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Featured Hurt. I seem to agitate people by just being myself.

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Frostee, Sep 8, 2019.

  1. onlything

    onlything Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    People don't like others that seem to be perpetually complaining or negative. Doesn't matter if you're depressed or not, people, especially if they are having a good time, don't want to feel worse by looking at a negative post. They will either get annoyed at you or won't care.

    From what I see social media is mostly for bragging and positive notes in others' lives. Never for complaining unless you want to be ignored and especially never for perpetual complaining. Just... No.

    They don't want to think about negatives, so they don't want to hear them.
     
  2. Pistachio

    Pistachio New Member

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    "So I told him that he could delete me if he didn’t like my posts. So, that’s what he did."

    It seems like he did what you told him to do, and the other colleague followed his lead/your suggestion. I think it's a good suggestion to anyone, if you don't like someone's comments online or IRL, skip over them, I guess on fb you can hide their comments or unfriend or something. (I don't use fb) But just because someone unsubscribes from your fb comments doesnt mean you or they no longer exist. You could contact each other other ways (email/text/phone). I wouldn't worry about it.

    As for the comments, I've never been to Northern Ireland or England but I'm guessing it's more ocean areas/open fields, etc compared to a major city? Like NYC compared to some beach town in the US? Maybe say more about why you like London. As for your friend, he was probably joking and maybe felt intimidated by your response, who knows?
     
  3. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    You're doing it now. Read your own posts here to see what happened. I want to block you. It's the same thing.
     
  4. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    I was trying to explain. Try rereading my post and really thinking about what I'm saying. Do the same with the other responses. His reason for deleting you has been explained repeatedly here.
     
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  5. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    This is why l don't like fb. If someone deletes you, l think being on the spectrum, we take it too deeply. These fb relationships are highly superficial and can't be taken as much more. If you two were like the best of friends, like you chatted everyday, then sure, be upset, be pissed. This is somebody that is in your outer ring of social life. They aren't in your loyal friendship ring, so l say why waste the emotional thought process. Just say to yourself something happened and let go. By ruminating on this you are ignoring your new facebook friends that want to chat. There are strange personalities in the academic field like any other field.
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2019
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  6. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I agree that the one comment alone was no good reason to delete someone. I've also enjoyed your posts. But a lot IS in the tone in which it is read. I've noticed a lot of times I've read a post in a negative tone and get bent all out of shape over it and a bit surprised that no one else seems as upset. Then I've read posts and wondered why someone else is so upset over it.
    I've also gone through and deleted a lot of people from facebook, mostly just because I don't know them all that well and I post a lot of pictures of grandkids. And I never accept friend requests on facebook from someone that I don't have some kind of current relationship with. I also hide my friend list because some people go into friends lists just to add more friends to their lists, whether they know the person or not. I guess, for me, it's more about privacy.
    But you said this guy whines a lot in his replies, so there is something setting him off - could be just the subjects themselves, could be the tone he's reading them in. But if there is someone - like my sister - that posts things that set me off, I'll quit 'following them' so I don't see their posts, instead of deleting them. But most people today like to delete because they think it's making a statement.
     
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  7. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

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    Based on the context I can get out of your post OP, and what general history I know about Ireland, there are people with feelings tied to Northern and Southern Ireland. To say that you don't like Northern Ireland because it's depressing and if there isn't something more substantial you said than that such as specific reasons or specific experiences, some people who are friends or acquaintances with you might feel turned off because:
    1. You could arguably be being insensitive to their feelings about northern Ireland, southern Ireland, or Ireland in general, and they are not comfortable with that
    2. Your expression of such material and the way you portray it make those people feel that they can't level with you. Rather than argue about it or take the time and energy to try to have you match up with them (in that person's opinion), it's easier to delete and move on since there's so many other people one can give their time and energy to.

    Even if you did include quality specific reasons, this may not have helped.
    Something to consider, nonetheless.

    The situation you describe about this one friend or "friend" you made a comment to and that your colleague left you from FB, I feel is meant to be a quiet slight that they don't like how you present yourself online and that it makes them uncomfortable to be around you in-person as a result. I'm not sure how close you are with the person you made that comment to, but based on my interpretation of the context, I'd say there are definitely some valid social dynamics and reasonable concerns by you at play here.

    Being deleted on FB, even though many relationships might be superficial, even NT people may be concerned about it. Best way you can try to go about things is do your best to realize what might happen if you do or say, but try to be as okay with you as you can be with what you end up doing and how you do it. Too much to think about, right? That is our crazy society.
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2019
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  8. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    @paloftoon Liked that response, very helpful.
     
  9. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

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    Best thought I can probably tell you, OP, is you can try to be yourself, but try to learn and do it in a way that will not hurt others. This could be either doing something from being careful what you say to having two+ Facebook accounts, setting restrictions on who can see what, or you deleting friends who you don't feel are open or you can be open with enough on a FB account. I tend to do the last, since I don't have a social media related career, realizing that I might offend a lot of people that I didn't form strong enough bonds with. I, like everyone else, choose how we use our FB accounts or other social media accounts. Along with that comes the idea that we have to work with the situations that come up on us whether we cave in to social pressure and/or intentionallly or unintentionally offend people for this or that. Don't aim to please or be an a-hole 100%. Try to find a balance that works for you and how to deal with these things.

    Usually, before I delete a person, I try to make communication with them or ask them to do something and if they dont' respond or give me good response after several times, I'll delete, but not block a person. If that same person then tries to add me back on or ask why I deleted them, then I have that personal conversation with them about wanting to form deeper bonds and that they haven't show me that, but that they can. A small number of people, I end up re-adding and re-deleting. It's kind of whatever. Sometimes you just got to pick your battles cause it can be too much to think about, lol.
     
  10. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for taking the time to write both of your posts.

    So, I try hard to understand other people, not only from their body language but also with the perspective of their own actions with the main goal of wanting to know why they do what they do.

    I do struggle to get my head around a lot of people’s reactions to myself. I guess that’s just the whole “theory of mind” thing.

    But I notice sometimes I get a response or a reaction that I did not expect and I don’t know what i’ve done to solicit such a reaction.

    This guy is a prime example. He talked fine to me for a couple of months and then started to go off me becoming irritable. You’re right there is something annoying him and I don’t know what it is?

    You know honestly if he was a decent person he could just say “you know ... is annoying me could you reflect on that?”.

    This is a major issue for us and I think why we get into so much conflict with people.

    It seems like I just have to cut ties with some people because they’re just not that understanding of the way we are.


    I don’t know if there is a decent solution to this. But it does upset me greatly.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2019
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