I am getting lower...

[Iamnotarabot]

Well guys its the same loop I am in and it starts again I think...

My start of the year was messy because I was late at getting my inscription done and all and Now this is just...I have no motivation.

No motivation to do any effort...
Feeling more and more hopeless about the future
Thinking that I want to die.

I wont kill myself or what its been years that I have this thought on a regular basis dont worry.


How do you manage that ?
Is this the moment I should consider medication?

 

[Pats]

You might try it and see if it helps. And I always say, since you start with half a dose, if that seems to work, leave it at half a dose. Just enough to lift the depression.

 

[OlLiE]

if you try it under supervision of a dr it may be worth a try,
expect the following though:
- there is no one size fits all drug, you may need to try different ones before finding one that helps
- it takes ca a month for the meds to start working, so its not an overnight fix

at the end of the day, you've just got to get up everytime you get knocked down,
change for the better what you can and accept what can't be changed,
make the best of your life everyday,
because one day you will start to realise that you have less years ahead of you than you have behind you

 

[Ginseng]

I feel for you. I hear you and I have lived it. Still do. Rough situations make it worse. Feeling I am not heard and can’t express myself make it worse. Medication is iffy. It can make it worse. I can no longer take antidepressants since the only one I found that worked (after about 20 different ones and years turned on me. Not sure how I survived that. Many people on antidepressants do kill themselves or others. I have a personal understanding of that now when I didn’t before. I don’t know if you have anyone to talk to. That might help. A change of scenery, if possible and just trying to clean out the negatives in your life that you can dispense of. I don’t know why this struggle is so difficult for autistics. I just know it is. Hope I comforted you in some manner. I do hear you and relate.

 

[BraidedPony]

Sometimes it takes medication to get out of that downward spiral. My brain has gotten in a rut or habit of negativity and it takes a kick in the heiny, ie medication, to get out of it. Then after a few months I am able to make positive changes in my life, my thinking is out of the rut and is more positive and I can stop the medication.
Why does this happen, I have no idea, but there it is.

 

[BraidedPony]

Being on the spectrum makes it hard for me to change how I think. It makes it almost impossible to make changes in my life. And I say ALMOST impossible. There is a word for it, perseveration.
Once I’ve spoken to people I trust and explain what things are going on that are not good for me, then I can make positive changes.
Recently I had a very negative person in my life and needed to move into my own apartment. Once I understood that, I could do it. Then I didn’t need the medication anymore.
But if I need it again, I’ll take it.

 

[Fino]

I often imagine what my life would have been like if I had started taking the right medication earlier.

Have you ever tried any before?

If there isn't an obvious stress in your life that would logically make you want to die, then I don't see how someone could feel that bad and not immediately want to try anything that could possibly make it stop.

I always described my depression as feeling like I'm dying, feeling like there's a demon inside trying to rip its way out, feeling like my soul is on fire, etc. I never delayed in trying to make the feelings stop, even if my methods were often unhealthy and stupid. If you feel anything that resembles that, then dooo something!

 

[Autistamatic]

My own experience of SSRI antidepressants has been very positive. They have enabled me to take control of my life when all hope seemed to have been lost several times. It's worth giving them a go - not tranquilisers - SSRIs specifically.

 

[OkRad]

I know how it feels. I am there a lot.

Medication never helped me. The only thing that ever helped is to go into a deficit, meaning the LESS stimulation the better.

When it's bad, I want to stimulate so bad, but if I do, it feeds it.

It seems counter, but I have to lay in a cold room, listening to SILENCE, try not even to drink tea, less food, less talking......try to get into understimulation.

Of course, it's not possible because one trip to the store and it's screeching top 40 and cars and people and carts. But that is the goal.

But I do know antidepressants do help people. It depends on your brain chemistry.

 

[Fino]

SSRIs never did anything for me, they were like sugar pills. Wellbutrin is the only anti-depressant that's ever helped me, and all it took was the lowest dose!

 

[SusanLR]

SSRIs never did anything for me, they were like sugar pills. Wellbutrin is the only anti-depressant that's ever helped me, and all it took was the lowest dose!

Two different brain chemicals.
That is why you will probably need to try different types to find one that helps, if any do.
SSRIs increase seratonin in the brain.
Wellbutrin increases dopamine.
Both are called "feel good" chemicals. But, they never helped me. Not even the tri-cyclic types that increase seratonin, epinephrine and norepineprine. They also have a slight antihistimine effect.

I was first diagnosed with anxiety disorder and the thinking of the doctors was it was caused from
depression even though I didn't feel depressed, thus the start of trying all the different antidepressants.
They only made the anxiety worse and increased panic attacks.

That was many years ago. I got better without them eventually mainly by slow exposure therapy, CBT,
and meditation which is like a total quieting of everything. Allows the mind to get out of fight or flight mode if only for 30 mins. or so. Body chemistry can change without meds sometimes.

Currently I am now going through true reactive depression. Trauma.
It is effecting my physical health and no pill can change the realities of what is happening in my life
that are the reasons I feel these emotions.

because one day you will start to realise that you have less years ahead of you than you have behind you

This is so very true. And it is just one of the realities that weighs on my mind.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Thank you all for your responses, this is a bit hard to answer properly to all of you.

That is why you will probably need to try different types to find one that helps, if any do.

Yeah this is realy the part that I dont like, my mood is down and I dont know exactly why ,how ASD or even a potential ADHD can interract with that...so searching for a good medication, going to the psychiatrist multiples times while hiding it to my parents....while I need to do other stuff...

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Iv spend the entiere day glued to my screen doing nothing , yeah...

 

[Fino]

Which medications have you tried?