I don't want to live any more

[Misty Avich]

I am REALLY struggling with life right now and I want to be dead. I can't put up living below those horrible loud people upstairs any longer but I have been told by the council that it's unlikely we'll be given anywhere because we live in "adequate housing", meaning we're less important. So that means I'm not being taken seriously, as we have stated how hellish our neighbours are and there's nothing we can do about it because their kiddies have to run about so we've just got to put up with it forever and ever. It ain't even just the kids, the adults pace about up there all day and all night.

My sister has been given a lovely, brand new council apartment on the second (top) floor because she has a baby. The council charge such cheap rent. In private housing the greedy landlords charge loads and I feel like I'm paying rent to live a nightmare. It's not fair.

I go to the doctor's about my emetophobia that is wrecking my life, they put me on like a year's waiting list for therapy (God knows what that's going to do anyway but I'm willing to try anything) and they have dismissed my problem as "minor", since it's a phobia they just dismiss it as an opinion rather than a disorder-like mental illness. How dare they say it's minor. So there's me not being taken seriously again.

And now I'm bored and stressed and fed up at work. Some boss bloke has turned up and is planning on changing everything, our contracts, schedules, everything. Can't cope with it all any more.

I've just had an argument with my husband over it, 1 o'clock in the morning. I think I'm heading towards a nervous breakdown. I want to commit suicide. I hate life sometimes. Makes me wonder what life is all about.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm just online right now desperately seeking help, I don't know what to do, I can't breathe and I'm scared I'm going to descend into madness. I've never been so anxious and depressed in my entire life and I thought I was getting better as I was getting older but because I'm not being listened to by the doctors or the council or my employer, and now I've upset my husband by breaking down at this time of the night, I just feel an utter failure who can't cope with life.

So, if one can't cope with life and is not being taken seriously whenever they try to sort things or get help, where can that person go? That's right, death. It's the only escape route. I think I'm going to have a heart attack.

 

[Rocco]

Hi I’m here if you want to message, either here or privately
Are you able to take a few minutes and do some controlled slow breathing, sing a song you like, or maybe some exercise?

 

[Jonn]

So that means I'm not being taken seriously, as we have stated how hellish our neighbours are and there's nothing we can do about it because their precious kiddies have to run about so we've just got to put up with it forever and ever.

Here in Australia, I think the council would put pressure on the property own to install carpet in the floor above you.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm calming down now. Me and my husband have just had a calm chat, he's said some wise words that made me think about how maybe I'm overreacting. I am overreacting, to the changes at work and everything, I admit that. I'm pretty adaptable so hopefully in time I might relax a bit and accept my new shifts at work. I've just got to remind myself that it's a job and I need to be responsible.

It's just my husband has dealt with difficult women in the past before he met me; either narcissists or women with mental health problems that impacted on the relationship. While I'm definitely not a narcissist, I do have mental health problems (anxiety really) and I really don't want to become a burden on him like his other girlfriends were. My husband is quite the laid back type who doesn't get anxious like I do. But I find it so hard to bottle my feelings up. And the more anxious I am, the more I need to be around people and confide in them. Sometimes talking face-to-face with people is easier than typing online. I feel comforted by other people's presence when I'm feeling stressed and anxious. Oh, but that's not to say I don't appreciate lovely people's help online though. But I'm just saying I do crave offline interaction as well as online.

See, many people would do anything for money and don't care how much pressure they're under at work or how boringly repetitive their work is as long as they're getting the money, and having a pay rise just gives them even more joy. That doesn't work on me. A pay rise means nothing to me and isn't going to make me work harder. A better paying job altogether would mean more, but being in a cleaning job and then being given a £1.50 rise in pay each hour just so they can put me under more pressure, is just not worth it to me really. I'd rather just carry on as I was before. A pay rise like that has not made any difference to my financial living state, as it just raises the council tax and now I'm having to endure more work in my job.

 

[Misty Avich]

This is what happens when I mask. I hardly ever mask much, but I did today by remaining very calm all through my shift when I was feeling highly stressed inside. That stress had to come out, which happened to be in the wee hours of the night.

I'm not going to mask like that again. Lol

 

[plushy]

why not quit your job, up and move. just quit, walk away, and start a new life somewhere else. or stay where you are and live on the edge of a nervous breakdown, forever and ever.

and study part time. be a forensic blood splatter analyst.

 

[Hypnalis]

An option with bad neighbors is to find something they value, and leverage it.
If you have nothing to lose, and the other party is not being reasonable, why not take action?

