Au Naturel
Au Naturel
You're not as alone as you think.I know that's how I should act but have been beat down about my size to the point I don't trust being in a situation that might end up crushing me even more. I try to not allow others to control how I act and what I do but just have had many unpleasant and soul destroying comments lobbied my way. It's no wonder why I don't trust many people as there are just too many vain and insensitive people out there. I don't think anybody can fully understand how crushing it can be till they have been in the same situation sadly. I don't tend to let others ruin things for me but this is one area I've had issues with since a young lad.
As a young child, I'd always liked being nude - but it was always by myself. When I entered 7th grade, I started dreading PE class. Suddenly nude showers were mandatory. By itself, a nude shower wasn't a problem. But...!
I was probably the only uncircumcised boy the other guys had ever seen. They thought it was deformed and really razzed me about it. This completely blindsided me. I suddenly felt deformed, and it was yet another thing to be ridiculed about. (I had a lot of ridicule as a kid.) I developed a workaround of retracting my foreskin in the toilet stall before the shower to make it look "normal." I had to be quick about it because the sensation caused a different problem to arise.
There was no education about any topic even remotely related to anatomy or gender, or sexuality. None. I learned about circumcision when, as a teenager, I read a book about a Jewish boy hiding from the Nazis. That's when I realized I was in the natural state and concluded that everyone else was a victim of ritual sexual mutilation. (LOL!) The changed point of view rocked my world.
Very many times, people react to one's self-image. They pick up on insecurity and run with it. Soul-destroying comments only have the power you give them by valuing the commenter's opinion. The opinion of a bully or a jerk ought not to matter. This is something one can learn.
When I went off to college (18), I got a job working as a nude model for art classes. Being accepted uncritically was like penicillin for an infection. I'd been living deep in a closet about it. Modeling cracked the door open. I got good references and found other local colleges with art programs. I have been naked in social settings a lot since then, and being uncirced has never been mentioned.
Four years later, I moved to California, where social nudity was far more common, and no closet was needed.
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