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I feel like everything is moving too fast around me. Can anyone relate to this?

Lennie

New Member
A metaphor I've used recently is that I feel like I'm on a bicycle on the freeway and I'm trying to keep up but cars are swerving around me and passing me at 70 mph.

Sometimes I feel like if I could pause life in social situations like you can pause a video game, things would be much easier. I feel like there are situations where I react awkwardly or that I misunderstand because it just happened too fast and I didn't have the time to analyze it.

One situation that happened a few years ago that was very difficult was at my girlfriend's birthday. We went to a restaurant with some of her friends and her sister. The way I saw it is, since it's her birthday, I'm going to pay her meal. I imagined going with her to the register with both our invoices and paying both myself.

What actually happened was, when the waiter came to the table to give us the invoices, my gf's friend and sister immediately reacted and reached out quickly to grab her invoice to pay for it. At the moment, I had no idea what just happened - I didn't immediately realize that they were reaching for her invoice. Instead, I just sat there wondering what was going on.

It seems I passed for a jerk who just doesn't care when in fact I just didn't understand what was going on. It just feels like it happened so fast that I didn't have time to process.

Is this something you guys have experienced as well?
 
Yes. I've always dreaded that point with a meal in a restaurant where multiple persons are seated at the table. Whether I know them well or not. That for whatever reason sometimes it causes me to become confused as to how the bill is resolved, whether on an individual basis or collective one. Almost like another social ritual that I just can't seem to follow. Where my math skills and attention to detail can go to hell in a matter of seconds.

Though in this instance I don't think it would pay to try to explain any of it to anyone at any time. :oops:

Is this an autistic trait? An example of social anxiety that trumps any prowess at math? Beats me. Maybe. :confused:
 
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A lot of us have different processing. I almost wrote "delayed," but after taking to other Aspies, it seems we see things differently.

For instance, you might not see that manufactured social requirement, but you might take notice all at once of other things, like how many people are in the building or subtleties of the people at the table.

You might notice the wood the table is made of or how man windows or how the building is put together or you might be watching a certain star floating across the sky that no one else is watching.......

Don't mistake a difference for a "deficiency."

All that said, we can indeed have deficiencies and delays. That is true. But a lot of people throw that on us no matter what just because they want us to act a certain way. Maybe they should watch that beautiful star floating across the sky instead of making you feel bad for not noticing a manufactured social requirement.
 
A lot of us have different processing. I almost wrote "delayed," but after taking to other Aspies, it seems we see things differently.

For instance, you might not see that manufactured social requirement, but you might take notice all at once of other things, like how many people are in the building or subtleties of the people at the table.

You might notice the wood the table is made of or how man windows or how the building is put together or you might be watching a certain star floating across the sky that no one else is watching.......

Don't mistake a difference for a "deficiency."

All that said, we can indeed have deficiencies and delays. That is true. But a lot of people throw that on us no matter what just because they want us to act a certain way. Maybe they should watch that beautiful star floating across the sky instead of making you feel bad for not noticing a manufactured social requirement.

Think if you function better at processing emotions you dwell on deficiency maybe but then switch over to thinking it's a difference. l notice we tend to blame ourself a lot, but eventually we move on to processing thoughts in a more mature manner as we age.
 
Yes, this kind of thing happens to me a lot, due to my different processing. Things happen before I evern realise that they are happening, and I'm always behind with social stuff. It sounds like perhaps they were deliberately wanting to grab the invoice to pay before you did? In situations like that, it's a good idea to make it clear before the meal that you want to pay for it, then there are no misunderstandings at the time of paying the bill.
 
Good idea from @Progster, once we notice something we may not be able to change it, but we can develop a strategy. Is her sister's family a bit overbearing? Do they like you? How did your girlfriend see it? She may be sad they interfered, or glad they paid and not you, or she may want to help you clarify it another time. Did you discuss it?
 
I find I'm often thinking of responses to conversational topics long after they've moved onto something else. Sat in silence, observing, but constantly thinking/overthinking.

Eventually there's such a backlog of things I've wanted to say, that I begin to feel uncomfortable. As this discomfort increases, I reach the point where I feel like I need to leave. But this process is overthought as well. Wanting to leave, but not being able to say it. Trying to find the right moment, but missing them each time. I inevitably reach a moment where I can't bear to be there anymore.

Usually I blurt out that I have to go, often whilst someone else is talking. It seems to make others feel a brief moment of discomfort as I've momentarily voiced me own. Even though wanting to leave is normal - we can't be in conversations indefinitely; the way I say it, the tone and my clear apprehension seems to rub off on others, albeit briefly.