 

[Misty Avich]

why not quit your job, up and move. just quit, walk away, and start a new life somewhere else. or stay where you are and live on the edge of a nervous breakdown, forever and ever.

and study part time. be a forensic blood splatter analyst.

Why a forensic blood splatter analyst?

 

[velociraptor]

because their kiddies have to run about

That's actually a healthy thing for kids to do. They run around and play and make some noise. It's not really reasonable to expect kids not to be kids. I'm sorry you're having difficulty coping with it, but you may need to be the one to figure out how to cope or adjust your own circumstances. Sorry, not the answer you wanted, I know.

 

[Misty Avich]

That's actually a healthy thing for kids to do. They run around and play and make some noise. It's not really reasonable to expect kids not to be kids. I'm sorry you're having difficulty coping with it, but you may need to be the one to figure out how to cope or adjust your own circumstances. Sorry, not the answer you wanted, I know.

No, it isn't. Knowing the reason for their noise doesn't help my situation. It's easy for people to say to just deal with it and use earplugs/headphones, which is what I do every second I am home but if you don't live in this situation then you wouldn't understand how much of an effect it can have on you to have to live like this. The only thing we can do is move and we've been trying but it's just fruitless, they aren't going to rehouse us as we're unimportant, nobody understands unless they're living in the same conditions which I assume you're not so you've just told me what I already know and it's a waste of time really.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

I hope you're feeling a little bit better. I know that's a cliche thing to say, but often things feel at least a tiny bit different the next day than they did in the middle of the night. I'm glad you're still here.

If your sister has a nice, quiet place, would it be an option for you to go and stay at her place for a while? A baby surely doesn't mean peace and quiet, but I don't know how you feel about being around a baby, maybe it's something you mind less than your noisy neighbors.
Or, if your sister isn't an option, maybe someone else you know, friends or family, live in or have a quieter place you could stay at for a few weeks, to clear your head a bit?

It sounds like a hard situation. How about your recent post to think about a new career path? It sounded hopeful and like a good idea.

Maybe a temporary solution while you wait for in-person therapy would be to look for a therapist/counselor who offers online sessions? I don't know if you could afford private sessions, but maybe one private online session once a month could be a realistic option to bridge the time until regular therapy. Just a thought I had, since you said that your instinctive reaction to stress is wanting to talk about it to someone.

I hope you'll feel better soon.

 

[Misty Avich]

I hope you're feeling a little bit better. I know that's a cliche thing to say, but often things feel at least a tiny bit different the next day than they did in the middle of the night. I'm glad you're still here.

Yes, it does feel that way. But it seems like the stress I'm feeling keeps building up over a matter of hours until it comes pouring out again, and soon everyone's going to get fed up with me. But I can't help it. Even if one problem was solved, like us moving to an upstairs apartment somewhere with nobody living above, would take a lot of stress off my shoulders and might help me cope with the changes at work.

If your sister has a nice, quiet place, would it be an option for you to go and stay at her place for a while? A baby surely doesn't mean peace and quiet, but I don't know how you feel about being around a baby, maybe it's something you mind less than your noisy neighbors.
Or, if your sister isn't an option, maybe someone else you know, friends or family, live in or have a quieter place you could stay at for a few weeks, to clear your head a bit?

My sister and her partner has moved to an apartment and there's no room for me to stay, also it's 30 miles away from my home and job so it wouldn't be very practical.

It sounds like a hard situation. How about your recent post to think about a new career path? It sounded hopeful and like a good idea.

Yes, I am working on that. I just panic at the thought of all jobs being boring and repetitive. But surely not all jobs are equally as boring or repetitive as cleaning.
Sweeping and mopping 30 buses a day becomes very tedious for a person with ADHD. Yes it may be physical but ADHD isn't necessarily about having unlimited physical energy like an athlete running a marathon. I need a job that involves more of a challenge, as my mind is working too fast for a boring, menial, repetitive task like cleaning.

Maybe a temporary solution while you wait for in-person therapy would be to look for a therapist/counselor who offers online sessions? I don't know if you could afford private sessions, but maybe one private online session once a month could be a realistic option to bridge the time until regular therapy. Just a thought I had, since you said that your instinctive reaction to stress is wanting to talk about it to someone.

