I desperately need some time to myself.

[Metalhead]

I was hoping for a few days to myself in the paid week off I had between Christmas and January 2nd. Unfortunately, my parents caught on that I had that week off and they decided to smother me with unwanted attention during my week off, as if spending a day to myself would have been the worst thing in the world for me to do. Showing up at my house unannounced, demanding I go to family gatherings where everybody talked to me as if I suffered from intellectual disabilities, I was extremely stressed during this entire week off. And now I am back at the office, back at the daily grind, without feeling rested at all. And I have to work every day for the next five months due to my boss being on an epic world wide cruise. I can't take any time off until late May.

This is a rant post. I hate my life sometimes.

 

[Aspychata]

Wow. Can you schedule any time off after your boss comes back? Like even a three day week?

 

[tree]

@Metalhead
I have to work every day for the next five months...


Every day, seven days a week?

Six days a week?

Or 'every day', something like Monday through Friday?

 

[Metalhead]

@Metalhead
I have to work every day for the next five months...


Every day, seven days a week?

Six days a week?

Or 'every day', something like Monday through Friday?

Every day, Monday through Friday. I was hoping to give myself a day trip to Seattle during one of my days off work last week to avoid the crowds on the weekends. That didn't work out.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Takes practice to say no when people ask you to do things you don't want to do.

If someone turns up unannounced and expects you to do what they want you to do? Well that's on them, it doesn't have to be on you. They pressume you'll follow along.

Saying no isn't easy. Plus, the artificial guilt that can come with speaking your mind, or assuming you're letting people down. But, if it exhausted you - I'd tell your parents. Say that it exhausted you, it wasn't pleasant and ask them not to turn up unannounced again.

If you play along with what they want/expect, and don't verbalise when it's too much - they'll continue to take the p.

Ed

 

[Ken]

I was hoping for a few days to myself in the paid week off I had between Christmas and January 2nd. Unfortunately, my parents caught on that I had that week off and they decided to smother me with unwanted attention during my week off, as if spending a day to myself would have been the worst thing in the world for me to do. Showing up at my house unannounced, demanding I go to family gatherings where everybody talked to me as if I suffered from intellectual disabilities, I was extremely stressed during this entire week off. And now I am back at the office, back at the daily grind, without feeling rested at all. And I have to work every day for the next five months due to my boss being on an epic world wide cruise. I can't take any time off until late May.

This is a rant post. I hate my life sometimes.

I can definitely relate!!!

One of my greatest desires and longing is for reliable alone time!!

I would guess that if you don't have to work weekends, don't let anyone know your plans or where you are or where you plan to be. Sometimes that works for me.

 

[Duncan74]

Yep, fully relating. Had my FIL staying with me from mid December and until mid Jan. 75% of my annual leave and most of it spent in a car with him and my wife. Even at home, every 5 mins - 'You alright?". I was when I was left alone......

I have managed to engineer a couple of days quiet - one by going ocean swimming and cycling for a day, the
other by doing 'jobs' whilst they went to a tourist attraction on their own. I just explained to my wife I was feeling tired and needed a bit of 'me' time and she was supportive. Note that whilst she's aware of what's going on with my diagnosis, none of the rest of her family are.

I think it important you are really clear about needing that 'recharge' time. Whilst it seems that there's great text about autistics not being great at understanding empathy, I'd suggest that NTs are shocking at picking up the 'leave me alone I need some me time' vibes/hints/explicit requests until the f words and blunt objects start getting hurled.

 

[Metalhead]

What I need more than anything else is emotional liberation from my family. I know my mother is an extreme narcissist who always put on a massive show about how much she is willing to fight for my well being - while at the same time telling everybody not to take a single word I say seriously. I know literally everybody else in the blood family buys into that image that my mother presents of me as being incapable of thinking clearly about anything. I cannot change anything about this situation, and the rage is only holding me back.

I am ready to let go of both the rage and the sense that they are entitled to anything from me. I should be in the driver's seat of my own life for a change. I know where I want to take my life. I want to be a good worker. I want a life of sobriety. I want to be laid back and relaxed instead of always anxious and angry. I want to eat a healthy diet and work out regularly. I want to keep on writing. I want to no longer be taken advantage of by anybody out of a sense of obligation towards those people.

I am seriously thinking of moving to the other side of the country this year. There is a potential roommate situation I can easily afford in Michigan.

 

[Aspychata]

Wow. You have really changed your outlook and sound more empowered about your future. Better then to keep giving your mom the benefit of the doubt. She will just keep shoveling BS right in response. It takes some time for us to catch on that these people never change, the narcissist will never stop sucking up who ever is around them. So you can go gray rock with her, and move on. It's hard when it's family or spouse. I have definitely ridden that train ride. You saw how hard it was to get out of your mom's grip, but you did DO IT.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

What I need more than anything else is emotional liberation from my family.