Once I've left I begin to calm down and feel happy. Sometimes I feel hyper as I'm so relieved to be back in my own company again.

Ed
 
A metaphor I've used recently is that I feel like I'm on a bicycle on the freeway and I'm trying to keep up but cars are swerving around me and passing me at 70 mph.

Sometimes I feel like if I could pause life in social situations like you can pause a video game, things would be much easier. I feel like there are situations where I react awkwardly or that I misunderstand because it just happened too fast and I didn't have the time to analyze it.

One situation that happened a few years ago that was very difficult was at my girlfriend's birthday. We went to a restaurant with some of her friends and her sister. The way I saw it is, since it's her birthday, I'm going to pay her meal. I imagined going with her to the register with both our invoices and paying both myself.

What actually happened was, when the waiter came to the table to give us the invoices, my gf's friend and sister immediately reacted and reached out quickly to grab her invoice to pay for it. At the moment, I had no idea what just happened - I didn't immediately realize that they were reaching for her invoice. Instead, I just sat there wondering what was going on.

It seems I passed for a jerk who just doesn't care when in fact I just didn't understand what was going on. It just feels like it happened so fast that I didn't have time to process.

Is this something you guys have experienced as well?
Here is how I see this, correct me please if I am off-base: paying the bill was a gift to your girlfriend and a symbol of your caring and of the worth of your relationship, and it got snatched away from you. As an Aspie, I find that I don't seem to have much to offer that nt's value, so in a general sense, the experience is a multiple whammy.

Maybe just the two of you can do something together that can be a gift from you. I don't think the BD meal makes you look like an uncaring jerk; if you can, I'd find out how she took it and explain to her that it all happened too quickly for you to react. (If I had a dollar for every time this has happened to me...)
 
Oh my, yes. In fact, last night, driving home. I am traveling at 75mph on the highway, and a burst of traffic came up from behind me very quickly, 85-90mph, meanwhile we are also approaching an on-ramp. Well, between the traffic coming onto the highway and the 10 or so cars flying up on my rear, and then around me, it was like someone had just smacked a bees nest. Usually, I am courteous enough to get into the slow lane and let people around me, but this time, all I could do is nothing at all. Yes, all the time. Fast-moving card and board games,...not playing. Conversations with more than one person,...not participating. When I went for my cognitive testing for my autism, there was a particular computer game where a group of images were presented to me, one at a time, but quickly, and I had to click the mouse every time I saw a particular color (black, I believe),...well, I saw the color black,...but by the time my brain registered that it was black and my hand went to click the mouse, two more images had already passed by,...I was like, "WTF!!!" After about 3 attempts, I stopped, looked at the person testing me and I said, "I quit,..stop the test,...literally can't do this." I was good, if not better than most at doing other things in the test battery,...in fact, the lowest score I achieved was the 68th percentile,...but this is also considering there are things my brain simply can't process with any kind of speed. I know my limitations,...and not test them. I was, at one time, an 11 time national record holder in powerlifting, physically very strong,...but I was never stupid enough to pick a fight. Anyone would be able to hit me in the face 3 times before I flinched from the first punch. LOL! Adapt and overcome.
 
Wow thank you so much for the replies everybody. It's just so nice to be able to talk about my feelings and experiences with people who understand what it feels like.
 
Sometimes I feel like if I could pause life in social situations like you can pause a video game, things would be much easier. I feel like there are situations where I react awkwardly or that I misunderstand because it just happened too fast and I didn't have the time to analyze it.
If we're going to add video game rules, I'd prefer if conversations were multiple choice instead of forcing me to figure out my own dialogue.

Also, let me Fast Travel so I can just teleport home without having to deal with the travel time, because sometimes I just really don't want to be there anymore.

I've pretty much given up on group conversations. I may think of something to say, but someone else is talking or the conversation has already moved on, so I just hold my part of the conversation entirely in my head.

Oh my, yes. In fact, last night, driving home. I am traveling at 75mph on the highway, and a burst of traffic came up from behind me very quickly, 85-90mph, meanwhile we are also approaching an on-ramp.
I HATE freeway driving for that very reason. I drive to work on a highway that's usually pretty quiet, but when I get into town or onto a busier freeway then I'm surrounded by cars and have to make so many decisions to make sure I get where I need to be. It can be pretty stressful and I hate it.
 

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