I can’t stop thinking about being disliked

[Misty Avich]

I am grateful there are those like you who don’t follow the crowd so to say.

Yes, I make up my own mind whether I like someone or not, and if someone tries to convince me that someone is a bad person but I have no proof then I'm going to carry on liking the person, unless I see for myself.

 

[Au Naturel]

For anyone in this thread who is feeling disliked by others and thinking that they wish you were not even alive, I would encourage you to remember that you are probably not on these people's minds nearly as much as you think. Even if they don't really like you, they are probably not even thinking about you.

Spotlight effect, or a variation thereof.

 

[Misty Avich]

Ah yes, the old spotlight effect. I have this, always thinking people are noticing my every move and judging. I think it's because I've been told several times on another forum that being on the spectrum means you have odd body language that makes people stare, even if you know you act normal and don't stim or anything. I don't think that is a very helpful thing to tell someone with social anxiety. I discussed this with my therapist and he said that body language doesn't give away your identity to strangers in a crowded environment unless it's really obvious. He gave an example, where if a suicidal person was walking through a busy street to get to a bridge to jump from, people wouldn't guess what his intention is by subtle body language even if he was looking sad, and people might only guess if he was making it obvious what he was going to do, enough to draw attention. Even then people probably wouldn't guess accurately, unless they knew him and knew he was suffering mentally, then they might pick up on his body language and guess the worst.
I try to remember those words and it helps a little.

 

[Au Naturel]

Ah yes, the old spotlight effect. I have this, always thinking people are noticing my every move and judging. I think it's because I've been told several times on another forum that being on the spectrum means you have odd body language that makes people stare, even if you know you act normal and don't stim or anything. I don't think that is a very helpful thing to tell someone with social anxiety. I discussed this with my therapist and he said that body language doesn't give away your identity to strangers in a crowded environment unless it's really obvious. He gave an example, where if a suicidal person was walking through a busy street to get to a bridge to jump from, people wouldn't guess what his intention is by subtle body language even if he was looking sad, and people might only guess if he was making it obvious what he was going to do, enough to draw attention. Even then people probably wouldn't guess accurately, unless they knew him and knew he was suffering mentally, then they might pick up on his body language and guess the worst.
I try to remember those words and it helps a little.

I usually found that I was never noticed. I could go to an event and, if I didn't force myself to be social, nobody would even realize that I was there. Felt very much like being an unnoticed picture on a wall.

 

[Cryptid]

It is not a matter of "following the crowd" to give meaningful advice and helpful suggestions; instead, some of us simply prefer to express ourselves honestly.

 

[Kitsuna]

@Markness

I feel like I should step back in to make sure things are clear…

Earlier this year, I posted something on one of your threads I readily admit was pretty blunt and could’ve been taken even worse as it was abrupt. Even though I was pretty direct about some criticism I gave I don’t want you to think I hate you or I’m a detractor. I was genuinely trying to help and thought beating around the bush wouldn’t be as effective advice.

 

[Markness]

@Markness

I feel like I should step back in to make sure things are clear…

Earlier this year, I posted something on one of your threads I readily admit was pretty blunt and could’ve been taken even worse as it was abrupt. Even though I was pretty direct about some criticism I gave I don’t want you to think I hate you or I’m a detractor. I was genuinely trying to help and thought beating around the bush wouldn’t be as effective advice.

I don’t see you as a detractor.

 

[Markness]

If I got better, would there be more positive posts about me?

 

[tree]

Better how?

 

[Markness]

Better how?

Emotionally as well as socially.

 

[Cryptid]

More positive posts from you may inspire people to be more positive toward you.