Cutting off certain people is one of the best things I ever did.

 

[Outdated]

I should be in the driver's seat of my own life for a change.

This is where you keep falling down. Nothing will ever change unless You Make It Change. You keep complaining about your family but you do nothing to rectify the problem.

There's a button on the right hand side of your phone, hold it pressed for 4 seconds. You'll be amazed at how much that one small action improves your quality of life. People will badger you about it at first, but eventually they get used to the idea that there are only certain times of the day or week when contacting you is possible.

One of my greatest desires and longing is for reliable alone time!!

Well said. Just getting time to myself doesn't really achieve much, knowing beforehand that I'm not going to be disturbed is what I need and also what I enforce.

 

[Judge]

I can relate. I'm certain that so many others here can as well. That solitude is absolutely necessary to our mental and emotional well-being. On a level that perhaps most NTs may not fully understand.

It was the primary issue that led to the demise of my most important relationship. The girl I should have married.

 

[Misery]

This is where you keep falling down. Nothing will ever change unless You Make It Change. You keep complaining about your family but you do nothing to rectify the problem.

Yeah, this is what I'm thinking too.

The next time those dolts show up unannounced... lock the door, close the curtains. Put a bloody couch in front of the door if need be.

And then ignore. Just... ignore. Even if they rant and rave and pound on it. Put some headphones on (that block noise) and listen to some music or whatever works.

Also yes, turn the stupid phone off. Or block them, or whatever. They cant get ahold of you THAT way when it's off, or if they're blocked, no matter how much they bang on it on their end, after all.

But none of that stuff is gonna work out in the way you want if you dont just bloody well do it.

I mean, really, it's enough to tell us on here that you want to make this change, but so far it doesnt seem like you ever take it beyond just telling us about it.

I could ramble on about that part further, but you've heard it all from me before, I think.

 

[Sherlock77]

There was once a few years back, when there was a snafu with my vacation days at work... I took one short vacation in October (prairie photography road trip of course ), when I wanted to schedule my next vacation days I was told I had none left, I knew I had some left... It turned out there was a mistake in some HR stuff that went back a couple of years

I tried but they wouldn't fix it, I did my own sort of "work to rule" in that I took all the stat holidays off that year (in recycling we worked most stat holidays, with the extra pay of course)... Eleven months later I finally got full vacation days back, and took one week off, with no specific plans except to relax, and I did a one day road trip...

But that was a tough year for me... You'll survive @Metalhead, and book a nice vacation in the spring when you are able to...

 

[Progster]

It's a common courtesy and good practice to phone someone before visiting them. Not doing so and then expecting you to abandon your plans to go along with their plans is disrespectful.

I generally don't like such 'surprises' and if someone turns up unexpectedly and I don't want to be disturbed, I don't answer the door. Some people might think that rude, but it's their fault for not phoning first, not mine.

 

[Duncan74]

Clearly you know yourself and your family way better than anyone on here.

But as @Progster says, most people would call before calling around. So that got me thinking. I was wondering at the possible motivations for someone turning up unannounced. And as well as the 'being annoying' scenarios, there's also the 'intervention' style where they know you don't socialise a lot, and so in their mind they are doing what would be great for a 'lonely' NT - just taking things in their own hands. So there is a chance that whilst ill-founded in this case, is well intended.

Which loops back to an earlier comment about explaining boundaries with them. But this does require taking that step to put a fair few things on the table with your family - something I've not yet had the self understanding/confidence/desire to do with mine.

 

[Mary Terry]

@Metalhead - Maybe make plans to hibernate alone every day after work. Plan and shop for your meals so you can eat at home, decline invitations to social events, figure out what you want to do every night after work such as watching TV, reading, listening to music, or using the internet, figure out what nightly chores need to be done, go to bed on a consistent basis every night.

It's time to love and indulge yourself and to hell with the rest of the world. Your batteries need recharging every night.

 

[Aspychata]

Such an important paragraph @Mary Terry . We need to give ourselves permission to deconstruct, disassemble, de-stress, disengage daily when our mental health screams this at us.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I am seriously thinking of moving to the other side of the country this year. There is a potential roommate situation I can easily afford in Michigan.

I can't tell you whether to move or not, but I will say this: it's been very beneficial to me to find a place that is mine. I don't live very far from where I grew up, but it's an area that has nothing to do with my family, and one we didn't visit when I was a kid. Being able to make a life in my own place has been good for my sense of self.

 

[Metalhead]

I got the OK from my boss to take the next couple of days off and use vacation hours.

I am making a day trip to Seattle by myself tomorrow. Hell, I think I might even visit a legitimate masseur and get those kinks in my back worked out.

My family will know nothing about this.

I am turning the ringer off my phone for the next couple of days.