I don't like it when people talk to me or ask me about making friends

[Amethystgirl]

Do any of you think it's weird that it makes me uncomfortable when people talk or ask me about making friends? Unless someone knows someone else who wants to be friends with me or they (the speaker of the subject) wants to be friends; I don't feel comfortable talking about that subject unless I start the conversation about making friends. I've just been hurt many times. I don't like it when people approach the conversation of making friends. Do you any of you feel uncomfortable about the same subject when people bring it up? And to add to this subject I don't like going to social groups either.

 

[Judge]

That seems beyond weird to me. Sounds downright presumptuous.

I can't imagine anyone other than someone who knows me very well asking such a question. Even then I wouldn't like it either.

Then again outside this forum I don't think I've ever encountered this subject being discussed in an actual conversation.

 

[RemyZee]

Do any of you think it's weird that it makes me uncomfortable when people talk or ask me about making friends? Unless someone knows someone else who wants to be friends with me or they (the speaker of the subject) wants to be friends; I don't feel comfortable talking about that subject unless I start the conversation about making friends. I've just been hurt many times. I don't like it when people approach the conversation of making friends. Do you any of you feel uncomfortable about the same subject when people bring it up? And to add to this subject I don't like going to social groups either.

Ironically, I just came from an autistic support group, run by a non autistic person. She made us watch a lame cartoon movie about how to make friends...everyone there was an adult. To be honest, it made me want to crawl under the table....why are people so obsessed with whether autistic people have friends. That's all they want to talk about: how to act in a way that normal people will decide to like us. I mean, these cartoons they were showing would have been better suited for 3rd graders. The other thing they are obsessed with is how wonderful autistic people are: the woman read from a long list of wonderful traits that make autistic people wonderful.... How about a group on something that actually applies? Literally, there was a crowd of three there....two of us got up in the middle of the group and left while she sat there.

 

[Shamar]

Do any of you think it's weird that it makes me uncomfortable when people talk or ask me about making friends? Unless someone knows someone else who wants to be friends with me or they (the speaker of the subject) wants to be friends; I don't feel comfortable talking about that subject unless I start the conversation about making friends. I've just been hurt many times. I don't like it when people approach the conversation of making friends. Do you any of you feel uncomfortable about the same subject when people bring it up? And to add to this subject I don't like going to social groups either.

Any person asking me to become friends would immediately set of my alarm bells. Anybody approaching me without reason is automatically suspect. I would love to have friends, if that were possible with me.

As you know, I don't like going to social groups, or even crowds, for that matter.

 

[velociraptor]

why are people so obsessed with whether autistic people have friends

My wife is an NT. She and her NT friends talk about making and having friendships and the difficulties in sustaining them. I could be offended that an NT asks me about my own difficulties with friendships or I could try and be thankful that I am being included, even if it's in a way that is awkward for me.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Ironically, I just came from an autistic support group, run by a non autistic person. She made us watch a lame cartoon movie about how to make friends...everyone there was an adult. To be honest, it made me want to crawl under the table....why are people so obsessed with whether autistic people have friends. That's all they want to talk about: how to act in a way that normal people will decide to like us. I mean, these cartoons they were showing would have been better suited for 3rd graders. The other thing they are obsessed with is how wonderful autistic people are: the woman read from a long list of wonderful traits that make autistic people wonderful.... How about a group on something that actually applies? Literally, there was a crowd of three there....two of us got up in the middle of the group and left while she sat there.

While surely being well-intended, I find this very patronizing and imagine it as awkward. How about asking the autistic people present whether they actually struggle with making friends, and have them share their experiences? I cringed just by reading this.

 

[paloftoon]

I've encountered this a number of times.

It's personal and if that person doesn't want to be your friend too, it's like not only are they asking about personal business, but they are treating you as second class. I think society has a natural tendency to think this is okay- but reality is- it's not. This is where we need to define our own boundaries- these kind of people - ask them immediately if they can make time for you and if they can't- no matter reason good or bad, tell them to leave you alone and try to keep your distance from them. Tell them it's not okay they are telling you how to live your life socially if they don't want to build a real friendship with you. it's none of their business how things are going socially for you and they can help by keeping their distance..