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I can't forget my ex

Mars26

Mars26

21 years old aspie
Me and my ex were very close and we were in love. But because my insecuritise and his homophobic family we broke up. We are still friends and we are still have feelings for each other but I have hard time accept it because I still believe I can change this. He is convinced that despite his feelings it is better to be with a woman. Do you think that opening up to him is good idea or it just piss him off?
 
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Opening up to him about what? Doesn't he already know you have feelings for him?
 
I meant talking to him, convincing him, something like "I'd like to be with you, no matter if it's good or bad". It seems to me that any other person would be pleased if someone expressed a great commitment. However, the problem is that he has much more serious issue because of asperger (I don't know if I wrote it correctly), but he denies it and he is looking for a problem with me, even if most neurotypical people would behave in the same way as me and not him. But it doesn't change the fact that I don't know if going to him or starting a discussion is okay? Should I tell him how I feel about our relationship and risk a hard-built friendship or keep quiet?

The problem is also that because his father is a homophobe who doesn't believe there is such a thing as asperger syndrome, he pretends to be someone else entirely. However, he lives alone and sees his parents only occasionally. That's why I don't understand why, despite his feelings for me, he doesn't want to be with me?

My neurotypical sister says that when you open up to people, they only get a chance to hurt you more. I am afraid that, unfortunately, she is right and if I tells him, he will only yell at me. I don't know what to do because I can't live without him when he is nearby all the time but I can't be with him.
 
Well let him yell at you then, I guess, if that's what happens, you don't sound convinced yet. You probably can't have a good friendship with someone you're in love with, so you are likely to have to move on anyway. Is he dependent on his father financially? That's likely to influence him too.

There's plenty more nice guys out there, btw, not as hard to get as this one, or with as much internalised homophobia as he seems to have. Sorry you are up against this.
 
Mars26 said:
Me and my ex were very close and we were in love. But because my insecuritise and his homophobic family we broke up. We are still friends and we are still have feelings for each other but I have hard time accept it because I still believe I can change this. He is convinced that despite his feelings it is better to be with a woman. Do you think that opening up to him is good idea or it just piss him off?
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from one aspie to another,i'm terribly sorry you went through that.if i were gay (i'm not) & bisexual (if i were),I would definitely be with you ;););););););););););););),along with giving homophobia the finger :laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smirk::smirk::smirk::smirk::smirk::smirk::smirk::smirk::smirk::smirk::smirk::smirk::sweatsmile::sweatsmile::sweatsmile::sweatsmile::sweatsmile::sweatsmile::sweatsmile::sweatsmile::sweatsmile::sweatsmile::sweatsmile::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy:,but out of fear of being disowned by people amongst friends & family amongst potential homophobes,I won't go for it
 
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Thinx said:
You probably can't have a good friendship with someone you're in love with
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Why not? I'm biexual biromantic dating an aroace. Our love is platonic but it's still important. I consider it a form of dating but really from their perspective it's more of a QPR. But who cares, we care about each other and support each other and we all die anyway, so what's the difference? Might be easier for us cause we're both relationship anarchists and I view myself as polyamorous, so dating other people is mostly only a problem because I keep picking the wrong people, but who knows maybe eventually I'll find them a meta that I don't have to spend so much time complaining to them about.
 
Amphilyke said:
Why not? I'm biexual biromantic dating an aroace. Our love is platonic but it's still important. I consider it a form of dating but really from their perspective it's more of a QPR. But who cares, we care about each other and support each other and we all die anyway, so what's the difference? Might be easier for us cause we're both relationship anarchists and I view myself as polyamorous, so dating other people is mostly only a problem because I keep picking the wrong people, but who knows maybe eventually I'll find them a meta that I don't have to spend so much time complaining to them about.
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I think the OP seems to be in a different situation to you, but I was suggesting he may as well say what he feels to the guy.

Despite that we all die anyway, I do agree it's important to have relationships that work for you.
 
Mars26 said:
I meant talking to him, convincing him, something like "I'd like to be with you, no matter if it's good or bad". It seems to me that any other person would be pleased if someone expressed a great commitment. However, the problem is that he has much more serious issue because of asperger (I don't know if I wrote it correctly), but he denies it and he is looking for a problem with me, even if most neurotypical people would behave in the same way as me and not him. But it doesn't change the fact that I don't know if going to him or starting a discussion is okay? Should I tell him how I feel about our relationship and risk a hard-built friendship or keep quiet?

The problem is also that because his father is a homophobe who doesn't believe there is such a thing as asperger syndrome, he pretends to be someone else entirely. However, he lives alone and sees his parents only occasionally. That's why I don't understand why, despite his feelings for me, he doesn't want to be with me?

My neurotypical sister says that when you open up to people, they only get a chance to hurt you more. I am afraid that, unfortunately, she is right and if I tells him, he will only yell at me. I don't know what to do because I can't live without him when he is nearby all the time but I can't be with him.
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if I were bisexual,I would never do that to you (hurt you),no way.not an aspie who also likes male aspies.
 
Amphilyke said:
Why not? I'm biexual biromantic dating an aroace. Our love is platonic but it's still important. I consider it a form of dating but really from their perspective it's more of a QPR. But who cares, we care about each other and support each other and we all die anyway, so what's the difference? Might be easier for us cause we're both relationship anarchists and I view myself as polyamorous, so dating other people is mostly only a problem because I keep picking the wrong people, but who knows maybe eventually I'll find them a meta that I don't have to spend so much time complaining to them about.
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i might be too.
 
Mars26 said:
I meant talking to him, convincing him, something like "I'd like to be with you, no matter if it's good or bad". It seems to me that any other person would be pleased if someone expressed a great commitment. However, the problem is that he has much more serious issue because of asperger (I don't know if I wrote it correctly), but he denies it and he is looking for a problem with me, even if most neurotypical people would behave in the same way as me and not him. But it doesn't change the fact that I don't know if going to him or starting a discussion is okay? Should I tell him how I feel about our relationship and risk a hard-built friendship or keep quiet?

The problem is also that because his father is a homophobe who doesn't believe there is such a thing as asperger syndrome, he pretends to be someone else entirely. However, he lives alone and sees his parents only occasionally. That's why I don't understand why, despite his feelings for me, he doesn't want to be with me?

My neurotypical sister says that when you open up to people, they only get a chance to hurt you more. I am afraid that, unfortunately, she is right and if I tells him, he will only yell at me. I don't know what to do because I can't live without him when he is nearby all the time but I can't be with him.
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i would,especially if i were sexually attracted to aspies like myself.
 
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