The situation was like this: due to pandemics and distance, we broke up with my boyfriend. When we returned to college, we decided to see how our relations would go. We didn't get back together but we spent a lot of time together, acting like couple without making it official and everything was great. But I didn't know that my best friend was in love with my boyfriend. When a girl in our group jealous of my GPA spilled lies about me, my "best friend" said she was on my side but stopped talking to me. Then, when the jealous girl found out confidential things about my relationship (my feelings and situations that were true) from my "best friend", she told my boyfriend that and he broke off contact with me. I know that he also behaved badly, but I have the impression that he did it out of fear that I would turn out to be a manipulator and he preferred to step away just in case. He thinks that by not talking to me "he wasn't doing a drama" and I was doing it when I was trying to talk.
I don't know what to do because they seem happy even though most people say they aren't. By showing me their happiness, they make me sad, but when I find out that they are not doing well at all, I hope that he will come back to me, which also makes me sad. I tried to find someone else, but more and more I realize that I am not able to fall in love with anyone else. Do you have an idea what to do in such a situation?
Thanks to the support of you all, my family, friends and the therapist, I feel much better. The problem is that although I shouldn't have to see them anymore since May, they still appear everywhere. I will not mention everything but two most important situations.
My ex had his graduation exam the same day as my friend, so my friend and I went out to support her and I met him. And even though my ex and my ex-best friend are so happy together, she didn't come to support him. And it's not like she's working or anything because she's rich, so it's just a choice whether to watch Netflix today or support a boyfriend? However, when my ex saw me and my friend, it was not that he did not say hello to me, but also to him. Then, when I had the exams and my ex-best-friend, he came in but didn't enter the classroom (the exams was open to everyone to watch). Probably just to show me like always what I lost, what a great boyfriend he is and I'm trash. He even went to my friend (whom he doesn't like), he congratulated him on his award and he didn't say hello to me, even though I said hello to him.
Now, as part of the graduation celebration, we had trip with friends to Berlin. And as far as I knew, my ex-best friend had only plans to stay at home and a 2-weeks trip with her parents. Generally, I have their stories and posts muted on Instagram, but recently it seemed to me that I met them, so I wanted to check if it was really them, and she put something on the story. I didn't want to watch so that they wouldn't see that I saw. However, I saw that she added a highlighted story and she never had anything there and I thought that I wouldnt be listed on view list. That's why I opened it and it turned out that she is in Bulgaria. I thought that she is there with parents. The next day I entered the highlighted stories again (thinking they wouldn't notice that I was viewing) but there were new stories there (so they saw it) and it turned out that they had their photo there hald-naked on the beach. They went to his parents' house in Bulgaria because we were in Berlin. Apart from that, for 8 days she was posting only pictures of food, beaches and buildings, and suddenly she saw that I was looking at her photos and the next day she posted a picture with him. Who does that?
I would also like to add that 2 weeks before submitting my diploma thesis, someone posted my thesis on the Internet. Only people from my graduation group, i.e. my ex-bestfriend, had access to it. At the police, I had to provide a list of suspects, i.e. people who have access to it and former partners who harbor hatred. I reported it, but after talking to my father and friends, we came to the conclusion that it would be worth warning him about it because his father is conservative and likes to abuse him. I warned him that if he had been summoned, he would not come with his father. What did he do? He was trying to make a fool of me that "you think we don't have better things to do?" even though a month ago they had lied about me to a guy I barely know. xD I don't even know if it was him, and I wasn't accusing him. I just suggested that if he got a summons, he wouldn't go there with his father. This was before graduation exam.
I don't know what to do because I can't find another person who would like me like my ex but he is never going to change. I think that from the beginning I knew that he was toxic, but he was also attracted to me and then he stopped limiting himself. What hurts me the most is that he does great things with my ex-best friend that he hasn't done with me. And I have the impression that I want to believe in the "conspiracy theory" that he does everything to spite me because it is easier than believing that I let myself be used. Forgiving yourself for something like this is unimaginably difficult.
I don't know what to do because they seem happy even though most people say they aren't. By showing me their happiness, they make me sad, but when I find out that they are not doing well at all, I hope that he will come back to me, which also makes me sad. I tried to find someone else, but more and more I realize that I am not able to fall in love with anyone else. Do you have an idea what to do in such a situation?
Thanks to the support of you all, my family, friends and the therapist, I feel much better. The problem is that although I shouldn't have to see them anymore since May, they still appear everywhere. I will not mention everything but two most important situations.
My ex had his graduation exam the same day as my friend, so my friend and I went out to support her and I met him. And even though my ex and my ex-best friend are so happy together, she didn't come to support him. And it's not like she's working or anything because she's rich, so it's just a choice whether to watch Netflix today or support a boyfriend? However, when my ex saw me and my friend, it was not that he did not say hello to me, but also to him. Then, when I had the exams and my ex-best-friend, he came in but didn't enter the classroom (the exams was open to everyone to watch). Probably just to show me like always what I lost, what a great boyfriend he is and I'm trash. He even went to my friend (whom he doesn't like), he congratulated him on his award and he didn't say hello to me, even though I said hello to him.
Now, as part of the graduation celebration, we had trip with friends to Berlin. And as far as I knew, my ex-best friend had only plans to stay at home and a 2-weeks trip with her parents. Generally, I have their stories and posts muted on Instagram, but recently it seemed to me that I met them, so I wanted to check if it was really them, and she put something on the story. I didn't want to watch so that they wouldn't see that I saw. However, I saw that she added a highlighted story and she never had anything there and I thought that I wouldnt be listed on view list. That's why I opened it and it turned out that she is in Bulgaria. I thought that she is there with parents. The next day I entered the highlighted stories again (thinking they wouldn't notice that I was viewing) but there were new stories there (so they saw it) and it turned out that they had their photo there hald-naked on the beach. They went to his parents' house in Bulgaria because we were in Berlin. Apart from that, for 8 days she was posting only pictures of food, beaches and buildings, and suddenly she saw that I was looking at her photos and the next day she posted a picture with him. Who does that?
I would also like to add that 2 weeks before submitting my diploma thesis, someone posted my thesis on the Internet. Only people from my graduation group, i.e. my ex-bestfriend, had access to it. At the police, I had to provide a list of suspects, i.e. people who have access to it and former partners who harbor hatred. I reported it, but after talking to my father and friends, we came to the conclusion that it would be worth warning him about it because his father is conservative and likes to abuse him. I warned him that if he had been summoned, he would not come with his father. What did he do? He was trying to make a fool of me that "you think we don't have better things to do?" even though a month ago they had lied about me to a guy I barely know. xD I don't even know if it was him, and I wasn't accusing him. I just suggested that if he got a summons, he wouldn't go there with his father. This was before graduation exam.
I don't know what to do because I can't find another person who would like me like my ex but he is never going to change. I think that from the beginning I knew that he was toxic, but he was also attracted to me and then he stopped limiting himself. What hurts me the most is that he does great things with my ex-best friend that he hasn't done with me. And I have the impression that I want to believe in the "conspiracy theory" that he does everything to spite me because it is easier than believing that I let myself be used. Forgiving yourself for something like this is unimaginably difficult.