my car I don’t want to take the chance)

Car passes. Then another, then another. I’m at the crest of a hill so my window is only ever going to be narrow because of the blind spot. I’m starting to get anxious “oh god I’m never gonna get out of this spot” and a truck pulls up behind and then starts to pass me

This is too much for me and I honk “are you kidding me don’t block me in!” I start to pull out but the truck didn’t stop so I honk again “dude let me out can’t you see I’m stuck?” So I pull out in front of the truck

Then he turns on the red and blue lights

Don’t worry guys he made a reckless driver note and let me go

And when I immediately blew through a stop sign he didn’t pull me over again

The other thing that makes this tricky is that I didn’t tell my girlfriend right away. She had had a long day so I thought it would be better not to tell her. Then, as she was passing out she seemed…upset…so I asked if something was on her mind. She said, “no. Is something on yours?”

I couldn’t lie

So I cost her about an hour of sleep on top of all of it

So first lesson is, like the cop said, signal

Second one is be patient, not impulsive, and be sparing with the honks

Third one is to be forthright which I already knew but guys I do so much terrible stuff

I just wish I applied these lessons. Like I’m learning them, sure. But that’s nothing if I can’t apply it when it counts


Oh and also, she had to tell me to do an apology dinner. I didn’t even think of it. Running theme too. She had to ask for flowers the first time I got them for her and I constantly forget to get them for her. I just never think of stuff like this

There’s a lot to unpack here. I’m thinking about how to handle stress, perceived injustice and impulsivity when driving; and I’m thinking about how I can be a better boyfriend. It’s been a rough week in that department and the last month wasn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows

 

[Misty Avich]

I got a little confused when reading this. Was the man in the truck a cop?

 

[Rodafina]

I’ve had my N for a little while now and I’ve been driving my girlfriend’s car. She’s often not in the car with me.

When I had my L I noticed that driving would put me in a very anxious state,

What does "my N" and "my L" mean?

I just wish I applied these lessons. Like I’m learning them, sure. But that’s nothing if I can’t apply it when it counts

You are learning from things that didn't go well. You can't really apply any lessons while you are learning them. Just look to the next time and use this valuable insight in the future. I think your ability to process your experience in a meaningful way is strong and will be useful to you.

Oh and also, she had to tell me to do an apology dinner. I didn’t even think of it. Running theme too. She had to ask for flowers the first time I got them for her and I constantly forget to get them for her. I just never think of stuff like this

Your girlfriend has a way of seeking amends that is quite confusing to me. Lots of people just talk about their problems and feelings. Her way of requesting (demanding?) flowers and apology dinners for things you have done is a foreign concept to me. I would encourage you not to be too hard on yourself for forgetting to get flowers and congratulate yourself on dealing with the stressful situation with the cop and learning so much from it.

 

[Misty Avich]

An apology dinner? That ain't what people do in relationships, as far as I know.

 

[Forest Cat]

I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, but why was your girlfriend upset? It just seemed odd to me, maybe I misunderstood something. You have to give her an apology dinner for being pulled over, is that because it was her car?

 

[VictorR]

What does "my N" and "my L" mean?

The OP (original poster's) jurisdiction uses a graduated licensing system with three types of passenger vehicle licenses:

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A learner's driver's license / permit ("L"): Available after passing a written exam, requires the person be 16 and pass a written exam.

A "L" license holder requires that they be with someone 25 or older with a full license, have a maximum of one other passenger, and there are some other prohibitions.

---

A novice driver's license ("N") is available after holding a "L" license for a year and passing a road driving exam.

They have close to full privileges, the main exception is that they are limited to one non-family passenger unless someone 25 or older with a full license is with them.

---

A full driver's license after holding an "N" license for two year and passing an additional driving exam.

 

[Trippy_Wonka]

I got a little confused when reading this. Was the man in the truck a cop?

Yeah he was in an unmarked vehicle

 

[Trippy_Wonka]

I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, but why was your girlfriend upset? It just seemed odd to me, maybe I misunderstood something. You have to give her an apology dinner for being pulled over, is that because it was her car?

Big time. It's super bad to get pulled over in a car you're not insured on

 

[Trippy_Wonka]

What does "my N" and "my L" mean?


You are learning from things that didn't go well. You can't really apply any lessons while you are learning them. Just look to the next time and use this valuable insight in the future. I think your ability to process your experience in a meaningful way is strong and will be useful to you.


Your girlfriend has a way of seeking amends that is quite confusing to me. Lots of people just talk about their problems and feelings. Her way of requesting (demanding?) flowers and apology dinners for things you have done is a foreign concept to me. I would encourage you not to be too hard on yourself for forgetting to get flowers and congratulate yourself on dealing with the stressful situation with the cop and learning so much from it.

I wanna come to my girlfriend's defence a little bit here. She doesn't demand flowers and meals. She knows that I probably won't come up with it on her own, so she shares what might make her feel better. I actually like this. Now I know flowers help and I'll get them next time. And apology dinners are, like, a thing.

i just wish I knew all of those little things in advance, instead of having to be told about them.

 

[Forest Cat]

Now I know flowers help and I'll get them next time.

Flowers are always good.

 

[Rodafina]

I wanna come to my girlfriend's defence a little bit here. She doesn't demand flowers and meals. She knows that I probably won't come up with it on her own, so she shares what might make her feel better. I actually like this. Now I know flowers help and I'll get them next time. And apology dinners are, like, a thing.

i just wish I knew all of those little things in advance, instead of having to be told about them.

As long as it works for you, it doesn’t have to make sense to me. If you feel that you have healthy communication and work together well, that’s all that really matters.

 

[Tom]

In hectic driving conditions I think it is actually more dangerous to be the nice guy then to just be hurrying along selfishly like everyone else. People don't expect the sudden stop or someone pulling out unexpectedly.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Flowers are always good.

Dead plants.

 

[Forest Cat]

Dead plants.

Dead plants..?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Dead plants..?

giving a woman cut flowers is basically giving her dead plants unless the pant id potted. Not normal practice.