I couldn't afford anything private. We can barely afford groceries each week. What I really need is to speak to the doctor to see if they can write a letter or something explaining my issues to the council and see if that might up my points. I messaged the council again last night and they just said to put in a noise complaint. But little do they know that the type of noise I have to deal with cannot be helped, but nobody will have sympathy because they'll just say I'm being selfish and overreacting.
But this isn't just some expected noise that I can adjust to, it's constant, all day, every day, and all night too. They pace and thump about at midnight, and after, all the time. They don't seem to go to bed. Their floor is flimsy and you can hear every movement. It may not bother some people but it bothers me. I can't stand the noise of people's feet and other activity going on constantly above my head. Next door, yes. Below, yes. But above, no.

I hope you'll feel better soon.

Thanks, hopefully I'll see a doctor on Friday, although the doctors don't seem to take my mental health seriously. I'm scared they'll dismiss my neighbour noise distress too and say there's nothing they can do. I just hate not being taken seriously when my stress is at sky level and nobody listens to me. I want my voice heard.

 

[honeytoast]

That's actually a healthy thing for kids to do. They run around and play and make some noise. It's not really reasonable to expect kids not to be kids. I'm sorry you're having difficulty coping with it, but you may need to be the one to figure out how to cope or adjust your own circumstances. Sorry, not the answer you wanted, I know.

When you're on the bottom floor, or at least below people, you are going to accept that the people above you will make noise. Yeah, kids are going to run around. It's expected. However, there's a difference between hearing a kid maybe run around once or twice vs constantly which is what Misty has been dealing with for awhile. At least a few years if I can recall.

My previous apartment was awful. During the day I expect people to be up and walking. However, it was crazy and constant. The floors were thin, which didn't help with the noise they made. I heard a lot of random stuff happening. Kids would run and hop and do whatever. Parents didn't discipline them. The parents above me would constantly wake me up in the middle of the night with their "activities", and I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. I reported them - management did nothing (partially because they were friends with the property manager). I would bang on the roof of my apartment. That didn't stop them. Towards the end of me living there, I think they were doing it on purpose because I would curse/bang on the roof for them to stop.

I felt this brain fog for a good while until I could move away and actually sleep. Night and day difference in how I functioned. Your home shouldn't be another place where you are constantly overstimulated and alert. You should be able to relax and be safe at home.

 

[velociraptor]

but if you don't live in this situation then you wouldn't understand how much of an effect it can have on you to have to live like this.

I have sensory issues and it means that other people and their kids are always hell for me. I had to adjust myself because I wasted years to trying to make adjustments elsewhere that were not possible or reasonable and all I did was wind up my own stress level and needlessly make myself sicker.

 

[Misty Avich]

I have sensory issues and it means that other people and their kids are always hell for me. I had to adjust myself because I wasted years to trying to make adjustments elsewhere that were not possible or reasonable and all I did was wind up my own stress level and needlessly make myself sicker.

I do adjust myself to their crap but sometimes it just really gets to me when I can never hear what's going on around me. I feel like I'm not living a normal life.

The other day I was cleaning out my pet's cage, and I got really hot so I done the cleaning in my underwear. But someone knocked at the door, which I didn't hear because I had NC headphones on, and I didn't hear my husband calling me to put my bathrobe on as we had a caller. I could see him standing at the living-room door saying something so I went over to him and the people coming in almost saw me naked and I panicked and quickly put my bathrobe on.
And that is just many incidents I've had because of not being able to hear communication. And no, we are not going to learn sign language when I have working ears that I can't use in my own home. I just want to live a normal life like everyone else I know.

 

[plushy]

Why a forensic blood splatter analyst?

Why, it's from Dexter, of course. And it was the most interesting occupation I could think of. And I suppose I thought that that kind of work requiring obsessive attention to detail is really the kind of thing that an autist might actually enjoy.

And it has to be better than, you know... not living anymore.

 

[Misty Avich]

Why, it's from Dexter, of course. And it was the most interesting occupation I could think of. And I suppose I thought that that kind of work requiring obsessive attention to detail is really the kind of thing that an autist might actually enjoy.

I don't have obsessive attention to detail. Well, not workwise anyway.

And it has to be better than, you know... not living anymore.

Thanks.

 

[velociraptor]

I feel like I'm not living a normal life

I have no interest in living a normal life. Minimum standards are in effect, so anything less than amazing is off the menu for me. This also allows me the space to be eccentric and weird, which is how i like things.

 

[Misty Avich]

I have no interest in living a normal life. Minimum standards are in effect, so anything less than amazing is off the menu for me. This also allows me the space to be eccentric and weird, which is how i like things.

Yeah but not when you're uncomfortable and miserable and artificially deaf.